[ It takes entirely too long for Ai to sleep that night. Physically, she's beyond exhausted - though the wound in her thigh is healed, her body has still done the hard work of knitting her skin back together and she feels appropriately drained. The fear, the adrenaline, the shock and terror of the fight have burned through her nerves too and she feels like a candle wick burned down to the point of scorching the wax.
But she can't sleep. Her thoughts are a blur. Once again, she's been someone's victim. Once again, there's someone here who wants her dead. Even with someone here to protect her, that sense of safety she had so slowly been getting used to has been snuffed clean out.
But it's that having someone to protect her that's the scary part. Even someone as stupid as her knows what it means when someone holds you and she knows what it means when she's the one who asks to be held. It hadn't gone any further than that, a momentary lapse in judgement and an indulgence to go with it, and that's good - it can't be allowed to go further. She'd been shaken up and afraid and that's as fine an excuse as any, but that's where it has to end. She won't allow it to affect her any more than that.
Surely Oberon would think the same. They can cheerily return to the status quo and pretend nothing happened. And if he doesn't... well. Dealing with one-sided feelings is an idol's job. She can manage it.
When she finally sleeps that night, Ai dreams of blood, pain that rots deeper than bone marrow and the voice of a beloved fan snarling "Does that hurt, bitch? Huh?!". She dreams of Aqua trembling in her arms, Ruby's voice breaking into sobs. She dreams of somebody's hand cradling her face and after that, she doesn't dream of anything at all.
When she wakes, it's well beyond noon and she feels no better rested for any of it. She's still a little shaky and when she rises from her bed, her head swims. When she washes up for the day, her hands are ice cold and when she forces herself to practice her smile in the mirror before she heads out into the front room, her face is ghostly pale.
She's worked under worse conditions. She can handle this just fine.
It's Ai of B-Komachi, then, who comes breezing out into the living room. She's talking even as she makes her way in, as if to pre-emptively send the message that she absolutely, unequivocally is not going to talk about it. ]
Good morning! Or I guess it's not exactly morning anymore, huh? Oops! I guess that's what I get for lazing around in bed for so long. Heehee.
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But she can't sleep. Her thoughts are a blur. Once again, she's been someone's victim. Once again, there's someone here who wants her dead. Even with someone here to protect her, that sense of safety she had so slowly been getting used to has been snuffed clean out.
But it's that having someone to protect her that's the scary part. Even someone as stupid as her knows what it means when someone holds you and she knows what it means when she's the one who asks to be held. It hadn't gone any further than that, a momentary lapse in judgement and an indulgence to go with it, and that's good - it can't be allowed to go further. She'd been shaken up and afraid and that's as fine an excuse as any, but that's where it has to end. She won't allow it to affect her any more than that.
Surely Oberon would think the same. They can cheerily return to the status quo and pretend nothing happened. And if he doesn't... well. Dealing with one-sided feelings is an idol's job. She can manage it.
When she finally sleeps that night, Ai dreams of blood, pain that rots deeper than bone marrow and the voice of a beloved fan snarling "Does that hurt, bitch? Huh?!". She dreams of Aqua trembling in her arms, Ruby's voice breaking into sobs. She dreams of somebody's hand cradling her face and after that, she doesn't dream of anything at all.
When she wakes, it's well beyond noon and she feels no better rested for any of it. She's still a little shaky and when she rises from her bed, her head swims. When she washes up for the day, her hands are ice cold and when she forces herself to practice her smile in the mirror before she heads out into the front room, her face is ghostly pale.
She's worked under worse conditions. She can handle this just fine.
It's Ai of B-Komachi, then, who comes breezing out into the living room. She's talking even as she makes her way in, as if to pre-emptively send the message that she absolutely, unequivocally is not going to talk about it. ]
Good morning! Or I guess it's not exactly morning anymore, huh? Oops! I guess that's what I get for lazing around in bed for so long. Heehee.