She had clung desperately to the belief that she must long after the truth was obvious. She had endured violence, abuse, the starvation of everything a mother should give her daughter all while telling herself that Ayumi must have loved her because all parents loved their children. It had taken that final abandonment, dumping Ai like unwanted luggage, for her to accept there had never been any love there from either of them.
And yet, like any child would - Ai had never wanted to hate her. She had made excuse after excuse, a neverending list of justifications, half convincing herself that the whole thing had been her fault from the start. She was a strange child, a difficult child. If Ayumi had hated her, was it that much of a shock?
And yet-
The anger had been there. She had choked it down like vomit any time it had threatened to rise in her throat, endured it endured it endured it long after the sight of her mother's face had faded from her mind.
She hadn't wanted to hate her. But some wretched, dirty part of her had still wanted someone to do it for her.
She'd wanted someone to get their hands dirty on her behalf.
She realises much too late that she's trembling. ]
Don't-
[ She can't trust herself to hold her expression steady. She has to cover her face with her hands but even then, her voice trembles too. ]
You're such a liar. You tell me you hate me then you do things like this. But you can't. If you're kind to me, then I can't-
[ Finally, her voice breaks. ]
How am I supposed to pretend I don't needyou when you do things like this...?!
no subject
She had clung desperately to the belief that she must long after the truth was obvious. She had endured violence, abuse, the starvation of everything a mother should give her daughter all while telling herself that Ayumi must have loved her because all parents loved their children. It had taken that final abandonment, dumping Ai like unwanted luggage, for her to accept there had never been any love there from either of them.
And yet, like any child would - Ai had never wanted to hate her. She had made excuse after excuse, a neverending list of justifications, half convincing herself that the whole thing had been her fault from the start. She was a strange child, a difficult child. If Ayumi had hated her, was it that much of a shock?
And yet-
The anger had been there. She had choked it down like vomit any time it had threatened to rise in her throat, endured it endured it endured it long after the sight of her mother's face had faded from her mind.
She hadn't wanted to hate her. But some wretched, dirty part of her had still wanted someone to do it for her.
She'd wanted someone to get their hands dirty on her behalf.
She realises much too late that she's trembling. ]
Don't-
[ She can't trust herself to hold her expression steady. She has to cover her face with her hands but even then, her voice trembles too. ]
You're such a liar. You tell me you hate me then you do things like this. But you can't. If you're kind to me, then I can't-
[ Finally, her voice breaks. ]
How am I supposed to pretend I don't need you when you do things like this...?!