[ Between the whir of the hairdryer, the warm air blowing against her skin and Rinne's gentle fingers in her hair, Ai feels decidedly soothed and she lets her eyes slide shut to enjoy it all the more. She has stylists and beauticians curl and tug and tie her hair into all kinds of styles all the time before she gets pushed out on stage but Rinne's careful, attentive touch is entirely different. She could get used to this kind of pampering just a little too easily.
Rinne wouldn't mind, right? This is the sort of thing married couples are supposed to do. ... She thinks. Not that they're close to counting as one of those just yet. ]
You did promise to spoil me. So I'm just taking you up on that.
[ Teasing as her words are, her voice is warm, lazy and pleased as well. ]
Since I'm so nice, I might let you do it for me next time, too. If you really want.
Really? [His laughter is a mix of relief and disbelief. It's a miracle he's even next to her to begin with.] When we tie the knot, I'll get to do it all the time.
[But the way he says it is giddy and gentle, not at all like the man who flirted with her at every turn.]
Would you really like that? Living together forever with me?
[ Ai's heart stumbles in her chest. But not unpleasantly.
That's what marriage is supposed to be like, right? It's a way of saying you want to be with someone forever. But the idea of being together had been a little vague in her brain and it's only when Rinne says living together that it solidifies a bit into something tangible. Something she can actually imagine.
Living together means waking up in the morning and having breakfast together. It means talking about your plans when you kiss goodbye at the door then meeting back at the table later to talk about your day. It means - the way Rinne talks about it - being family.
She's only started to understand what that means over the last few years. She'd never had one until she went and made her own, after all. To her, it's a word that means her, Aqua and Ruby - and she's surprised to realize just how easy is it to imagine Rinne slotting into that space, too. She remembers that selfish little daydream she'd had of bringing Ruby and Aqua to meet him, privately playacting like they were on a family outing but now she lets herself sketch out something a little different. Instead of Miyako sending her off to work while she looks after the twins, it's Rinne seeing her off with a smile and a kiss and when Ai steps out of the door she calls back over her shoulder to Aqua and Ruby -
"Be good for your papa, okay?"
Could she really have something that lovely? Does Rinne even want it?
Is she even allowed to ask? ]
... I would. I really, really would. But I-
[ Her throat is tight. She swallows, so she can try and get some of the words loose enough to speak.
Rinne accepts her as she is. He'd promised he would. But even now, the idea of putting her heart into his hands only for it to be crushed, even though she doesn't want to think for a second that he would, not on purpose...
It's terrifying. ]
... Rinne-kun. When you talk about family... I want that too. But it wouldn't just be me and you.
[ Deep breath. She feels dizzy. She feels sick. She's wanted to say this to someone for so, so long so why is it so damn hard? ]
Being with me means... being with Aqua and Ruby, too.
[ Rinne's lips part, his eyes showing only the slightest hint of surprise. It's not like he didn't know. It's something he thinks about sometimes. How would Ai's children react if they knew their mother was seeing someone new? How would it make them feel? If they hated him, he thinks he could take it. He knew what it was like to feel unwelcome in his own home. He still remembers the cold bite of winter as he walked past households looking at him as if he were some sort of monster. For Ai, he was ready to live like that.
But he knows Ai won't let him. ]
I figured that was the case.
[ Rinne tucks a lock of her violet hair behind her ear and gently with his knuckles, he caresses her cheek. She must have been so nervous. He can still see it in the way she breathes, the way she blinks at her own reflection as if it's hard to look at. But Rinne is patient. He soothes her shoulder. His smile is fond. ]
You three looked so happy in that picture. You wanted to tell me back then, didn't you?
It's hard raising kids on your own, especially when you're not allowed to tell them how you feel. Ever since my mother died, I couldn't—
[ For a second, Ai's expression mirrors his own. Lips parted, eyes widened and all that light in her eyes softened and tempered by surprise. It's the look of someone being faced with the realization that sometimes, the world might be just a little bit kinder than she'd first expected.
Of course he knew. Rinne's not stupid and she'd been all but begging him to figure it out by putting the incriminating evidence in his hands. In fact, now she thinks about it... that had probably been the point all along, hadn't it? She'd wanted him to figure it out and ask so Ai didn't have to be the one to tell him. Because if she'd trusted him enough to tell him and he'd reacted any other way... ]
... Mm. I'd wanted to tell... anybody, really. For a really long time. Since I knew I was even having them to begin with. But I especially wanted you to know.
[ Everything feels so quiet and still, suddenly. Rinne's gentle voice, his careful touch, his hand in hers... the moment feels so delicate and fragile that she's scared of doing or saying the wrong thing in case it splits open and breaks.
But it's okay. If she's with Rinne, then...
She swallows again and squeezes his hand, tight. Then, at last, she pulls in one more shaky breath and manages to drag her eyes up to meet his. Even in a moment like this - or maybe because it's a moment like this - she's struck so strongly and suddenly by the thought of just how lovely his eyes are. ]
[Ai's starry eyes are so sincere, they make Rinne want to fall apart. When he's alone with his idol who loves him more than life itself, he wants nothing more than to sink into the comfort of her arms like how he does in his dreams, her embrace warm and inviting. But he doesn't—can't. Not when she needs him now. Not when he has a family to protect.
Rinne chuckles, his voice soft and fond.]
You trust me that much, huh? I appreciate it. I really, really do. I mean, lying's tough. Keepin' secrets is tough. You're so hard to read, it drives me crazy. But we're friends, Ai. When you got friends like me, you don't gotta carry these things yourself, y'know?
[He presses her knuckles to his lips, which tug into a playful smirk.]
We're more than just friends now, though. I'll say it again: let me lighten the load for ya, Ai. Let's get married.
[ It's not the first time Ai's heard those words. Behind confessions of love, it's the thing gachikoi groups like B-Komachi hear more than anything else from fans. That sort of devotion is exactly what they're supposed to inspire, but Ai isn't naive enough to think that any of them ever really mean it.
That boy had said it too and maybe he'd meant it - but he hadn't understood it. And that was fine - Ai certainly hadn't understood what marriage was supposed to be back then either. But she was certain that it wasn't anything like the way he'd wanted it, a world comprised of only two people with just enough space to lick each others' wounds. There was no place in a world like that for the babies in her belly and so she'd rejected him, blithely and without a thought.
She had said yes to Rinne in much the same way - thoughtlessly, too overwhelmed by stirred up sensation and feelings to even try thinking about it. And maybe that had been fine for the way Rinne had asked her then, but when he asks her like this, so achingly sincere it makes her chest clench, asking it when he means it, when he knows full well what he's asking and who he's asking, that she's dirty and timid, irresponsible and impure...
Ah. she thinks to herself as she holds his gaze. I really do love him so much.
Her hand doesn't leave his and it's such an awkward position but she absolutely can't help herself. Ai leans in and, with her free arm wrapped around him, hugs him. Tight. ]
I want that. So much that it's scaring me... but the idea of not having it scares me even more. [ From this angle, he won't be able to see her face... but the way her voice wavers and hitches can't be mistaken for anything but tears. ] So let's do it. Whenever anything's hurting, whenever anything's too heavy to carry on your own, let's carry it together. Let's be a family, Rinne-kun.
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no subject
Rinne wouldn't mind, right? This is the sort of thing married couples are supposed to do. ... She thinks. Not that they're close to counting as one of those just yet. ]
You did promise to spoil me. So I'm just taking you up on that.
[ Teasing as her words are, her voice is warm, lazy and pleased as well. ]
Since I'm so nice, I might let you do it for me next time, too. If you really want.
no subject
[But the way he says it is giddy and gentle, not at all like the man who flirted with her at every turn.]
Would you really like that? Living together forever with me?
no subject
That's what marriage is supposed to be like, right? It's a way of saying you want to be with someone forever. But the idea of being together had been a little vague in her brain and it's only when Rinne says living together that it solidifies a bit into something tangible. Something she can actually imagine.
Living together means waking up in the morning and having breakfast together. It means talking about your plans when you kiss goodbye at the door then meeting back at the table later to talk about your day. It means - the way Rinne talks about it - being family.
She's only started to understand what that means over the last few years. She'd never had one until she went and made her own, after all. To her, it's a word that means her, Aqua and Ruby - and she's surprised to realize just how easy is it to imagine Rinne slotting into that space, too. She remembers that selfish little daydream she'd had of bringing Ruby and Aqua to meet him, privately playacting like they were on a family outing but now she lets herself sketch out something a little different. Instead of Miyako sending her off to work while she looks after the twins, it's Rinne seeing her off with a smile and a kiss and when Ai steps out of the door she calls back over her shoulder to Aqua and Ruby -
"Be good for your papa, okay?"
Could she really have something that lovely? Does Rinne even want it?
Is she even allowed to ask? ]
... I would. I really, really would. But I-
[ Her throat is tight. She swallows, so she can try and get some of the words loose enough to speak.
Rinne accepts her as she is. He'd promised he would. But even now, the idea of putting her heart into his hands only for it to be crushed, even though she doesn't want to think for a second that he would, not on purpose...
It's terrifying. ]
... Rinne-kun. When you talk about family... I want that too. But it wouldn't just be me and you.
[ Deep breath. She feels dizzy. She feels sick. She's wanted to say this to someone for so, so long so why is it so damn hard? ]
Being with me means... being with Aqua and Ruby, too.
slams into this
But he knows Ai won't let him. ]
I figured that was the case.
[ Rinne tucks a lock of her violet hair behind her ear and gently with his knuckles, he caresses her cheek. She must have been so nervous. He can still see it in the way she breathes, the way she blinks at her own reflection as if it's hard to look at. But Rinne is patient. He soothes her shoulder. His smile is fond. ]
You three looked so happy in that picture. You wanted to tell me back then, didn't you?
It's hard raising kids on your own, especially when you're not allowed to tell them how you feel. Ever since my mother died, I couldn't—
[ No. This isn't about him.
He takes her by the hand and gets on his knees. ]
Ai. Look at me?
no subject
Of course he knew. Rinne's not stupid and she'd been all but begging him to figure it out by putting the incriminating evidence in his hands. In fact, now she thinks about it... that had probably been the point all along, hadn't it? She'd wanted him to figure it out and ask so Ai didn't have to be the one to tell him. Because if she'd trusted him enough to tell him and he'd reacted any other way... ]
... Mm. I'd wanted to tell... anybody, really. For a really long time. Since I knew I was even having them to begin with. But I especially wanted you to know.
[ Everything feels so quiet and still, suddenly. Rinne's gentle voice, his careful touch, his hand in hers... the moment feels so delicate and fragile that she's scared of doing or saying the wrong thing in case it splits open and breaks.
But it's okay. If she's with Rinne, then...
She swallows again and squeezes his hand, tight. Then, at last, she pulls in one more shaky breath and manages to drag her eyes up to meet his. Even in a moment like this - or maybe because it's a moment like this - she's struck so strongly and suddenly by the thought of just how lovely his eyes are. ]
no subject
Rinne chuckles, his voice soft and fond.]
You trust me that much, huh? I appreciate it. I really, really do. I mean, lying's tough. Keepin' secrets is tough. You're so hard to read, it drives me crazy. But we're friends, Ai. When you got friends like me, you don't gotta carry these things yourself, y'know?
[He presses her knuckles to his lips, which tug into a playful smirk.]
We're more than just friends now, though. I'll say it again: let me lighten the load for ya, Ai. Let's get married.
no subject
That boy had said it too and maybe he'd meant it - but he hadn't understood it. And that was fine - Ai certainly hadn't understood what marriage was supposed to be back then either. But she was certain that it wasn't anything like the way he'd wanted it, a world comprised of only two people with just enough space to lick each others' wounds. There was no place in a world like that for the babies in her belly and so she'd rejected him, blithely and without a thought.
She had said yes to Rinne in much the same way - thoughtlessly, too overwhelmed by stirred up sensation and feelings to even try thinking about it. And maybe that had been fine for the way Rinne had asked her then, but when he asks her like this, so achingly sincere it makes her chest clench, asking it when he means it, when he knows full well what he's asking and who he's asking, that she's dirty and timid, irresponsible and impure...
Ah. she thinks to herself as she holds his gaze. I really do love him so much.
Her hand doesn't leave his and it's such an awkward position but she absolutely can't help herself. Ai leans in and, with her free arm wrapped around him, hugs him. Tight. ]
I want that. So much that it's scaring me... but the idea of not having it scares me even more. [ From this angle, he won't be able to see her face... but the way her voice wavers and hitches can't be mistaken for anything but tears. ] So let's do it. Whenever anything's hurting, whenever anything's too heavy to carry on your own, let's carry it together. Let's be a family, Rinne-kun.