[ She begins to suspect something is wrong after their first mana transfer.
That's what they call it every time, like they can make it more forgivable by pretending it's anything but sex. Even so, Ai has no complaints. It feels good - it doesn't hurt, or make her feel strange and sick inside like sex sometimes does, the creeping dread of knowing you've done something wrong and waiting to be punished. It feels good and sometimes that makes her feel a little guilty because this shouldn't be about love or even because they want each other. Just pure practicality. Thinking about it like that, doesn't that make it the dirtiest, most selfish way she's ever indulged herself? But he's so kind from the first touch to the last that she doesn't feel dirty or selfish at all. If it's like that then it should be just fine — a businesslike transaction of kindness and pretend intimacy between Master and Servant.
It's the kindness that makes her wonder. It's the way he touches her and won't ever let her do the same in return. It's the way he leaves her a trembling mess and doesn't take it a step further. She's not really good at reading people. Most days, she can hardly read herself. But for all her other faults, she's not completely stupid.
But more than anything, it's the dreams. They come in so much clearer and more vividly after the first mana transfer, clearer and sharper every night since. They stay cold and damp, grassy and earthy and dark and she thinks that might be alright. She had thought that until last night. ]
I asked you to tell me your name. [ She stands facing him, pulling herself as tall as she dares and doing an excellent job of playacting that she's not afraid. Her hair, still damp from the shower, clings to her neck. ] The real one, this time.
[ She'd bathed that morning in water as scalding hot at the pipes could draw it. She'd sat on the stool as the shower roared, shuddering and hitching and telling herself that the water running down her skin didn't at all feel like the feet of a thousand insects skittering all around her body. ]
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That's what they call it every time, like they can make it more forgivable by pretending it's anything but sex. Even so, Ai has no complaints. It feels good - it doesn't hurt, or make her feel strange and sick inside like sex sometimes does, the creeping dread of knowing you've done something wrong and waiting to be punished. It feels good and sometimes that makes her feel a little guilty because this shouldn't be about love or even because they want each other. Just pure practicality. Thinking about it like that, doesn't that make it the dirtiest, most selfish way she's ever indulged herself? But he's so kind from the first touch to the last that she doesn't feel dirty or selfish at all. If it's like that then it should be just fine — a businesslike transaction of kindness and pretend intimacy between Master and Servant.
It's the kindness that makes her wonder. It's the way he touches her and won't ever let her do the same in return. It's the way he leaves her a trembling mess and doesn't take it a step further. She's not really good at reading people. Most days, she can hardly read herself. But for all her other faults, she's not completely stupid.
But more than anything, it's the dreams. They come in so much clearer and more vividly after the first mana transfer, clearer and sharper every night since. They stay cold and damp, grassy and earthy and dark and she thinks that might be alright. She had thought that until last night. ]
I asked you to tell me your name. [ She stands facing him, pulling herself as tall as she dares and doing an excellent job of playacting that she's not afraid. Her hair, still damp from the shower, clings to her neck. ] The real one, this time.
[ She'd bathed that morning in water as scalding hot at the pipes could draw it. She'd sat on the stool as the shower roared, shuddering and hitching and telling herself that the water running down her skin didn't at all feel like the feet of a thousand insects skittering all around her body. ]
I know it's not 'Oberon'.