[ That's all. He makes it sound so easy. And maybe it is, in some ways - so long as they don't pick any fights before he's back to full strength then everything should work out fine.
But that's not exactly what Ai's concerned about. Maybe she could spend another week wasting days out of the apartment just so she doesn't have to look him in the face and honestly, she's tempted. But even if she puts this off until the mark on her mouth fades, it's not like she can just erase what they did.
The hand bearing the final stroke of her Command Seal curls into a fist, clutching the front of her shirt. ]
... I don't want you to disappear. [ Truth. ] But I... I don't know what to do.
[ Lie.
... Almost a lie, anyway. She knows. The part she can't handle is everything else that comes with it. ]
[ ...god, it's like she was made to torment him. How the hell is he supposed to react to hearing that... or rather, seeing that. He already knew that she doesn't want him to disappear, that's why they ended up doing that just last night.
Now here she is, knowing what they have to do to really fix this, and bringing it up even though she can't even handle what will come with it. ]
...don't.
[ He sits up, resting his chin on his hands and looking away. ]
Don't even consider it, not for me. I'd rather just disappear.
[ Lie. Of course it's a lie. Everything he says is a lie. Yet despite that, in some... inexplicable way, he also means it. Of course he doesn't want to disappear, but to go that far...
She shouldn't. This is all just a mistake, a mistake that Oberon's allowed to spiral out of control. They're compatible, but that's the problem, isn't it? What more could you expect from two liars? ]
[ Her expression wavers for a moment before settling on - whatever it is, it's a little too complicated to pick any one thing out of it but the hurt is easy to see.
She knows it's not that straightforward, not when Oberon says it, but the words sting even so. The person who's supposed to be here protecting her would rather vanish.
It shouldn't be a surprise. She's a troublesome Master and an even worse person. And it's not like he chose to come here and save her.
A humourless laugh jitters out of her and even to the naked eye, you can't call the smile on her face anything but a lie. ]
Aah, I guess that makes sense. I'm an idol, after all. [ "I'm so much trouble, after all." ] And I'm already causing you enough trouble as it is.
[ "I'm already dirty as it is." ]
Maybe there's... something else we can figure out. I'm just not sure what.
[ His eyes go wide... with what, exactly, is unclear. Rage? Panic? Pain? ]
Shut up!! Stop saying that!!
[ He's suddenly on his feet, and in another instant, in front of her with his hands gripping her arms. ]
Only I get to say those things.
[ Because if it's him saying it, then it must be a lie. It couldn't be clearer by the way his eyes glare into hers, the way they yet again pierce through her every protection, that he's responding to the "truth" behind her words, rather than what she actually said.
The "truth", huh? Those words are even less deserving of the truth than his words are. ]
[ For a second, that prey animal panic returns to her eyes, the fear of a tiny, trembling creature of the verge of being eaten alive. She's tense under his touch and though she manages to hold his gaze for admirably long, her eyes finally drop from his and look down and away.
She really can't bear having him see her right now. ]
Sorry. [ Her smile turns thin and brittle. ] But it's all true, isn't it?
[ She's a handful. She's an idol. She's an underwhelming Master. She's an intolerably, unforgivably filthy human. ]
I know how things are supposed to go here. Somebody's supposed to win and get their wish, right? Anything they want. But I...
[ Her fragile smile cracks open and when she looks back up at him, her expression can really only be called wounded. ]
It's not like I was ever going to win. I just wanted to stay here a little longer. That's all.
[ God. He really is the worst Servant for her, isn't he? He can't tell her it's not true, that it's all a lie. All he can do is return her lies with more lies... and frighten her.
His hands continue to grip her tight. ]
Don't...
[ All he can do is tell her to stop saying those things. ]
Don't say...
[ He's gripping her tight, but... not enough to hurt anymore. In fact, his hands are trembling. ]
Don't you dare say that, damn it! You daft, greedy idol!
[ He knows what your wish is. How dare you give up on it. ]
[ Her smile wobbles and then pulls into a hard line. That's a new look for Ai's face, especially when looking at him. Resignation, the sting of a tender bruise and bitter, bitter frustration. ]
What good has being greedy ever done me?!
[ It's the only reason she's here, after all.
Her precious treasures, her beautiful children - Ai won't ever call them as mistake. For as many others as she's made in her life, having Aqua and Ruby might just be the one thing she can ever say she'd gotten right.
But she'd gotten too greedy. She'd wanted both when she didn't deserve to have either. Was it really such a shock that she'd ended up paying for it? ]
Of course I want to go back. Of course I want to fix things, but - is that ever really going to happen? Of course it isn't. So why should I keep pretending I can have it?
[ Her voice is shaking. Her eyes sting with the promise of tears and for a second, her inability to keep her composure makes her hate herself enough to be sick. ]
[ He yells it out, unable to contain it any longer. He saw the way she died, the way she thought only of her children in her final moments, the way she died with her son still in her eyes.
He pulls her in, closer than she already was, and glares at her with pained eyes. ]
You're human, so act like it...! Be greedy, be selfish, pursue your happiness above all else, and struggle on like the unsightly creatures you humans are!! Idol my ass! Tell all of them that it's your wish that should be granted!!
You think I haven't tried?! My whole life, I've done my best, I've worked hard, I've lied with everything I had and I've never ever gotten any of it right! So how-
[ Tears break from her eyes and stream down her cheeks, an overflowing of immense frustration with nowhere else to go. Even having felt them coming, they catch her off guard and she furiously scrubs her sleeve off her eyes to try and wipe them away.
When she lowers her arm, she seems... disarmed, somehow. As though that pause for breath had given her the time to regain some control over herself.
She doesn't meet his eyes. ]
. . . Right. It must sound easy to someone like you.
[ "- something like you."
It isn't cruel or dismissive - just an acknowledgement of the gulf of difference between them. It's just as he'd said - she's human. And Oberon is...
What is he? A Servant, sure. That's already one step removed. But he talks sometimes like something very old and very tired - much more so than most of the other Servants scattered around the city.
That screaming, howling void in the sky...
Of course she would seem so unimaginably small and simple to a creature like that. ]
[ His hands tremble again. She doesn't know. She doesn't understand. She can never understand. She must NEVER be allowed to understand what he is.
... ]
...do you want to understand?
[ There's a low growl to his voice this time, and if she bothers to glance up at him again, he'll see that his glare is far more fierce than it was before, yet... paradoxically enough, calm.
Out of everything he's ever said before, the question he asks her now is the most important so far. ]
[ It takes a second for her eyes to flit up to his face. She looks... worn out. Burned down, like a match that's been allowed to scorch itself black. She doesn't understand the intensity of his expression or his voice. She doesn't understand why he holds onto her tight enough to leave bruises.
Stupid girl. When has she ever understood anything?
Her gaze drops and her face tips forward - her forehead presses into his shoulder and the hand she'd been gripping onto her shirt with catches the hem of his. ]
... I'm tired.
[ Of everything. Of fearing everything, resenting everything. Of wanting distance and abhorring it all the same. Needing to be held while desperately wanting him not to be kind to her.
[ His grip on her arms loosens, and a single arm wraps around to pull her in... ]
Sleep.
[ ...while the other hand gently rests on the top of her head, and in that instant, everything will go dark.
Dark, dark, dark...
She'll find herself falling, falling, falling...
...but fortunately for her, she's not falling endlessly. There's a destination, a place where she'll land. The faint sound of voices passing her by as she falls.
"Think you can forgive me just this once, especially after all we've been through together? In fact, tell you what. I apologize for everything I just said. If you'd rather, we can just forget this whole thing happened."
"Huh? U-uh, okay. Wait... huh? I don't understand, Master. It... it seemed like Oberon was being commpletely sincere just now..."
"...Stop messing with Mash."
"Why, whatever do you mean?"
"I mean, you're Oberon the Liar."
"So you DO get it. I'm so glad to hear that, Fujimaru. You're right, I'm a liar. I never told you guys the truth. Not once!"
Falling... falling... falling... until she begins to approach her destination. ]
[ It's frightening at first. But then, of course it would be for a girl like her, frightened of just about everything. But the fear passes just as quick as it surfaces. It's dark, but a quiet, soothing sort of darkness. The sort that settles behind your eyes during a long, restful sleep. How long is it exactly since Ai's had one of those?
She doesn't know any of those voices - not the ones that aren't his, anyway. Even so, they sound familiar and she wonders if it's because the confusion, the disappointment and the frustration is just the same as what she's heard her whole life.
He's not the only one who lies, after all.
She's here to be shown something, right? She's here to understand, if she can. The prospect makes her skin prickle with anxiety. She can hardly understand other people at the best of times. How is a girl like her supposed to make any sense of him?
But she's here because she wanted to try. So she has to at least... try. ]
[ She continues falling, as if allowing her a few more moments in that peaceful darkness, broken only by the faint sounds of unfamiliar voices... until finally, abruptly, without even a landing... she's there.
Deep in within the woods, in a place far removed from anything she's seen in her life, even here in this strange Grail War... ]
When I was born, I couldn't even breathe.
Not so much as a single toe was truly alive.
[ For a second, what she sees can only be considered a beautiful sight. Laid on the ground amidst a beautiful forest was a pitiful, yet beautiful body. Basked in the morning sun's rays, surrounded by faeries. Faeries who had been bullied, persecuted, and had nowhere else to go. Faeries who believed, upon his appearance, to be that of their king. ]
KRSSTCH
[ An abrupt sound of static, and that image changed. ]
I was a rotten mass of fluid inside a chrysalis.
[ A body, thin and bony, more like a corpse than anything else... surrounded by insects that crawled and wriggled all over him. His body unmoving... no, incapable of movement. Incapable of breath. Incapable of even closing his eyes.
Information is given to her, as if it were being narrated to the audience of a play. He was born from Britain's death throes. A self-destruct device designed to destroy and take everything down with it. The embodiment of the island's own wishes... ]
KRSSTCH
[ ...taking the form of the perfect fairy-tale king, born in the perfect fairy-tale forest. The Fairy King as depicted by a famous, talented, mean-spirited author. For as long as they're born from people's desires, it doesn't matter whether the original is real or fake.
But in reality, this "Oberon" pretending to be a king was a creature composed entirely of lies.
Everything he says is untrue thanks to the underlying premise that it was all just part of a single night's revelry. A Midsummer Night's Dream, so to speak. ]
Wow, this is amazing. Everything I say or do ultimately becomes twisted.
[ "I love you" becomes "I don't love you". "I don't love you" becomes "I don't even care about you."
It's not so simple as everything becoming the opposite of what he says. No, it goes further than that. His words are simply undeserving of the truth... therefore, whatever he says must be a lie. A twisted existence, more trouble than it's worth. ]
[ The cool grass of the forest crunches softly under her bare feet. She knows without knowing, without even having to look, how she must be dressed; that white dress, that charcoal black sweater. Why would she look any other way in here? For all the time that has passed and all that's happened, Ai has never really left that hallway.
It's like being the unwilling participant of some miserable tragedy. A play nobody wants to perform in but find themselves trapped on stage anyway. Skittering bugs, the wet and rotting fluid of an insect's metamorphosis. Something moulded into the form of a human and forced to play pretend. A living corpse, fooling everyone into thinking its heart was ever even beating.
... Oh.
Oh, but of course- ]
Aah... Ahaha...!
[ She'd wondered from the start just what it had been that'd drawn them together. They were both liars, of course, but surely there was more to it than that. He was so powerful and so bitterly cold, unlike Ai in just about every way he could be... But she's been wrong all this time, hasn't she?
They're the same. Of course they're the same.
What is she herself if not a corpse pretending it's still living?
Something inside of her breaks. Laughter spills out of her mouth. But even as she raises her hands to her face, her voice shudders to pieces and the noise that had come out of her as laughing turns to horrible, heaving sobs instead.
She doesn't know how long it lasts. Standing in that nonexistent wood, she cries bitter, open mouthed tears for - she doesn't know what. An ancient creature born hating itself to death. A country screaming for mercy, for suicide. A priestess reduced to a slaughter animal, two girls hated and rejected by the land they were sent to grant salvation.
Maybe for the first time, she cries for herself. For the mother bleeding out in her own home and the two children whose lives will carry the reek of her corpse forever. ]
Oberon... Oberon, I...
[ Her voice comes out in gasping, desperate breaths. ]
Me too... ahaha... All this time... I've been dead all this time too.
[ There's a reason he didn't want to do this. Didn't want her to understand. Yet that irrational part in him that she dragged to the surface let her anyway.
As she says those words, that she's been dead all this time, he appears next to her with the sound of crunching leaves. ]
...
[ It's truly no wonder he was summoned by her. No wonder why he had no choice but to answer her call.
He puts his hand around Ai's shoulder and pulls her in, wordless for now. ]
[ And at last, Ai doesn't resist. Even if she'd wanted to, she doesn't have the strength. The least dregs of her restraint had flowed out with her tears and all she can do is throw her arms around him and let herself cry into his chest.
She's shocked to feel there are any tears still left in her. Surely they should have run dry but - now that she's started, she doesn't quite know how to stop. ]
Don't disappear. [ Now more than ever, through her tears, it's an utterly desperate plea. It's more true than it's ever been. ] Please, don't go. I'm- I'm irresponsible and I'm dirty, I'm hopeless as a Master. I'm no good as a person. I know all that, but I...
[ Her wish. Her precious treasures. The one thing a corpse like her can never get back. ]
[ Well, it's a dream, after all. Where else will Ai be able to cry as much as she needs to... then here? His arms wrap around her and hold her tight, letting her cry into his chest so that she can't see the pained expression on his face.
Yet again, he's allowed this to spiral out of control. He's forced her to see the gruesome parts of himself, his gruesome origins, the truth of why he—a Pretender—was summoned by her. Her tears... they are the product of her mask finally coming apart, yet... hurting her like this brings him no joy.
"This is the end, right? What's the harm in being honest with me about how you feel now?"
"Are you kidding me!? You really are an idiot, aren't you? Even I'm not this bad. I've met insects with better memories than you."
"Hey, you're the one who said you're a liar, right?"
"..."
Damn it, to be thinking of that at a time like this... he can already picture the infuriating smile that would be on that girl's face if she were to see him now. ]
...I won't.
[ He holds her tight, one hand on her back, the other on the back of her head. ]
I won't disappear... I...
[ His words catch in his throat, as if the feeling of the truth in his mouth feels wrong, but he presses on. ]
I won't let that be your truth... [ He won't let her be like him. ] I will grant your wish, no matter what...
[ He won't let anyone else do it. He will grant her wish, no matter what. He won't let her remain like him, he won't let that be true. ]
[ A huge shudder wracks her whole body. Impossibly, her arms draw even tighter around him. Her legs feel weak - if he wasn't holding her, she's certain she wouldn't still be standing.
She's selfish. She's greedy and shortsighted. She's always known that. But it's because she's all those things, desperately clawing to try and find some semblance of happiness, that she's wanted someone to say those words to her all this time. That it's okay. That her wish, the thing she wants more than anything - she can have it. They'll do it for her.
Her tears haven't stopped flowing, running rivers down her cheeks and flooding her throat. But instead of despair or sorrow, they've taken on the hue of something brighter and cleaner, different in tone but just as all-encompassing and intense.
When her voice finally surfaces again, it's with the gasping cadence of a drowning woman. ]
I don't need anything else. I don't. I just want to go back. I want to see them grow up and know who'll they'll be and I-
[ Another shudder. ]
I don't need you to say anything else but... will you promise me that I can? Even if it's not true? ... Can you promise that you won't hate me?
[ He's silent at first, but then he rests his chin on her head, now as close as he can possibly be. ]
...I can only say it once, so listen up.
[ He grips her tight, refusing to let her go. ]
I promise... you can go back. I promise I will never hate you...
[ His words catch in his throat again, his honesty still feeling wrong on his tongue, even in a dream... but... ]
...even if the world itself should dare to say otherwise, I will refuse... I will destroy anything that dares to say you can't.
[ For that is what he is, after all. A world destroyer, a destiny of destruction incarnate... dedicated to a single girl, a mother who simply wants to see her children grow up. ]
[ A pause. A wet, shuddering breath to try and get her tears under control. And finally; ]
. . . Okay. [ Again, as her fingers curl into his cloak. ] Okay.
[ She'd be more of a liar than she always is if she tried to say she wasn't scared. Giving up is easy. Giving up means you can't be disappointed. If he promises he can do this for her, then that means she has to hope again - and that hope could just as easily come crashing back down. She doesn't know what she'd do if it did.
Maybe it's because neither of them can lie here. But somehow... just this once, Ai wants to believe him. ]
[ The truth can be such a pain, Oberon thinks. He's spoken his conviction, his resolve... but now he has to ensure that his words become the truth, ensure that they don't become a lie. He can't die, he can't disappear, not until her wish has been granted.
The world around them begins to fade, the wind picking up as the bright pink sky fades to black around them. The ground vanishes, and Ai starts to fall again...
...but this time, she falls with his arms still around her, holding her close as the curtain falls around them, fading into that same comforting darkness.
As they do...
"What is it you want, Oberon?"
"...I'm looking for Titania. Remember? Oberon's queen from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? Titania, the Faerie Queen. The only one who could ever love the obstinate Oberon. I'm hoping to see her, if I can. Though of course... I know that's impossible. Titania's a fictional character, she doesn't exist in Proper Human History. She can only ever exist within the confines of a story."
Perhaps it's just a leakage, memories and words leaking out as the dream comes to an end, but...
"Everything I say is a lie. You shouldn't believe any of it. Peace in Britain... Artoria's mission... I didn't care about any of it."
"I'm sure you didn't, but even so... what about your own star, Titania?"
"...That is exactly what I hate about you."
Titania. His queen... and yet he has no queen, for Titania doesn't exist. Yet still he searches, for he can't help but search... for the one who can love even the twisted Oberon.
And that's the last thing she hears before waking up... her head on Oberon's lap, having cried just as much in reality as she did in the dream. ]
[ When her eyes open, Ai feels entirely different. She feels no different at all. She feels worn down to the bone and well rested all at once. Her eyelashes are still wet with tears and she has the brief, foolish thought of how strange it is that the tears she cried in a dream would have soaked her face in reality as well.
She stays where she is for a long, quiet moment, her head still spinning and her heart still lodged in her throat. It really does seem too good and too awful to be true all at once and she can't quite make herself believe she'd seen or heard any of it.
Me too. I've been dead all this time too.
What a miserable tragedy. It even moved a corpse to tears.
Finally, slowly, Ai sits up. As she rights herself on the sofa, a few remaining tears break free and make their way down her face but she dries them with a swipe of her sleeve over her eyes. ]
... You're horrible, you know. Horrible. Making a girl cry like this.
[ It's a joke to try and break the tension, even if she can practically feel how flat it falls. Even after all that - or maybe especially after all that - she can't quite bring herself to meet his gaze just yet.
She wonders just what sort of face she'd made as she cried. ]
[ It falls so flat. In fact, it's so bad, that Oberon can't help but let out a dry laugh in response. ]
Hah... well, if you expected anything else from me, then that's a damn shame.
[ Part of him still wonders if he made a mistake, if he yet again let his emotions get the better of him and do something even though he knew he shouldn't.
Why had he done it? Was it because of what she said? "Right. It must sound easy to someone like you"? Well, of course it sounds easy to him. Compared to him, who lives with a curse rooted at the very premise of his existence, a fundamental "rule" that everything Obeorn the Faerie King says is something that was never worth believing...
Was that really all it took to get him to finally make her understand? Even if it required her to see the grim nature of his birth? Understand exactly why it was him that she summoned instead of anybody else?
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no subject
But that's not exactly what Ai's concerned about. Maybe she could spend another week wasting days out of the apartment just so she doesn't have to look him in the face and honestly, she's tempted. But even if she puts this off until the mark on her mouth fades, it's not like she can just erase what they did.
The hand bearing the final stroke of her Command Seal curls into a fist, clutching the front of her shirt. ]
... I don't want you to disappear. [ Truth. ] But I... I don't know what to do.
[ Lie.
... Almost a lie, anyway. She knows. The part she can't handle is everything else that comes with it. ]
Everything's turned into such a mess.
no subject
Now here she is, knowing what they have to do to really fix this, and bringing it up even though she can't even handle what will come with it. ]
...don't.
[ He sits up, resting his chin on his hands and looking away. ]
Don't even consider it, not for me. I'd rather just disappear.
[ Lie. Of course it's a lie. Everything he says is a lie. Yet despite that, in some... inexplicable way, he also means it. Of course he doesn't want to disappear, but to go that far...
She shouldn't. This is all just a mistake, a mistake that Oberon's allowed to spiral out of control. They're compatible, but that's the problem, isn't it? What more could you expect from two liars? ]
no subject
She knows it's not that straightforward, not when Oberon says it, but the words sting even so. The person who's supposed to be here protecting her would rather vanish.
It shouldn't be a surprise. She's a troublesome Master and an even worse person. And it's not like he chose to come here and save her.
A humourless laugh jitters out of her and even to the naked eye, you can't call the smile on her face anything but a lie. ]
Aah, I guess that makes sense. I'm an idol, after all. [ "I'm so much trouble, after all." ] And I'm already causing you enough trouble as it is.
[ "I'm already dirty as it is." ]
Maybe there's... something else we can figure out. I'm just not sure what.
no subject
Shut up!! Stop saying that!!
[ He's suddenly on his feet, and in another instant, in front of her with his hands gripping her arms. ]
Only I get to say those things.
[ Because if it's him saying it, then it must be a lie. It couldn't be clearer by the way his eyes glare into hers, the way they yet again pierce through her every protection, that he's responding to the "truth" behind her words, rather than what she actually said.
The "truth", huh? Those words are even less deserving of the truth than his words are. ]
no subject
[ For a second, that prey animal panic returns to her eyes, the fear of a tiny, trembling creature of the verge of being eaten alive. She's tense under his touch and though she manages to hold his gaze for admirably long, her eyes finally drop from his and look down and away.
She really can't bear having him see her right now. ]
Sorry. [ Her smile turns thin and brittle. ] But it's all true, isn't it?
[ She's a handful. She's an idol. She's an underwhelming Master. She's an intolerably, unforgivably filthy human. ]
I know how things are supposed to go here. Somebody's supposed to win and get their wish, right? Anything they want. But I...
[ Her fragile smile cracks open and when she looks back up at him, her expression can really only be called wounded. ]
It's not like I was ever going to win. I just wanted to stay here a little longer. That's all.
no subject
His hands continue to grip her tight. ]
Don't...
[ All he can do is tell her to stop saying those things. ]
Don't say...
[ He's gripping her tight, but... not enough to hurt anymore. In fact, his hands are trembling. ]
Don't you dare say that, damn it! You daft, greedy idol!
[ He knows what your wish is. How dare you give up on it. ]
no subject
What good has being greedy ever done me?!
[ It's the only reason she's here, after all.
Her precious treasures, her beautiful children - Ai won't ever call them as mistake. For as many others as she's made in her life, having Aqua and Ruby might just be the one thing she can ever say she'd gotten right.
But she'd gotten too greedy. She'd wanted both when she didn't deserve to have either. Was it really such a shock that she'd ended up paying for it? ]
Of course I want to go back. Of course I want to fix things, but - is that ever really going to happen? Of course it isn't. So why should I keep pretending I can have it?
[ Her voice is shaking. Her eyes sting with the promise of tears and for a second, her inability to keep her composure makes her hate herself enough to be sick. ]
no subject
[ He yells it out, unable to contain it any longer. He saw the way she died, the way she thought only of her children in her final moments, the way she died with her son still in her eyes.
He pulls her in, closer than she already was, and glares at her with pained eyes. ]
You're human, so act like it...! Be greedy, be selfish, pursue your happiness above all else, and struggle on like the unsightly creatures you humans are!! Idol my ass! Tell all of them that it's your wish that should be granted!!
no subject
[ Tears break from her eyes and stream down her cheeks, an overflowing of immense frustration with nowhere else to go. Even having felt them coming, they catch her off guard and she furiously scrubs her sleeve off her eyes to try and wipe them away.
When she lowers her arm, she seems... disarmed, somehow. As though that pause for breath had given her the time to regain some control over herself.
She doesn't meet his eyes. ]
. . . Right. It must sound easy to someone like you.
[ "- something like you."
It isn't cruel or dismissive - just an acknowledgement of the gulf of difference between them. It's just as he'd said - she's human. And Oberon is...
What is he? A Servant, sure. That's already one step removed. But he talks sometimes like something very old and very tired - much more so than most of the other Servants scattered around the city.
That screaming, howling void in the sky...
Of course she would seem so unimaginably small and simple to a creature like that. ]
no subject
[ His hands tremble again. She doesn't know. She doesn't understand. She can never understand. She must NEVER be allowed to understand what he is.
... ]
...do you want to understand?
[ There's a low growl to his voice this time, and if she bothers to glance up at him again, he'll see that his glare is far more fierce than it was before, yet... paradoxically enough, calm.
Out of everything he's ever said before, the question he asks her now is the most important so far. ]
no subject
Stupid girl. When has she ever understood anything?
Her gaze drops and her face tips forward - her forehead presses into his shoulder and the hand she'd been gripping onto her shirt with catches the hem of his. ]
... I'm tired.
[ Of everything. Of fearing everything, resenting everything. Of wanting distance and abhorring it all the same. Needing to be held while desperately wanting him not to be kind to her.
She's tired of not understanding anything. ]
no subject
[ His grip on her arms loosens, and a single arm wraps around to pull her in... ]
Sleep.
[ ...while the other hand gently rests on the top of her head, and in that instant, everything will go dark.
Dark, dark, dark...
She'll find herself falling, falling, falling...
...but fortunately for her, she's not falling endlessly. There's a destination, a place where she'll land. The faint sound of voices passing her by as she falls.
"Think you can forgive me just this once, especially after all we've been through together? In fact, tell you what. I apologize for everything I just said. If you'd rather, we can just forget this whole thing happened."
"Huh? U-uh, okay. Wait... huh? I don't understand, Master. It... it seemed like Oberon was being commpletely sincere just now..."
"...Stop messing with Mash."
"Why, whatever do you mean?"
"I mean, you're Oberon the Liar."
"So you DO get it. I'm so glad to hear that, Fujimaru. You're right, I'm a liar. I never told you guys the truth. Not once!"
Falling... falling... falling... until she begins to approach her destination. ]
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She doesn't know any of those voices - not the ones that aren't his, anyway. Even so, they sound familiar and she wonders if it's because the confusion, the disappointment and the frustration is just the same as what she's heard her whole life.
He's not the only one who lies, after all.
She's here to be shown something, right? She's here to understand, if she can. The prospect makes her skin prickle with anxiety. She can hardly understand other people at the best of times. How is a girl like her supposed to make any sense of him?
But she's here because she wanted to try. So she has to at least... try. ]
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Deep in within the woods, in a place far removed from anything she's seen in her life, even here in this strange Grail War... ]
When I was born, I couldn't even breathe.
Not so much as a single toe was truly alive.
[ For a second, what she sees can only be considered a beautiful sight. Laid on the ground amidst a beautiful forest was a pitiful, yet beautiful body. Basked in the morning sun's rays, surrounded by faeries. Faeries who had been bullied, persecuted, and had nowhere else to go. Faeries who believed, upon his appearance, to be that of their king. ]
KRSSTCH
[ An abrupt sound of static, and that image changed. ]
I was a rotten mass of fluid inside a chrysalis.
[ A body, thin and bony, more like a corpse than anything else... surrounded by insects that crawled and wriggled all over him. His body unmoving... no, incapable of movement. Incapable of breath. Incapable of even closing his eyes.
Information is given to her, as if it were being narrated to the audience of a play. He was born from Britain's death throes. A self-destruct device designed to destroy and take everything down with it. The embodiment of the island's own wishes... ]
KRSSTCH
[ ...taking the form of the perfect fairy-tale king, born in the perfect fairy-tale forest. The Fairy King as depicted by a famous, talented, mean-spirited author. For as long as they're born from people's desires, it doesn't matter whether the original is real or fake.
But in reality, this "Oberon" pretending to be a king was a creature composed entirely of lies.
Everything he says is untrue thanks to the underlying premise that it was all just part of a single night's revelry. A Midsummer Night's Dream, so to speak. ]
Wow, this is amazing. Everything I say or do ultimately becomes twisted.
[ "I love you" becomes "I don't love you". "I don't love you" becomes "I don't even care about you."
It's not so simple as everything becoming the opposite of what he says. No, it goes further than that. His words are simply undeserving of the truth... therefore, whatever he says must be a lie. A twisted existence, more trouble than it's worth. ]
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It's like being the unwilling participant of some miserable tragedy. A play nobody wants to perform in but find themselves trapped on stage anyway. Skittering bugs, the wet and rotting fluid of an insect's metamorphosis. Something moulded into the form of a human and forced to play pretend. A living corpse, fooling everyone into thinking its heart was ever even beating.
... Oh.
Oh, but of course- ]
Aah... Ahaha...!
[ She'd wondered from the start just what it had been that'd drawn them together. They were both liars, of course, but surely there was more to it than that. He was so powerful and so bitterly cold, unlike Ai in just about every way he could be... But she's been wrong all this time, hasn't she?
They're the same. Of course they're the same.
What is she herself if not a corpse pretending it's still living?
Something inside of her breaks. Laughter spills out of her mouth. But even as she raises her hands to her face, her voice shudders to pieces and the noise that had come out of her as laughing turns to horrible, heaving sobs instead.
She doesn't know how long it lasts. Standing in that nonexistent wood, she cries bitter, open mouthed tears for - she doesn't know what. An ancient creature born hating itself to death. A country screaming for mercy, for suicide. A priestess reduced to a slaughter animal, two girls hated and rejected by the land they were sent to grant salvation.
Maybe for the first time, she cries for herself. For the mother bleeding out in her own home and the two children whose lives will carry the reek of her corpse forever. ]
Oberon... Oberon, I...
[ Her voice comes out in gasping, desperate breaths. ]
Me too... ahaha... All this time... I've been dead all this time too.
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As she says those words, that she's been dead all this time, he appears next to her with the sound of crunching leaves. ]
...
[ It's truly no wonder he was summoned by her. No wonder why he had no choice but to answer her call.
He puts his hand around Ai's shoulder and pulls her in, wordless for now. ]
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She's shocked to feel there are any tears still left in her. Surely they should have run dry but - now that she's started, she doesn't quite know how to stop. ]
Don't disappear. [ Now more than ever, through her tears, it's an utterly desperate plea. It's more true than it's ever been. ] Please, don't go. I'm- I'm irresponsible and I'm dirty, I'm hopeless as a Master. I'm no good as a person. I know all that, but I...
[ Her wish. Her precious treasures. The one thing a corpse like her can never get back. ]
Oberon... Please help me.
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Yet again, he's allowed this to spiral out of control. He's forced her to see the gruesome parts of himself, his gruesome origins, the truth of why he—a Pretender—was summoned by her. Her tears... they are the product of her mask finally coming apart, yet... hurting her like this brings him no joy.
"This is the end, right? What's the harm in being honest with me about how you feel now?"
"Are you kidding me!? You really are an idiot, aren't you? Even I'm not this bad. I've met insects with better memories than you."
"Hey, you're the one who said you're a liar, right?"
"..."
Damn it, to be thinking of that at a time like this... he can already picture the infuriating smile that would be on that girl's face if she were to see him now. ]
...I won't.
[ He holds her tight, one hand on her back, the other on the back of her head. ]
I won't disappear... I...
[ His words catch in his throat, as if the feeling of the truth in his mouth feels wrong, but he presses on. ]
I won't let that be your truth... [ He won't let her be like him. ] I will grant your wish, no matter what...
[ He won't let anyone else do it. He will grant her wish, no matter what. He won't let her remain like him, he won't let that be true. ]
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She's selfish. She's greedy and shortsighted. She's always known that. But it's because she's all those things, desperately clawing to try and find some semblance of happiness, that she's wanted someone to say those words to her all this time. That it's okay. That her wish, the thing she wants more than anything - she can have it. They'll do it for her.
Her tears haven't stopped flowing, running rivers down her cheeks and flooding her throat. But instead of despair or sorrow, they've taken on the hue of something brighter and cleaner, different in tone but just as all-encompassing and intense.
When her voice finally surfaces again, it's with the gasping cadence of a drowning woman. ]
I don't need anything else. I don't. I just want to go back. I want to see them grow up and know who'll they'll be and I-
[ Another shudder. ]
I don't need you to say anything else but... will you promise me that I can? Even if it's not true? ... Can you promise that you won't hate me?
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...I can only say it once, so listen up.
[ He grips her tight, refusing to let her go. ]
I promise... you can go back. I promise I will never hate you...
[ His words catch in his throat again, his honesty still feeling wrong on his tongue, even in a dream... but... ]
...even if the world itself should dare to say otherwise, I will refuse... I will destroy anything that dares to say you can't.
[ For that is what he is, after all. A world destroyer, a destiny of destruction incarnate... dedicated to a single girl, a mother who simply wants to see her children grow up. ]
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. . . Okay. [ Again, as her fingers curl into his cloak. ] Okay.
[ She'd be more of a liar than she always is if she tried to say she wasn't scared. Giving up is easy. Giving up means you can't be disappointed. If he promises he can do this for her, then that means she has to hope again - and that hope could just as easily come crashing back down. She doesn't know what she'd do if it did.
Maybe it's because neither of them can lie here. But somehow... just this once, Ai wants to believe him. ]
Then it's a promise.
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[ The truth can be such a pain, Oberon thinks. He's spoken his conviction, his resolve... but now he has to ensure that his words become the truth, ensure that they don't become a lie. He can't die, he can't disappear, not until her wish has been granted.
The world around them begins to fade, the wind picking up as the bright pink sky fades to black around them. The ground vanishes, and Ai starts to fall again...
...but this time, she falls with his arms still around her, holding her close as the curtain falls around them, fading into that same comforting darkness.
As they do...
"What is it you want, Oberon?"
"...I'm looking for Titania. Remember? Oberon's queen from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'? Titania, the Faerie Queen. The only one who could ever love the obstinate Oberon. I'm hoping to see her, if I can. Though of course... I know that's impossible. Titania's a fictional character, she doesn't exist in Proper Human History. She can only ever exist within the confines of a story."
Perhaps it's just a leakage, memories and words leaking out as the dream comes to an end, but...
"Everything I say is a lie. You shouldn't believe any of it. Peace in Britain... Artoria's mission... I didn't care about any of it."
"I'm sure you didn't, but even so... what about your own star, Titania?"
"...That is exactly what I hate about you."
Titania. His queen... and yet he has no queen, for Titania doesn't exist. Yet still he searches, for he can't help but search... for the one who can love even the twisted Oberon.
And that's the last thing she hears before waking up... her head on Oberon's lap, having cried just as much in reality as she did in the dream. ]
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She stays where she is for a long, quiet moment, her head still spinning and her heart still lodged in her throat. It really does seem too good and too awful to be true all at once and she can't quite make herself believe she'd seen or heard any of it.
Me too. I've been dead all this time too.
What a miserable tragedy. It even moved a corpse to tears.
Finally, slowly, Ai sits up. As she rights herself on the sofa, a few remaining tears break free and make their way down her face but she dries them with a swipe of her sleeve over her eyes. ]
... You're horrible, you know. Horrible. Making a girl cry like this.
[ It's a joke to try and break the tension, even if she can practically feel how flat it falls. Even after all that - or maybe especially after all that - she can't quite bring herself to meet his gaze just yet.
She wonders just what sort of face she'd made as she cried. ]
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Hah... well, if you expected anything else from me, then that's a damn shame.
[ Part of him still wonders if he made a mistake, if he yet again let his emotions get the better of him and do something even though he knew he shouldn't.
Why had he done it? Was it because of what she said? "Right. It must sound easy to someone like you"? Well, of course it sounds easy to him. Compared to him, who lives with a curse rooted at the very premise of his existence, a fundamental "rule" that everything Obeorn the Faerie King says is something that was never worth believing...
Was that really all it took to get him to finally make her understand? Even if it required her to see the grim nature of his birth? Understand exactly why it was him that she summoned instead of anybody else?
He's still not sure. ]
...I won't say those words again.
[ "You know why." ]
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[ Her mouth struggles to make the shape of a smile. It's a visible effort and it comes out worn and lopsided but somehow, it's not remotely a lie.
The movement makes the mark on her lip pull tight and she wonders - had it been there while she'd cried in that dream, too?
But she supposes it doesn't matter. ]
If you say so. ... You're just as bad as me, you know.
[ Somehow, it comes out sounding like a compliment. Not that she'd ever wish being like her on anybody else.
She rubs her face with her sleeves again - her eyes are sore and puffy, her cheeks still wet - and finally, she manages to look up at him.
No wonder she'd always felt like she was being flayed alive in his gaze. She's never hated anything more than meeting her eyes in a mirror. ]
Aah... This probably isn't what Nagiko-chan wanted when she told us to talk.
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