[ Before he's even done speaking, Ai cuts across him. ]
Is this some kind of joke?
[ Her voice trembles, as does her breath on a shaky, wet inhale. Even without being able to see her, it's clear why this was an audio call and not video.
She's crying. ]
If this is supposed to be f-funny, I don't— [ Another sharp intake of breath. ] What's wrong with you!? Was messing around with my phone not good enough? I haven't done anything wrong, I haven't done anything at all since I got home and— Is that what this is? Are you angry? Is this some kind of threat, if I don't go back to B-Komachi, you'll—
[ Once again, her voice cracks. Her composure has fractured to pieces, too. In its place is a gruesome blend of ugly emotions — anger, humiliation and fear all bleeding together into something that can only make its way out of you in tears. ]
I didn't do anything wrong! [ Again, louder, even as her voice breaks: ] I didn't do anything wrong! You and Ryosuke-kun and all the rest of them, why can't you— why can't you just leave me alone?!
[ Finally, she runs out of breath. The words stop pouring out.
But if the sharp, breathy noises on the call are anything to go by, she hasn't stopped crying. ]
[He takes a startled breath at her outburst, hearing all that emotion pouring out.
He's suddenly so glad this isn't over video. If it was he's sure his soul would have been unbalanced from the waves of it alone. Even just hearing it is making the disquiet ramp up to outright dismay- just like it was that day. It makes him tremble, his breath catching]
I... nothing that happened to you was a joke. None of this was justified. Or fair.
[ 'The only thing fair in life was death'. Everyone and everything died. The only true equalizer. But that didn't mean everything leading to it was. Life was cruel. He wondered how mortals could bare it. His voice was shuddering. He should hang up. Right now.
[ It takes a long while for her to respond. She's still on the call — the app is still connected and her wet breaths and sniffs and gasps come through occasionally. Even though the tears are still coming, the flood of emotions that had come with them have already gone dry and she feels wrung out and exhausted. To her immense frustration, guilt pools into her stomach as well, as if she should feel at all bad for letting any of that come pouring out of her, especially not in the face of a creep harassing her like this.
She should just hang up and try to calm down before anyone comes home and sees her like this. Before anyone else realizes that Hoshino Ai cries when she's by herself more days than she doesn't.
But for some reason, she stays on the call. She doesn't stop talking. ]
Nobody's ever sorry. [ She chokes on the words again. ] Do you know what he said to me? "Does that hurt, you bitch?" You're telling me that's how things were supposed to go?
[ She's always known that Hoshino Ai being here at all was a mistake. Since she was a child, she's known there was no place in the world for a person like her to belong. But she had created one, a place where she could try and exist without anyone else's permission.
Having someone try to correct that mistake at all is one thing. Someone telling her they should have done it is another altogether. ]
[he wants to deny that it was how it was supposed to go, but... it was. All predetermined.
He always found that fact oddly comforting. Not so much, right now. He bites back the instinct to answer- he can't lie. But he is not compelled to speak when asked]
...
I think... I understand now. Thank you.
[He whispers, feeling ill with it. He won't be able to do his task. He won't be able to report in and have someone else do it. The wheels can't be stopped, but he has no right now to try and reset them himself]
I ... I am sorry. I really am. Pretend... this never happened, and live well. I won't bother you again.
[She is still doomed, certainly. But these few months are ones she never would have had, and it could be months more before things are settled.]
She does it hard enough that her phone slips out of her hand and clatters to the floor once more. She doesn't pick it up and doesn't bother to try and get rid of that stupid app. She just curls up tight, face pressed to her knees, and tries to calm down and put a smile back on her face before anybody gets home. She's done it before plenty of times. She can easily do it again.
This time, though, she doesn't get so far as even washing her face before Miyako arrives. She sees Ai's face soaked with tears and snot and everything else that's ugly and asks what's wrong in a voice so soft and so tender that it makes Ai wants to throw up. She spends the rest of that evening crying in Miyako's lap, the open-mouthed and unashamed wailing of a child who hasn't yet learned to be embarrassed of the enormity of her own feelings. Miyako says nothing but she strokes Ai's hair in slow, steady sweeps, the same way Ai would do to Aqua or Ruby and somehow, it's enough. She doesn't go to bed that night — she cries herself to exhaustion right there on the sofa. She thinks Ichigo tucks a blanket around her and squeezes her shoulder uncertainly but after that, she doesn't remember anything at all.
By the end of the month, they find her somebody to talk to. After everything that's happened, the name 'Hoshino Ai' does a lot to cut through red tape. She feels sick and ashamed at the prospect of needing a doctor to poke around her head and tell her all the things that are wrong with her, but she makes herself imagine what would happen if she had a meltdown like that in front of Aqua or Ruby and it's enough to force herself to go to the first session.
Things are easier after that. Not 'easy'. Easier. She talks about a lot of things she doesn't talk about at home and that she's never really talked about with anybody else. She spills her dirtiest, most wretched secrets and nobody tells her she's filthy or rotten or wrong. You did your best. You've been working so hard. the doctor tells her and eventually, despite herself, Ai starts to feel like she might believe it.
It's two months after the strange phone call that Ai opens the app again. For some reason she hadn't been able to bring herself to delete it, so she'd squirreled it away in a folder off her home screen. She tells herself she doesn't know why, but really, she knows perfectly well: it'd been the tremble in that man's voice as he'd apologized to her. His wish that she live well and the promised silence that had followed.
It'd been one of the rare lies she'd told her doctor and the niggling guilt it had left her with. ]
Kotobuki-sensei asked me about you today. Oh Well not you exactly but I'll start again.
Kotobuki-sensei is my
SOUL#55891 is typing... SOUL#55891 is typing... SOUL#55891 is typing... SOUL#55891 is
She's a doctor I talk to. She asked me what made me so upset back then The day you first called me And I didn't really know what to say So I told her I didn't remember And she said that was OK I don't know why I lied But telling her about you felt icky And I was scared she'd think I was cr I was scared she'd think I was making it up But I guess it doesn't matter now I don't even know why I'm saying all this You're probably not even there but You said "live well" And I don't know if I am yet but I think I'm going to do my best to try
[The weeks after the call had been... strange and stressful for Casper. His choice was dangerous, but his record was immaculate otherwise, so he decides to risk everything on the hope no one would look too closely.
If it didn't work the outcome would be the same for him, so he saw no reason not to try other than... well... his pride as a Reaper. And he had already destroyed that, hadn't he?
So with trembling hands he crossed Hoshino Ai's name off the list. Accounting it as harvested. He waited until a day where he had a large log to fill- many souls. And then he waited, laying in bed curled around Asrael and trying not to be sick. Reapers lost souls- otherwise ghosts wouldn't exist. But he never had. Not once. He just had to pray no one would notice his numbers being just that tiny tiny bit off. Just this once.
And nothing happened. No summons. No punishment. His spotless record had saved him- no one checked his count.
The fact that no other reapers would attempt to reap her as long as it wasn't noticed was something he tried not to think too much about. He would have to do it himself, someday, if he was never found out. But not today.
Not Today.
He ended up Soul Sick for days after- the many souls he let build up as cover and the stress hitting him badly. But that eventually passed. And things... just went back to normal. he worked: it was his passion, after all. If anything he worked harder than ever to counter his sin. But still, his thoughts often went back to that day. Tempted to check in on her. But he made an oath, and he intended so keep it. But the thought was always there.
Until the day his app pings.
He stares at it, reading the messages with something like... happiness? Relief? More proof the plan worked. And she was doing... well? He hoped so. He raises his hands to start responding, the Grim Reaper is typing... indicator showing for a few moments. But he froze... then deleted it, letting it go dark again.
[ He really was still there. And he'd started replying, too, if only for a second. Ai waits a few moments longer for a message to come through, or for the typing indicator to pop back up but...
Nothing. Huh.
... petty payback really isn't becoming of an idol, but... ]
Hey! I saw that! You started to say something then you stopped Didn't you? How come you stopped? Did you get interrupted? These message pings are really loud huh Did you set them like that by accident or on purpose? Hellooooooo I bet you're still there Heeeeeeeeelloooooooooooooooooooo Eaaaaaaaarth to Grim Reeeeaperrrrrr Hm That's kind of a wordy thing to call someone Like it's a title I get it but I can't call you that all the time It sounds weird Hm I'll come up with something Hellooooooo Hello hello hellooooo Reaper-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun I bet all these pings are suuuuuuuuper annoying See how you like it R e a p e r k u n
[ Oh between this and the "ore-sama" of it all, this is one hundred percent a guy deep in a chuuni phase. Or a gimmick steamer way too into the kayfabe. Same difference, honestly. ]
Hmm. I think I'll stick with Reaper-kun ⭐ Since you were the one who hacked my phone I think we can break the ice a little
Me too. I was honestly kind of shocked the messages even went through... I was sure the whole thing would've stopped working by now
...
I don't know why I tried in the first place I'm still really
SOUL#55891 is typing... SOUL#55891 is typing... SOUL#55891 is typing...
I was upset over what you said for a while But The more I thought about it the more it didn't make any sense You were so desperate to talk to me you hacked my phone but you backed off when I asked you to You said something that horrible but when you heard me crying, you told me you were sorry and you never talked to me again I guess I can't figure out what it is you want And that's usually the one thing I'm good at
ah. yeah, i suppose that would be confusing for you. but... anything i could tell you would just upset you. it's better that you don't know. what was happening is no longer an issue
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no subject
Hello?
no subject
Is this some kind of joke?
[ Her voice trembles, as does her breath on a shaky, wet inhale. Even without being able to see her, it's clear why this was an audio call and not video.
She's crying. ]
If this is supposed to be f-funny, I don't— [ Another sharp intake of breath. ] What's wrong with you!? Was messing around with my phone not good enough? I haven't done anything wrong, I haven't done anything at all since I got home and— Is that what this is? Are you angry? Is this some kind of threat, if I don't go back to B-Komachi, you'll—
[ Once again, her voice cracks. Her composure has fractured to pieces, too. In its place is a gruesome blend of ugly emotions — anger, humiliation and fear all bleeding together into something that can only make its way out of you in tears. ]
I didn't do anything wrong! [ Again, louder, even as her voice breaks: ] I didn't do anything wrong! You and Ryosuke-kun and all the rest of them, why can't you— why can't you just leave me alone?!
[ Finally, she runs out of breath. The words stop pouring out.
But if the sharp, breathy noises on the call are anything to go by, she hasn't stopped crying. ]
no subject
He's suddenly so glad this isn't over video. If it was he's sure his soul would have been unbalanced from the waves of it alone. Even just hearing it is making the disquiet ramp up to outright dismay- just like it was that day. It makes him tremble, his breath catching]
I... nothing that happened to you was a joke. None of this was justified. Or fair.
[ 'The only thing fair in life was death'. Everyone and everything died. The only true equalizer. But that didn't mean everything leading to it was. Life was cruel. He wondered how mortals could bare it. His voice was shuddering. He should hang up. Right now.
But like that day he can't make himself move]
I'm... sorry. I failed you in that moment.
no subject
She should just hang up and try to calm down before anyone comes home and sees her like this. Before anyone else realizes that Hoshino Ai cries when she's by herself more days than she doesn't.
But for some reason, she stays on the call. She doesn't stop talking. ]
Nobody's ever sorry. [ She chokes on the words again. ] Do you know what he said to me? "Does that hurt, you bitch?" You're telling me that's how things were supposed to go?
[ She's always known that Hoshino Ai being here at all was a mistake. Since she was a child, she's known there was no place in the world for a person like her to belong. But she had created one, a place where she could try and exist without anyone else's permission.
Having someone try to correct that mistake at all is one thing. Someone telling her they should have done it is another altogether. ]
no subject
He always found that fact oddly comforting. Not so much, right now. He bites back the instinct to answer- he can't lie. But he is not compelled to speak when asked]
...
I think... I understand now. Thank you.
[He whispers, feeling ill with it. He won't be able to do his task. He won't be able to report in and have someone else do it. The wheels can't be stopped, but he has no right now to try and reset them himself]
I ... I am sorry. I really am. Pretend... this never happened, and live well. I won't bother you again.
[She is still doomed, certainly. But these few months are ones she never would have had, and it could be months more before things are settled.]
no subject
She does it hard enough that her phone slips out of her hand and clatters to the floor once more. She doesn't pick it up and doesn't bother to try and get rid of that stupid app. She just curls up tight, face pressed to her knees, and tries to calm down and put a smile back on her face before anybody gets home. She's done it before plenty of times. She can easily do it again.
This time, though, she doesn't get so far as even washing her face before Miyako arrives. She sees Ai's face soaked with tears and snot and everything else that's ugly and asks what's wrong in a voice so soft and so tender that it makes Ai wants to throw up. She spends the rest of that evening crying in Miyako's lap, the open-mouthed and unashamed wailing of a child who hasn't yet learned to be embarrassed of the enormity of her own feelings. Miyako says nothing but she strokes Ai's hair in slow, steady sweeps, the same way Ai would do to Aqua or Ruby and somehow, it's enough. She doesn't go to bed that night — she cries herself to exhaustion right there on the sofa. She thinks Ichigo tucks a blanket around her and squeezes her shoulder uncertainly but after that, she doesn't remember anything at all.
By the end of the month, they find her somebody to talk to. After everything that's happened, the name 'Hoshino Ai' does a lot to cut through red tape. She feels sick and ashamed at the prospect of needing a doctor to poke around her head and tell her all the things that are wrong with her, but she makes herself imagine what would happen if she had a meltdown like that in front of Aqua or Ruby and it's enough to force herself to go to the first session.
Things are easier after that. Not 'easy'. Easier. She talks about a lot of things she doesn't talk about at home and that she's never really talked about with anybody else. She spills her dirtiest, most wretched secrets and nobody tells her she's filthy or rotten or wrong. You did your best. You've been working so hard. the doctor tells her and eventually, despite herself, Ai starts to feel like she might believe it.
It's two months after the strange phone call that Ai opens the app again. For some reason she hadn't been able to bring herself to delete it, so she'd squirreled it away in a folder off her home screen. She tells herself she doesn't know why, but really, she knows perfectly well: it'd been the tremble in that man's voice as he'd apologized to her. His wish that she live well and the promised silence that had followed.
It'd been one of the rare lies she'd told her doctor and the niggling guilt it had left her with. ]
Kotobuki-sensei asked me about you today.
Oh
Well not you exactly but
I'll start again.
Kotobuki-sensei is my
SOUL#55891 is typing...
SOUL#55891 is typing...
SOUL#55891 is typing...
SOUL#55891 is
She's a doctor I talk to.
She asked me what made me so upset back then
The day you first called me
And I
didn't really know what to say
So I told her I didn't remember
And she said that was OK
I don't know why I lied
But telling her about you felt icky
And I was scared she'd think I was cr
I was scared she'd think I was making it up
But I guess it doesn't matter now
I don't even know why I'm saying all this
You're probably not even there
but
You said "live well"
And I don't know if I am yet but
I think I'm going to do my best to try
no subject
If it didn't work the outcome would be the same for him, so he saw no reason not to try other than... well... his pride as a Reaper. And he had already destroyed that, hadn't he?
So with trembling hands he crossed Hoshino Ai's name off the list. Accounting it as harvested. He waited until a day where he had a large log to fill- many souls. And then he waited, laying in bed curled around Asrael and trying not to be sick. Reapers lost souls- otherwise ghosts wouldn't exist. But he never had. Not once. He just had to pray no one would notice his numbers being just that tiny tiny bit off. Just this once.
And nothing happened. No summons. No punishment. His spotless record had saved him- no one checked his count.
The fact that no other reapers would attempt to reap her as long as it wasn't noticed was something he tried not to think too much about. He would have to do it himself, someday, if he was never found out. But not today.
Not Today.
He ended up Soul Sick for days after- the many souls he let build up as cover and the stress hitting him badly. But that eventually passed. And things... just went back to normal. he worked: it was his passion, after all. If anything he worked harder than ever to counter his sin. But still, his thoughts often went back to that day. Tempted to check in on her. But he made an oath, and he intended so keep it. But the thought was always there.
Until the day his app pings.
He stares at it, reading the messages with something like... happiness? Relief? More proof the plan worked. And she was doing... well? He hoped so. He raises his hands to start responding, the Grim Reaper is typing... indicator showing for a few moments. But he froze... then deleted it, letting it go dark again.
He made an oath.]
no subject
[ He really was still there. And he'd started replying, too, if only for a second. Ai waits a few moments longer for a message to come through, or for the typing indicator to pop back up but...
Nothing. Huh.
... petty payback really isn't becoming of an idol, but... ]
Hey!
I saw that!
You started to say something then you stopped
Didn't you?
How come you stopped?
Did you get interrupted?
These message pings are really loud huh
Did you set them like that by accident or on purpose?
Hellooooooo
I bet you're still there
Heeeeeeeeelloooooooooooooooooooo
Eaaaaaaaarth to Grim Reeeeaperrrrrr
Hm
That's kind of a wordy thing to call someone
Like it's a title I get it but I can't call you that all the time
It sounds weird
Hm
I'll come up with something
Hellooooooo
Hello hello hellooooo
Reaper-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
I bet all these pings are suuuuuuuuper annoying
See how you like it
R
e
a
p
e
r
k
u
n
no subject
Eventually:]
USE PROPER ADDRESS FOR ME!
no subject
Wow that made you so mad you went allcaps on me
But at least you responded
What's proper address for a grim reaper supposed to be anyway?
no subject
no subject
Hmm.
I think I'll stick with Reaper-kun ⭐
Since you were the one who hacked my phone
I think we can break the ice a little
no subject
...
i'm surprised you texted me.
no subject
I was honestly kind of shocked the messages even went through... I was sure the whole thing would've stopped working by now
...
I don't know why I tried in the first place
I'm still really
SOUL#55891 is typing...
SOUL#55891 is typing...
SOUL#55891 is typing...
I was upset over what you said for a while
But
The more I thought about it the more it didn't make any sense
You were so desperate to talk to me you hacked my phone but you backed off when I asked you to
You said something that horrible but when you heard me crying, you told me you were sorry and you never talked to me again
I guess
I can't figure out what it is you want
And that's usually the one thing I'm good at
no subject
but... anything i could tell you would just upset you.
it's better that you don't know.
what was happening is no longer an issue
no subject
I'm just saying.
no subject
that feeling... i don't like it.
no subject
I'd feel a whole lot less good about you still being on my phone if you'd LIKED that.
. . .
So
If this thing isn't still a problem
Are you still observing? Or whatever it was you said
Or did you give up?
Is that why you didn't answer?
no subject
and no, i have stayed away
no subject
You did promise but
hm
I guess I wasn't expecting you to keep it
no subject
no subject
[ and she would know! ]
no subject
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If that's the case I feel like I should interrogate you a little bit
Since you're so truthful and all.
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