[ When she steps back, it's too fast. She almost stumbles and doesn't realize where she's going until her back hits the wall. Panic flares up in her belly for a second but then something dampens it. Confusion. A different kind of recognition. His face is so close that she has nowhere to look but right into his eyes and—
She hadn't seen it before. Of course she hadn't. He'd never let her. But Oberon's eyes had been the same sort of blue as that boy's and it's only now she realizes just how terribly cold they were. A deceptively cold sunny day in the dead of winter. But looking now — Vortigern, as he'd said... his eyes are warm. Even when his voice is so dreadfully cold.
Her breath all comes rushing out. The noise is more heated than she'd like to admit because it's only now here in all this that she realizes what had been missing. Heat. Warmth. It's all here where he should be the coldest, the most bitter and frigid and yet even when his teeth sting—
There's no way. There's no way it could be this way around, could it? ]
That was your wish. That was what you wanted.
[ There's a horrible, dawning comprehension in her voice. The fear is there — the fear and the confusion and everything else to be expected — but it's too warm. Too breathy. It sounds so terribly, awfully like understanding.
The role she had played all those years ago. The name she'd forgotten until just this moment. ]
[ for a moment, everything feels... right. once more, he's irredeemable. monstrous. a bringer of calamity, as he's always been. if he can't have her, then he can bring curses onto the world around them both-
you wanted titania. his face drops. his sneer fades into a frown. and he just says- ]
Shut up. [ he sounds- irritated. actually irritated, for the very first time. a second time, louder, he says- ] Shut up- [ -and then, again- ] Shut up. Don't say her name. You have no right.
[ his free hand reaches up; black claws serpentine through her hair, grab tight. and he bites further down, where neck meets shoulder, and even in that a thrill of prana and something else make their way through that bond. fear? adoration? hatred? maybe all of it. who can say. but right now- ]
Never say that name again.
[ -right now, all that matters is that she doesn't say it. she can't say it. because if she does, that one last lie will come crashing down.
and if she does that, he can't handle what happens after. ]
[ Another noise. Thin, like she'd tried to catch it and quiet it on the way out then given up entirely on silencing it. Her heart is pounding so hard in her throat it's a wonder anything made it's way out — but her head is spinning too fast for her to make any that would make sense, anyway.
He's angry — but not at her. If he really, truly wanted to hurt her then it wouldn't take even the slightest bit of effort for him to do so. His grip on her hair and her hand stings, his teeth risk breaking skin. But it isn't anger or disgust that wrenches something like that out of you — it's fear. This is mine. Don't touch it. Don't dirty it. This is precious to me, so please— don't steal it.
If you hold onto something hard enough to leave bruises, it's because you don't want to lose it. If you leave marks, it's because you want people to know it belongs to you.
For a second, she can't breathe at all. ]
... Oberon. Ah, no... Vortigern.
[ Her fingers curl around his a little uncertainly. Could it really be that simple? Could it really be something this awful and lovely all at once? ]
[ he understands what she's saying. he can see the truth of every word, laid out before him in a tapestry, and that only makes him angrier. ]
Haha! Do you really think begging will help?!
[ there's an almost desperate edge to his voice - a need for this to be cruel, a need to take this from her. if he can take it, he doesn't have to say he'll never give it. if he never says he wants to protect her, then it doesn't have to be a lie. he sucks at the newly-forming welt, harsh and fully intent on marking her; his leg slides between hers, pressing against her as he tries to make her understand just what it is he's sharing with taking from her. ]
This will hurt, Ai. [ pulling away from the new hickey, leaning in to hiss into her ear- ] And that's how it'll always be, from now on.
[ It's almost a little sad. She doesn't let herself have any pity, because pity makes things worse. She knows pity stings. And she can say that with certainty the way she's been able to say nothing else so certainly because some horrible clarity has clicked into place. Everything is topsy turvy and upside down and she was right — he is a liar. But he's a liar just in the same way she is, if their hearts are broken in all the same places—
Her thighs pinch a little tighter around his leg and her throat hums with a warm noise. Still restrained. Still not quite trusting herself to let out the fullness of her voice. ]
Okay. I get it.
[ Her voice is so soft. She's been so angry before, so angry and afraid but... how could she be truly angry at someone just like her?
Her free hand steals up to bury itself in the heavy stole around his shoulders and she turns to look at him, properly. His expression is sharp and twisted but it means nothing at all. It's just as fake as every smile she's ever worn on stage. Does he really think she can't see it? ]
[ soft-skinned thighs tense, press down around his leg; those eyes of hers, beautiful and splendid like a starry night, gaze into his own. every word she says betrays her own truth, her own lies, her sudden understanding of every part of him.
it's maddening, how much he despises this girl. ]
Fine, then. If you're so desperate for attention.
[ the hand in her hair lets go, drops down - grabs at ai's breast through her shirt. those touches of his, once so gentle, feel rough to the point of cruelty now: his fingers squeeze and pinch, just as hard as he nips and bites and bruises at her upper shoulder. his leg pushes in, trying to pin her to the wall just as much as he tries to give her sensation to ride out.
and the whole while, his clawed hand remains in hers - holding tight, tight enough to bruise her delicate skin. ]
[ Hurt me, she'd said. Not without trepidation or fear, but as a test. Maybe even a challenge. Because as he is now, there's no way she'd be able to stop him or get away if he really wanted to do so. She knows that. But when dared to do it, this is the best he can come up with — holding her so hard that she bruises, as if he thinks she might slip out of his grip the second he lets up. He's not gentle. He's not kind. But it feels like the first time that he's ever really wanted her, in sharp comparison to the sickly sugary words he'd poured into her ears every other time he's touched her.
That was the thing she'd wanted, wasn't it? Her wish. The thing she thought she needed a miracle to grant. A person who'd know she was rotten and selfish and sullied and want her anyway.
Her weight sags into him, as best she can while she's pinned to the wall. Her face presses into his hair and when his teeth threaten to break her skin again, the noise that rises from her mouth finally resolves into a moan. She lifts her hips into his touch and though she knows that anyone else would think she's lost her mind, that when Saitou sees her covered in bruises and hickeys tomorrow he might just lose his too — but she doesn't care. ]
That hurts... [ No lie. Of course it does — but the plaintive note in her voice isn't a plea for him to stop, it's for more. ] I didn't know you were such a bully.
[ "that hurts." please, keep going. "i didn't know you were such a bully." love me. want me. we're the same, aren't we?
the laugh that escapes him is nearly manic. she sees him, she sees him, she sees him. he feels faint. he feels terrified. he wants her, more hopelessly than anything. ]
Oh? I don't bully good little girls, though. [ no one else is worth my love. ] Only broken sluts like you. [ someone like you is the only one i could possibly adore.
his hand slips under her shirt, practically yanks her bra out of the way - grabs, pinches, pushes her against the wall with the force of his hatred (adoration). he rolls his hips against her, pressing his thigh in even as he grinds into her hip. and he leans in, until his lips almost brush against hers-
-freezes, his own motions flinching to a stop-
-pulls away, presses a kiss to her cheek. he can't handle the idea of refusal. he can't. ]
[ Liar. she thinks. Liar, liar, liar. She'd wanted to spit it at him before like an accusation but now it sounds so lovely she can barely stand it. Of course he's a liar — he's the exact same sort of liar as her. Neither of them can ever talk about loving or wanting anyone without it being a lie but that doesn't matter. The truth is all there in the friction of their bodies pressing into each other, the way his fingers dig into her skin. This isn't someone pawing half-heartedly at her for their own satisfaction — it feels so good that even when it stings, her nerves sing.
Her breath is shallow, all huffed moans and sweet, impatient noises. She doesn't get a chance to pull in a proper gasp of air until he stops — and it all comes back out when she realizes why he'd stopped.
He's an excellent liar. Good enough that he tricked her, even if it was only for a while. But he's not quite so good as an actor. What a terrible recovery. Before he can pull back any further, the hand that had been clinging to the furs around his shoulders drifts upwards to comb through his hair and cradle the back of his head. She doesn't let him protest or twist it as she knows he surely would if given the chance — she just tips her head up and presses her lips against his.
Ah. That's right. This is the first time they've kissed for real, isn't it? And she didn't even warn him or ask if she could. She wonders if he'll bite out her tongue. But probably not. ]
[ ai understands the lie he hasn't even voiced, and their lips meet.
he almost freezes again, for a moment - and then he kisses back, hungry and needy and utterly, utterly terrified. always listen to me. never hear me. always see through me. never look at me. as your servant, i forbid you from leaving. a hundred little contradictions in one. fitting, for something like him.
he's not sure when he pulls her away from the wall, down onto the floor of the apartment. probably sometime after he bites her lower lip and she whimpers, teary and submissive and just as needy for him as he feels for her. he's not sure when his stole and shirt came undone - when his sunken, skinny chest finally became visible for the first time - or when hers came off either, come to think of it.
it doesn't matter. none of this matters. all that matters is that her lips are against his and her tongue brushes his and that he's finally, finally found her. ]
You stupid- stupid, stupid bitch, [ he whispers into the untouched part of her neck, his shoulders shuddering and his voice quaking beneath the weight. ] You can never go back from something like this. You'll be tainted. Defiled, even more than you already are.
[ she's so pure. so fragile. so beautiful, so perfect, so full of kindness and mischief and desire and lies. the thought of staining his titania's lily white dress - it hurts, even like this. ]
Beg if you have regrets. Maybe I'll listen.
[ even he's no longer sure where lie begins and ends. ]
[ Ai doesn't need to see herself to know what a mess she must look right now. Her hand is sore and she thinks that when she bathes tonight or tomorrow, she'll see bruises in all the places he touched. Her mark on her neck must be as dark and livid as her command seal and her mouth is puffy and stinging from a bite. She also knows she must be wearing the sort of face an idol like her should ever make — a sweet, melting, utterly love drunk expression. She's seen past the trick of the light now. She knows what he's saying. ]
I know. [ How could she not know? Of course she can't go back from this. She's been so miserably lonely, so needy for anyone to see her and want has as she is with no compromises — now that she has him, of course she could never go back. ] But it's too late for me to try and have regrets, right?
[ Her arms wind around his neck and she hugs him, pressing her face into his hair. She wants to touch him and be touched properly so badly she could cry from needing it. ]
[ she's been disgraced. marked, stained, defaced. she's the most beautiful woman he's ever met, a hundred times over. the scent of her hair, her flesh against his - how can he go back? ]
At least you know that much. Maybe you're smarter than you look.
[ idiot. idiot. who else could adore him, seeing him like this? little daggers, etching i love you with every word. he reaches down, forces his hand past the waistband of her leggings - strokes at her, shockingly delicate for such wicked claws. ]
No one wants a filthy idol. Nobody else will take you now. [ i'll be by your side as long as you'd have me. ] You know that, right?
[ Her breath hitches. He's touched her like this so many times before but never like this- not when she's this needy and warm and never when he's actually been looking at her. She'd felt how easily he could hurt her so that he's touching her so gently now, like she's something delicate and precious -
She makes a greedy little noise of approval and her hips lift into his touch. ]
I know. I've always known that.
[ That's why she lies. It's why she has to lie. But of course he understands that without her needing to say it. Maybe he has all along. ]
So it has to be you. If nobody else will, then it has to be you.
[ he shudders, overcome by arousalrevulsion, presses in just a bit more firmly - strokes small circles around her as he hisses into her ear. ]
Revolting. Disgusting. Die in a ditch. Carrion bugs like you make me sick. [ insects. family. we're two sides of a coin. ] You're lucky I'm willing to even look at you.
[ he reaches up, jerks at her hair - pulls her to look at him again before crushing his lips against hers. and the whole while, that gentle pace continues, stroking and circling and loving her. ]
[ Another of those high, needy noises rises out of her throat and she thinks — she's expected to believe all that when he's touching her this sweetly and this warmly? It doesn't make any sense at all. It makes perfect sense. Someone who's as much of a liar as she is could never talk about love and have it be true — and someone who's as much of a liar as he is could never talk about anything else and have it be true either. So if you can't speak words of love, what other choice do you have?
Her thighs pinch together again. Her whole body feels wound tight and warm and she can barely breathe. It's so good her head is spinning and the arms that'd been clinging onto his neck for purchase draw even tighter. ]
You're— the worst— [ She huffs that out as best she can between kisses, her voice ragged and uneven. ] Right here on the floor instead of taking me to bed— you couldn't wait...
[ He couldn't wait. He's so impatient to have her, they're doing this here. When has anyone ever wanted her like that? ]
[ it's incredible, how he keeps the same pace the whole while. even as ai's arms tighten around him. even as her tongue plays at his lips. even when she says that and he sees, understanding full well - the bed, not now but after, please, keep loving me-
the way his fingers stay gentle up until he tugs her leggings down - those wicked claws suddenly shredding through the same fabric he'd been so gentle with - it betrays something. the depths of his affection. the way he adores her. how much he loves her- ]
I told you already, didn't I? You mean nothing. This is just for my entertainment, by this point.
[ -even if he will never, ever be able to say it truthfully. ]
Well? Is this what you wanted?
[ because even now, even like this, he cannot possibly comprehend that being the truth. ]
[ Ah. They really are going to do things properly this time, then. No more half-hearted excuses for restraint and for leaving her a cold, quivering mess. She wonders just which of them he thinks he's fooling — if he thinks he's fooling either of them at all, at this point.
Liar. she thinks again. But she doesn't bother saying it. There's no point, when both of them know.
She eases herself back, flat onto the floor. Her hair's still damp, clinging to her bruised and bitten neck and the dark wood floor is cold under her bare skin. But she doesn't flinch. One hand curls back from around his neck and slowly, almost dreamily, she brushes the dark hair from his forehead. It suits him better like this, she thinks. ]
Yes. [ She smooths a lock of hair behind his ear. The tips of her fingers skim his jawline too — she's realizing now that she's never been permitted to touch him before and now she desperately wants to. ] I was wishing for it as hard as I could when I summoned you. Because it's true — I'm underhanded and dirty. As people go... I'm hopeless. The only thing I've ever known how to do is tell pretty lies that make people happy.
[ She's cradling his face now — one thumb smoothing over the crest of his cheek. He makes such ugly faces like he's trying to cover it up, but... from this close, his eyes are so, so lovely. ]
But you came to find me. You came to see me. And I've been wishing for that before I ever knew about the Grail. So... pleasetouchme.
[ she's touching him. looking into his eyes, stroking his cheek, and saying such wonderful horrible things. she's agreeing with every cruel word out of his liar's mouth, and she means it-
and he can't bring himself to stop. even now, staring down at her beneath him, trying to drink up as much of her body as he can with his gaze still locked on hers, he can't stop talking. ]
Haha. Ha. [ even now, as his human fingers fumble at his trousers, his verminous side betrays him; he runs the back of a claw along her cheek, unspeakably gentle despite the impending reality of what he intends to do. ] Deep down, you're just an ordinary girl. Just like any other.
[ the grandest, most unbelievable lie he's ever told. nobody could ever be like her. she is his queen, his beloved, his titania. he shoves cloth down and out of the way, lines up against her-
hesitates, even now. a blushing virgin to the very end. ]
[ An ordinary girl. Oh, wouldn't that be lovely? An ordinary girl like anybody else, who gets to love and live on her own terms, without needing anybody's permission, without hating herself to death for even wanting to try. But that's so far out of her reach, even she can't dream of it. She best she can hope for is to polish herself to such a brilliant mirror shine that the end result dazzles too much for anyone to get a close look. Too distant for anyone to try and touch.
But Oberon is here. Vortigern is here. He's looking at her and touching her in all the ways nobody is allowed to do. In the one way she's wanted somebody to for as long as she can remember. ]
I won't.
[ She says it with a smile — a wonky angle to her lips, like she's telling a joke she's unsure of. And instead of saying anything else — or letting him second guess her again — she tugs him down to meet her so she can kiss him again. She's done pretending to be patient. ]
[ her lips are at his, and her fingers are at his neck and through his hair, and in a single moment he is inside her.
it's different than he'd thought. warmer. wet, in a way that should remind him of the damp mud of the woods but feels instead like the sun burning him away. when he pauses, it's solely for his own sake - a moment to collect his thoughts, and nothing more. certainly no concern for the woman beneath him.
those cold blue eyes flare, blazing with adoration hatred. ]
Disgusting. Worthless. Don't you- [ -a sharp gasp, his head gently coming down to rest against hers- ] -don't you dare think you deserve my touch.
[ a lie that is the truth. a truth that is entirely falsehood. his hips begin to move, slow little motions that only barely push past the edge of comfort. and those eyes of his remain on hers every last second - watching, worrying, wishing for her happiness. ]
[ Her breath comes shuddering out of her against his mouth. This has already been so different from every other time he's touched her before but this is something else together. She feels warm, all the way up and down her spine and she thinks — she can't believe that he thought for a second she'd regret this. She's been so, so lonely for so long and for the person who sees her to be the one making her feel like this...
She wonders if he's the same. The hesitation feels a little familiar and she lets herself wonder for just a moment if maybe— after all, she has no idea how this sort of thing works for Servants. If that's the case, then...
Is it cruel to think of him as cute right now? Her fingers stroke through his hair and her voice is low, sweet and breathy. ]
Even if I don't, I still want it. You act like you're hurting me, but it all feels so good.
[ It stings. Her bruises ache. The places he marked with his teeth are and will be tender for hours to come. But now she sees him so clearly, how could she say any of it hurts? ]
[ she likes this. she wants this. that truth suffuses her every word, bright and shining and unbearable to look at. he can't possibly understand how someone like her would want him like this-
or maybe he can understand all too well. when her fingers thread through his hair, when a dirty little human offers him everything he's ever needed and then some-
his hips roll a bit further, a bit faster - still slow, still worried. ]
Some idol you are.
[ she is so, so much more than an idol. a goddess. a myth. a queen. ]
[ Her breath rushes out in a laugh. It should be bitter but even she's surprised to hear it come out warm, shaky and bright. ]
I know. I know — [ Her voice catches and she has to pull in a sharp breath to steady it again. ] Someone like me shouldn't be an idol. That's why it's all pretend.
[ She was broken long before she ever stood on stage but that was something that could be forgiven — but nobody can forgive an idol who's filthy, who cheats on her fans. The kind who lets someone have his way with her right out on the floor of her own home then asks to be taken to bed for more.
None of them would ever forgive her. None of them would ever accept her.
But that's fine. She tips her face up towards his, close enough to feel his breath on her mouth. ]
So I won't be an idol right now. I'lljustbeyourMaster. That's fine... right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
She hadn't seen it before. Of course she hadn't. He'd never let her. But Oberon's eyes had been the same sort of blue as that boy's and it's only now she realizes just how terribly cold they were. A deceptively cold sunny day in the dead of winter. But looking now — Vortigern, as he'd said... his eyes are warm. Even when his voice is so dreadfully cold.
Her breath all comes rushing out. The noise is more heated than she'd like to admit because it's only now here in all this that she realizes what had been missing. Heat. Warmth. It's all here where he should be the coldest, the most bitter and frigid and yet even when his teeth sting—
There's no way. There's no way it could be this way around, could it? ]
That was your wish. That was what you wanted.
[ There's a horrible, dawning comprehension in her voice. The fear is there — the fear and the confusion and everything else to be expected — but it's too warm. Too breathy. It sounds so terribly, awfully like understanding.
The role she had played all those years ago. The name she'd forgotten until just this moment. ]
You wanted Titania.
no subject
you wanted titania. his face drops. his sneer fades into a frown. and he just says- ]
Shut up. [ he sounds- irritated. actually irritated, for the very first time. a second time, louder, he says- ] Shut up- [ -and then, again- ] Shut up. Don't say her name. You have no right.
[ his free hand reaches up; black claws serpentine through her hair, grab tight. and he bites further down, where neck meets shoulder, and even in that a thrill of prana and something else make their way through that bond. fear? adoration? hatred? maybe all of it. who can say. but right now- ]
Never say that name again.
[ -right now, all that matters is that she doesn't say it. she can't say it. because if she does, that one last lie will come crashing down.
and if she does that, he can't handle what happens after. ]
no subject
He's angry — but not at her. If he really, truly wanted to hurt her then it wouldn't take even the slightest bit of effort for him to do so. His grip on her hair and her hand stings, his teeth risk breaking skin. But it isn't anger or disgust that wrenches something like that out of you — it's fear. This is mine. Don't touch it. Don't dirty it. This is precious to me, so please— don't steal it.
If you hold onto something hard enough to leave bruises, it's because you don't want to lose it. If you leave marks, it's because you want people to know it belongs to you.
For a second, she can't breathe at all. ]
... Oberon. Ah, no... Vortigern.
[ Her fingers curl around his a little uncertainly. Could it really be that simple? Could it really be something this awful and lovely all at once? ]
It's okay. You don't have to hurt me.
no subject
Haha! Do you really think begging will help?!
[ there's an almost desperate edge to his voice - a need for this to be cruel, a need to take this from her. if he can take it, he doesn't have to say he'll never give it. if he never says he wants to protect her, then it doesn't have to be a lie. he sucks at the newly-forming welt, harsh and fully intent on marking her; his leg slides between hers, pressing against her as he tries to make her understand just what it is he's
sharing withtaking from her. ]This will hurt, Ai. [ pulling away from the new hickey, leaning in to hiss into her ear- ] And that's how it'll always be, from now on.
no subject
Her thighs pinch a little tighter around his leg and her throat hums with a warm noise. Still restrained. Still not quite trusting herself to let out the fullness of her voice. ]
Okay. I get it.
[ Her voice is so soft. She's been so angry before, so angry and afraid but... how could she be truly angry at someone just like her?
Her free hand steals up to bury itself in the heavy stole around his shoulders and she turns to look at him, properly. His expression is sharp and twisted but it means nothing at all. It's just as fake as every smile she's ever worn on stage. Does he really think she can't see it? ]
Hurt me, then.
no subject
it's maddening, how much he despises this girl. ]
Fine, then. If you're so desperate for attention.
[ the hand in her hair lets go, drops down - grabs at ai's breast through her shirt. those touches of his, once so gentle, feel rough to the point of cruelty now: his fingers squeeze and pinch, just as hard as he nips and bites and bruises at her upper shoulder. his leg pushes in, trying to pin her to the wall just as much as he tries to give her sensation to ride out.
and the whole while, his clawed hand remains in hers - holding tight, tight enough to bruise her delicate skin. ]
no subject
That was the thing she'd wanted, wasn't it? Her wish. The thing she thought she needed a miracle to grant. A person who'd know she was rotten and selfish and sullied and want her anyway.
Her weight sags into him, as best she can while she's pinned to the wall. Her face presses into his hair and when his teeth threaten to break her skin again, the noise that rises from her mouth finally resolves into a moan. She lifts her hips into his touch and though she knows that anyone else would think she's lost her mind, that when Saitou sees her covered in bruises and hickeys tomorrow he might just lose his too — but she doesn't care. ]
That hurts... [ No lie. Of course it does — but the plaintive note in her voice isn't a plea for him to stop, it's for more. ] I didn't know you were such a bully.
no subject
the laugh that escapes him is nearly manic. she sees him, she sees him, she sees him. he feels faint. he feels terrified. he wants her, more hopelessly than anything. ]
Oh? I don't bully good little girls, though. [ no one else is worth my love. ] Only broken sluts like you. [ someone like you is the only one i could possibly adore.
his hand slips under her shirt, practically yanks her bra out of the way - grabs, pinches, pushes her against the wall with the force of his hatred (adoration). he rolls his hips against her, pressing his thigh in even as he grinds into her hip. and he leans in, until his lips almost brush against hers-
-freezes, his own motions flinching to a stop-
-pulls away, presses a kiss to her cheek. he can't handle the idea of refusal. he can't. ]
no subject
Her breath is shallow, all huffed moans and sweet, impatient noises. She doesn't get a chance to pull in a proper gasp of air until he stops — and it all comes back out when she realizes why he'd stopped.
He's an excellent liar. Good enough that he tricked her, even if it was only for a while. But he's not quite so good as an actor. What a terrible recovery. Before he can pull back any further, the hand that had been clinging to the furs around his shoulders drifts upwards to comb through his hair and cradle the back of his head. She doesn't let him protest or twist it as she knows he surely would if given the chance — she just tips her head up and presses her lips against his.
Ah. That's right. This is the first time they've kissed for real, isn't it? And she didn't even warn him or ask if she could. She wonders if he'll bite out her tongue. But probably not. ]
no subject
he almost freezes again, for a moment - and then he kisses back, hungry and needy and utterly, utterly terrified. always listen to me. never hear me. always see through me. never look at me. as your servant, i forbid you from leaving. a hundred little contradictions in one. fitting, for something like him.
he's not sure when he pulls her away from the wall, down onto the floor of the apartment. probably sometime after he bites her lower lip and she whimpers, teary and submissive and just as needy for him as he feels for her. he's not sure when his stole and shirt came undone - when his sunken, skinny chest finally became visible for the first time - or when hers came off either, come to think of it.
it doesn't matter. none of this matters. all that matters is that her lips are against his and her tongue brushes his and that he's finally, finally found her. ]
You stupid- stupid, stupid bitch, [ he whispers into the untouched part of her neck, his shoulders shuddering and his voice quaking beneath the weight. ] You can never go back from something like this. You'll be tainted. Defiled, even more than you already are.
[ she's so pure. so fragile. so beautiful, so perfect, so full of kindness and mischief and desire and lies. the thought of staining his titania's lily white dress - it hurts, even like this. ]
Beg if you have regrets. Maybe I'll listen.
[ even he's no longer sure where lie begins and ends. ]
no subject
I know. [ How could she not know? Of course she can't go back from this. She's been so miserably lonely, so needy for anyone to see her and want has as she is with no compromises — now that she has him, of course she could never go back. ] But it's too late for me to try and have regrets, right?
[ Her arms wind around his neck and she hugs him, pressing her face into his hair. She wants to touch him and be touched properly so badly she could cry from needing it. ]
You can't stop here.
[ "So please don't stop." ]
no subject
At least you know that much. Maybe you're smarter than you look.
[ idiot. idiot. who else could adore him, seeing him like this? little daggers, etching i love you with every word. he reaches down, forces his hand past the waistband of her leggings - strokes at her, shockingly delicate for such wicked claws. ]
No one wants a filthy idol. Nobody else will take you now. [ i'll be by your side as long as you'd have me. ] You know that, right?
no subject
She makes a greedy little noise of approval and her hips lift into his touch. ]
I know. I've always known that.
[ That's why she lies. It's why she has to lie. But of course he understands that without her needing to say it. Maybe he has all along. ]
So it has to be you. If nobody else will, then it has to be you.
no subject
arousalrevulsion, presses in just a bit more firmly - strokes small circles around her as he hisses into her ear. ]Revolting. Disgusting. Die in a ditch. Carrion bugs like you make me sick. [ insects. family. we're two sides of a coin. ] You're lucky I'm willing to even look at you.
[ he reaches up, jerks at her hair - pulls her to look at him again before crushing his lips against hers. and the whole while, that gentle pace continues, stroking and circling and loving her. ]
no subject
Her thighs pinch together again. Her whole body feels wound tight and warm and she can barely breathe. It's so good her head is spinning and the arms that'd been clinging onto his neck for purchase draw even tighter. ]
You're— the worst— [ She huffs that out as best she can between kisses, her voice ragged and uneven. ] Right here on the floor instead of taking me to bed— you couldn't wait...
[ He couldn't wait. He's so impatient to have her, they're doing this here. When has anyone ever wanted her like that? ]
no subject
[ it's incredible, how he keeps the same pace the whole while. even as ai's arms tighten around him. even as her tongue plays at his lips. even when she says that and he sees, understanding full well - the bed, not now but after, please, keep loving me-
the way his fingers stay gentle up until he tugs her leggings down - those wicked claws suddenly shredding through the same fabric he'd been so gentle with - it betrays something. the depths of his affection. the way he adores her. how much he loves her- ]
I told you already, didn't I? You mean nothing. This is just for my entertainment, by this point.
[ -even if he will never, ever be able to say it truthfully. ]
Well? Is this what you wanted?
[ because even now, even like this, he cannot possibly comprehend that being the truth. ]
no subject
Liar. she thinks again. But she doesn't bother saying it. There's no point, when both of them know.
She eases herself back, flat onto the floor. Her hair's still damp, clinging to her bruised and bitten neck and the dark wood floor is cold under her bare skin. But she doesn't flinch. One hand curls back from around his neck and slowly, almost dreamily, she brushes the dark hair from his forehead. It suits him better like this, she thinks. ]
Yes. [ She smooths a lock of hair behind his ear. The tips of her fingers skim his jawline too — she's realizing now that she's never been permitted to touch him before and now she desperately wants to. ] I was wishing for it as hard as I could when I summoned you. Because it's true — I'm underhanded and dirty. As people go... I'm hopeless. The only thing I've ever known how to do is tell pretty lies that make people happy.
[ She's cradling his face now — one thumb smoothing over the crest of his cheek. He makes such ugly faces like he's trying to cover it up, but... from this close, his eyes are so, so lovely. ]
But you came to find me. You came to see me. And I've been wishing for that before I ever knew about the Grail. So... please touch me.
no subject
wonderfulhorrible things. she's agreeing with every cruel word out of his liar's mouth, and she means it-and he can't bring himself to stop. even now, staring down at her beneath him, trying to drink up as much of her body as he can with his gaze still locked on hers, he can't stop talking. ]
Haha. Ha. [ even now, as his human fingers fumble at his trousers, his verminous side betrays him; he runs the back of a claw along her cheek, unspeakably gentle despite the impending reality of what he intends to do. ] Deep down, you're just an ordinary girl. Just like any other.
[ the grandest, most unbelievable lie he's ever told. nobody could ever be like her. she is his queen, his beloved, his titania. he shoves cloth down and out of the way, lines up against her-
hesitates, even now. a blushing virgin to the very end. ]
Don't bite your tongue, you little tart.
no subject
But Oberon is here. Vortigern is here. He's looking at her and touching her in all the ways nobody is allowed to do. In the one way she's wanted somebody to for as long as she can remember. ]
I won't.
[ She says it with a smile — a wonky angle to her lips, like she's telling a joke she's unsure of. And instead of saying anything else — or letting him second guess her again — she tugs him down to meet her so she can kiss him again. She's done pretending to be patient. ]
no subject
it's different than he'd thought. warmer. wet, in a way that should remind him of the damp mud of the woods but feels instead like the sun burning him away. when he pauses, it's solely for his own sake - a moment to collect his thoughts, and nothing more. certainly no concern for the woman beneath him.
those cold blue eyes flare, blazing with
adorationhatred. ]Disgusting. Worthless. Don't you- [ -a sharp gasp, his head gently coming down to rest against hers- ] -don't you dare think you deserve my touch.
[ a lie that is the truth. a truth that is entirely falsehood. his hips begin to move, slow little motions that only barely push past the edge of comfort. and those eyes of his remain on hers every last second - watching, worrying, wishing for her happiness. ]
no subject
She wonders if he's the same. The hesitation feels a little familiar and she lets herself wonder for just a moment if maybe— after all, she has no idea how this sort of thing works for Servants. If that's the case, then...
Is it cruel to think of him as cute right now? Her fingers stroke through his hair and her voice is low, sweet and breathy. ]
Even if I don't, I still want it. You act like you're hurting me, but it all feels so good.
[ It stings. Her bruises ache. The places he marked with his teeth are and will be tender for hours to come. But now she sees him so clearly, how could she say any of it hurts? ]
no subject
[ she likes this. she wants this. that truth suffuses her every word, bright and shining and unbearable to look at. he can't possibly understand how someone like her would want him like this-
or maybe he can understand all too well. when her fingers thread through his hair, when a dirty little human offers him everything he's ever needed and then some-
his hips roll a bit further, a bit faster - still slow, still worried. ]
Some idol you are.
[ she is so, so much more than an idol. a goddess. a myth. a queen. ]
no subject
I know. I know — [ Her voice catches and she has to pull in a sharp breath to steady it again. ] Someone like me shouldn't be an idol. That's why it's all pretend.
[ She was broken long before she ever stood on stage but that was something that could be forgiven — but nobody can forgive an idol who's filthy, who cheats on her fans. The kind who lets someone have his way with her right out on the floor of her own home then asks to be taken to bed for more.
None of them would ever forgive her. None of them would ever accept her.
But that's fine. She tips her face up towards his, close enough to feel his breath on her mouth. ]
So I won't be an idol right now. I'll just be your Master. That's fine... right?