Fine, fine. Though really, I think you'll be disappointed. [ heaving an overdramatic sigh- ] It's "Auberon." Diminutive of Alberich, if you must know. Sir Shakespeare may have been a genius, but he certainly wasn't afraid to take from myth and legend, you know?
[ it all has the ring of truth. it's something she could look up scholars and papers on, if she so chose. and yet, like this, each dream has made one thing clearer and clearer:
he lies-
-and he lies-
and he lies!
and through it all, he reaches out, strokes at the place where her normally-hidden nape of her neck lays vulnerable- ]
The accusations tastes so bitter in her mouth that she can't bring herself to voice it. What place does she have to call anybody else a liar? Even so, some trembling indignation in her makes her take a sharp step back, out of his touch and away from his reach. Not that it means much of anything, of course. But the implied rejection is enough. ]
No. It isn't. [ Her voice is trembling a little too, but it's certain. Without even meaning to, she has one hand clasped in the other, pressed to her heart. Like she doesn't trust herself to stand straight without something to grip onto. ] Please, don't—
[ She stops herself for just a moment and the absurdity of what she's about to ask makes a laugh come tumbling out first. ]
[ ...ah. she really doesn't believe him, does she? the smile doesn't leave his face - that ever-present, gentle smile - but there's something else in his eyes, now. something dug deep down. something ai herself might recognize. ]
...that's a laugh, coming from you. [ still pleasant. still teasing. and yet, there's something under it - a harsh desperation. not now. not like this. stop digging. ] Or do all idols practice that line? What was it- "I don't know what to do?"
[ he can't point to those other words, those convenient lies he'd provided for her. because if he does, if he acknowledges those-
then everything else will come crashing down with them. ]
[ Ice skitters down her back. She hadn't done much in the way of pretending that had been anything but a lie and she'd known that her performance, as it was, had been a little embarrassing. But having the lie unraveled and having it thrown back in her face like that are two very different things. ]
That's not even close to being the same! [ Egged on by that same indignation, some urge to defend whatever tattered scrap of her pride is left over, she takes a step forward. The hand bearing that blue butterfly curls into a fist. ] I— I lie like that because I have to! Because I can't be an idol if I don't! I—
[ No. That's what he wants, isn't it? For her to be riled up, upset, defending herself. Distracted from the point. She swallows hard and takes another step forward. A challenge. She tries to keep her voice steady and fails. ]
I know I'm selfish. I know I'm... dirty and irresponsible and everything else that's bad. I know that and you don't need to tell me. But you said you were here to grant my wish — isn't that what this was all about to begin with? So the least you could do is tell me who you really are!
he's done that a hundred times and a hundred times more. he's oberon, after all. the faerie king. yearning after a midsummer night's dream, praying for the day he can find his beautiful titania.
but that's not true, is it?
tell me who you really are.
he could tell her he lied, of course. that there's no such thing as a midsummer night's dream. that stories aren't real, just beautiful dreams meant to be watched once, crushed, and tossed aside. of course he isn't real. of course titania isn't real. of course her wish isn't real. what does any of it matter-
but that's not true, is it?
tell me who you really are.
how can he do that? every word out of his mouth is a lie. he can never speak the truth, or it would become a lie in that very moment. if he tells her what he is, he will be lying. if he's lying, he can't fulfill her desires. he can't make her wish come true. and that, above all else, is one thing he knows he can never let be true.
tell me who you really are.
the laugh that escapes him is... different. wrong. oberon, with certainty - and yet not oberon, or anything like him. a different person, who has been the same person all this time. ]
[ the tone of his voice doesn't change the slightest. it's still him, even if it's not. or perhaps it's never been him, and he's speaking honestly like he always has. it's wrong, and it's right, and it's everything together at once. a beautiful lie. a horrid truth.
the sound of insects echoes throughout his ears. perhaps she can hear it, too. ]
"Here to grant your wish?" Of course not. You really think that sort of miracle could exist? You really are a stupid little girl, aren't you?
[ the words escape, one after the other. terrible barbs, clawing desperately out of his throat and tumbling from his lips. he can feel the bile, the cruelty, like ink drying on a page. a new truth being written, born of lies and love. and through it all, that terrible sound, that scream of cicadas and mosquitos and beetles and flies, radiates through the room. they gather around him, a dark cloud like a thunderstorm preparing to unleash.
he laughs, one last lie slipping out before he is covered completely- ]
I have no idea what I saw in a miserable urchin like you.
[ there is a sound like a chrysalis tearing open. the grotesque sound of wet flesh tearing. flies drop dead, mosquitos rot away in a whine, cicadas shed and flee. and slowly, the cloud dissipates.
oberon-vortigern smiles at her. the hungry gaze of a predator, cold and cruel and sharp. black claws, extended and at the ready. a dread wyrm, abyssal and empty, ready to kill her at the slightest sign of resistance. ]
You wanted to know who I am? The lowliest of insects, a single worm gnawing at the roots of this whole war.
[ he doesn't bother to move quickly. he can kill her any moment he wishes, after all. why not take his time? why not play with her? he walks towards her, those black chitinous claws twitching at his side, and smiles. ]
My true name is Oberon Vortigern. And you've been here to help me reach my wish, all this time.
[ Her ears are ringing. She knows it now that she's heard it again, outside of her dreams. Screaming, chattering insects and the reek of rotting flesh. This was the sound that had spurred her awake and made her scald her skin in the shower to try and rid herself of the feeling it had left. And here she is — she's invited it back into her skin. Isn't she a fool?
The feeling that locks Ai's spine isn't quite ice. It's something colder and older. Recognition. Warning sirens. The knowing that she can never, ever forget no matter how long it's been because nobody, not even a girl as stupid as Ai, ever forgets a lesson that was beaten into them. She made a mistake, didn't she? She pushed too hard. She asked too many questions. She demanded things that a girl like her has no right to demand. Having someone be here with her, being kind, holding her, even if it was a lie — couldn't she have accepted that? Couldn't she just have put up with it? Did she really have to get so greedy?
She hasn't moved an inch. Even though she's trembling like a rabbit that's just seen the first flash of a predator's eyes in the undergrowth. Mercifully, her legs don't give out. ]
I don't... understand. [ Stupid girl. Ignorant brat. When has she ever understood anything? ] I'm not... I'm barely even a mage. What could I even do?
[ it's all truth. not a single lie can escape from ai's lips, like this. isn't that beautiful? when all the lies and pleasantries are stripped away, she can speak the truth. how nice for her. he approaches with calm steps, eliminating that last bit of distance between them - and then pushing her back, off-balance, laughing darkly as her back meets the wall.
she can't run, now. she has nowhere to go. why not let her know "the truth?" ]
Exactly what you needed to do. [ he leans in, bends forward - forces her face to face, where she can't hide her gaze. ] Be a pretty little face. Keep your mouth shut, and let me take care of it. But that wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to keep digging.
[ one clawed hand reaches down, grabs her - forces it open, enough to intertwine their two fingers. and he leans in, licking up and along the muscle of her neck. ]
You were never good enough to be her. [ and even if it's said to hurt, maybe it's okay if the implications there are left unsaid. maybe it's fine to say but i wanted you to be. ] You couldn't even supply mana at first. And pretending to be unsullied! What a laugh.
[ it's all the warning he gives before he bites down - harsh, cruel, sharp. not enough to draw blood, if only barely. but enough to bruise. enough to mark. pulling away, he hisses- ]
Maybe we should see if we can make you look as rotten as you really are. It's only fitting for my Master - right, Ai?
[ When she steps back, it's too fast. She almost stumbles and doesn't realize where she's going until her back hits the wall. Panic flares up in her belly for a second but then something dampens it. Confusion. A different kind of recognition. His face is so close that she has nowhere to look but right into his eyes and—
She hadn't seen it before. Of course she hadn't. He'd never let her. But Oberon's eyes had been the same sort of blue as that boy's and it's only now she realizes just how terribly cold they were. A deceptively cold sunny day in the dead of winter. But looking now — Vortigern, as he'd said... his eyes are warm. Even when his voice is so dreadfully cold.
Her breath all comes rushing out. The noise is more heated than she'd like to admit because it's only now here in all this that she realizes what had been missing. Heat. Warmth. It's all here where he should be the coldest, the most bitter and frigid and yet even when his teeth sting—
There's no way. There's no way it could be this way around, could it? ]
That was your wish. That was what you wanted.
[ There's a horrible, dawning comprehension in her voice. The fear is there — the fear and the confusion and everything else to be expected — but it's too warm. Too breathy. It sounds so terribly, awfully like understanding.
The role she had played all those years ago. The name she'd forgotten until just this moment. ]
[ for a moment, everything feels... right. once more, he's irredeemable. monstrous. a bringer of calamity, as he's always been. if he can't have her, then he can bring curses onto the world around them both-
you wanted titania. his face drops. his sneer fades into a frown. and he just says- ]
Shut up. [ he sounds- irritated. actually irritated, for the very first time. a second time, louder, he says- ] Shut up- [ -and then, again- ] Shut up. Don't say her name. You have no right.
[ his free hand reaches up; black claws serpentine through her hair, grab tight. and he bites further down, where neck meets shoulder, and even in that a thrill of prana and something else make their way through that bond. fear? adoration? hatred? maybe all of it. who can say. but right now- ]
Never say that name again.
[ -right now, all that matters is that she doesn't say it. she can't say it. because if she does, that one last lie will come crashing down.
and if she does that, he can't handle what happens after. ]
[ Another noise. Thin, like she'd tried to catch it and quiet it on the way out then given up entirely on silencing it. Her heart is pounding so hard in her throat it's a wonder anything made it's way out — but her head is spinning too fast for her to make any that would make sense, anyway.
He's angry — but not at her. If he really, truly wanted to hurt her then it wouldn't take even the slightest bit of effort for him to do so. His grip on her hair and her hand stings, his teeth risk breaking skin. But it isn't anger or disgust that wrenches something like that out of you — it's fear. This is mine. Don't touch it. Don't dirty it. This is precious to me, so please— don't steal it.
If you hold onto something hard enough to leave bruises, it's because you don't want to lose it. If you leave marks, it's because you want people to know it belongs to you.
For a second, she can't breathe at all. ]
... Oberon. Ah, no... Vortigern.
[ Her fingers curl around his a little uncertainly. Could it really be that simple? Could it really be something this awful and lovely all at once? ]
[ he understands what she's saying. he can see the truth of every word, laid out before him in a tapestry, and that only makes him angrier. ]
Haha! Do you really think begging will help?!
[ there's an almost desperate edge to his voice - a need for this to be cruel, a need to take this from her. if he can take it, he doesn't have to say he'll never give it. if he never says he wants to protect her, then it doesn't have to be a lie. he sucks at the newly-forming welt, harsh and fully intent on marking her; his leg slides between hers, pressing against her as he tries to make her understand just what it is he's sharing with taking from her. ]
This will hurt, Ai. [ pulling away from the new hickey, leaning in to hiss into her ear- ] And that's how it'll always be, from now on.
[ It's almost a little sad. She doesn't let herself have any pity, because pity makes things worse. She knows pity stings. And she can say that with certainty the way she's been able to say nothing else so certainly because some horrible clarity has clicked into place. Everything is topsy turvy and upside down and she was right — he is a liar. But he's a liar just in the same way she is, if their hearts are broken in all the same places—
Her thighs pinch a little tighter around his leg and her throat hums with a warm noise. Still restrained. Still not quite trusting herself to let out the fullness of her voice. ]
Okay. I get it.
[ Her voice is so soft. She's been so angry before, so angry and afraid but... how could she be truly angry at someone just like her?
Her free hand steals up to bury itself in the heavy stole around his shoulders and she turns to look at him, properly. His expression is sharp and twisted but it means nothing at all. It's just as fake as every smile she's ever worn on stage. Does he really think she can't see it? ]
[ soft-skinned thighs tense, press down around his leg; those eyes of hers, beautiful and splendid like a starry night, gaze into his own. every word she says betrays her own truth, her own lies, her sudden understanding of every part of him.
it's maddening, how much he despises this girl. ]
Fine, then. If you're so desperate for attention.
[ the hand in her hair lets go, drops down - grabs at ai's breast through her shirt. those touches of his, once so gentle, feel rough to the point of cruelty now: his fingers squeeze and pinch, just as hard as he nips and bites and bruises at her upper shoulder. his leg pushes in, trying to pin her to the wall just as much as he tries to give her sensation to ride out.
and the whole while, his clawed hand remains in hers - holding tight, tight enough to bruise her delicate skin. ]
[ Hurt me, she'd said. Not without trepidation or fear, but as a test. Maybe even a challenge. Because as he is now, there's no way she'd be able to stop him or get away if he really wanted to do so. She knows that. But when dared to do it, this is the best he can come up with — holding her so hard that she bruises, as if he thinks she might slip out of his grip the second he lets up. He's not gentle. He's not kind. But it feels like the first time that he's ever really wanted her, in sharp comparison to the sickly sugary words he'd poured into her ears every other time he's touched her.
That was the thing she'd wanted, wasn't it? Her wish. The thing she thought she needed a miracle to grant. A person who'd know she was rotten and selfish and sullied and want her anyway.
Her weight sags into him, as best she can while she's pinned to the wall. Her face presses into his hair and when his teeth threaten to break her skin again, the noise that rises from her mouth finally resolves into a moan. She lifts her hips into his touch and though she knows that anyone else would think she's lost her mind, that when Saitou sees her covered in bruises and hickeys tomorrow he might just lose his too — but she doesn't care. ]
That hurts... [ No lie. Of course it does — but the plaintive note in her voice isn't a plea for him to stop, it's for more. ] I didn't know you were such a bully.
[ "that hurts." please, keep going. "i didn't know you were such a bully." love me. want me. we're the same, aren't we?
the laugh that escapes him is nearly manic. she sees him, she sees him, she sees him. he feels faint. he feels terrified. he wants her, more hopelessly than anything. ]
Oh? I don't bully good little girls, though. [ no one else is worth my love. ] Only broken sluts like you. [ someone like you is the only one i could possibly adore.
his hand slips under her shirt, practically yanks her bra out of the way - grabs, pinches, pushes her against the wall with the force of his hatred (adoration). he rolls his hips against her, pressing his thigh in even as he grinds into her hip. and he leans in, until his lips almost brush against hers-
-freezes, his own motions flinching to a stop-
-pulls away, presses a kiss to her cheek. he can't handle the idea of refusal. he can't. ]
[ Liar. she thinks. Liar, liar, liar. She'd wanted to spit it at him before like an accusation but now it sounds so lovely she can barely stand it. Of course he's a liar — he's the exact same sort of liar as her. Neither of them can ever talk about loving or wanting anyone without it being a lie but that doesn't matter. The truth is all there in the friction of their bodies pressing into each other, the way his fingers dig into her skin. This isn't someone pawing half-heartedly at her for their own satisfaction — it feels so good that even when it stings, her nerves sing.
Her breath is shallow, all huffed moans and sweet, impatient noises. She doesn't get a chance to pull in a proper gasp of air until he stops — and it all comes back out when she realizes why he'd stopped.
He's an excellent liar. Good enough that he tricked her, even if it was only for a while. But he's not quite so good as an actor. What a terrible recovery. Before he can pull back any further, the hand that had been clinging to the furs around his shoulders drifts upwards to comb through his hair and cradle the back of his head. She doesn't let him protest or twist it as she knows he surely would if given the chance — she just tips her head up and presses her lips against his.
Ah. That's right. This is the first time they've kissed for real, isn't it? And she didn't even warn him or ask if she could. She wonders if he'll bite out her tongue. But probably not. ]
[ ai understands the lie he hasn't even voiced, and their lips meet.
he almost freezes again, for a moment - and then he kisses back, hungry and needy and utterly, utterly terrified. always listen to me. never hear me. always see through me. never look at me. as your servant, i forbid you from leaving. a hundred little contradictions in one. fitting, for something like him.
he's not sure when he pulls her away from the wall, down onto the floor of the apartment. probably sometime after he bites her lower lip and she whimpers, teary and submissive and just as needy for him as he feels for her. he's not sure when his stole and shirt came undone - when his sunken, skinny chest finally became visible for the first time - or when hers came off either, come to think of it.
it doesn't matter. none of this matters. all that matters is that her lips are against his and her tongue brushes his and that he's finally, finally found her. ]
You stupid- stupid, stupid bitch, [ he whispers into the untouched part of her neck, his shoulders shuddering and his voice quaking beneath the weight. ] You can never go back from something like this. You'll be tainted. Defiled, even more than you already are.
[ she's so pure. so fragile. so beautiful, so perfect, so full of kindness and mischief and desire and lies. the thought of staining his titania's lily white dress - it hurts, even like this. ]
Beg if you have regrets. Maybe I'll listen.
[ even he's no longer sure where lie begins and ends. ]
[ Ai doesn't need to see herself to know what a mess she must look right now. Her hand is sore and she thinks that when she bathes tonight or tomorrow, she'll see bruises in all the places he touched. Her mark on her neck must be as dark and livid as her command seal and her mouth is puffy and stinging from a bite. She also knows she must be wearing the sort of face an idol like her should ever make — a sweet, melting, utterly love drunk expression. She's seen past the trick of the light now. She knows what he's saying. ]
I know. [ How could she not know? Of course she can't go back from this. She's been so miserably lonely, so needy for anyone to see her and want has as she is with no compromises — now that she has him, of course she could never go back. ] But it's too late for me to try and have regrets, right?
[ Her arms wind around his neck and she hugs him, pressing her face into his hair. She wants to touch him and be touched properly so badly she could cry from needing it. ]
[ she's been disgraced. marked, stained, defaced. she's the most beautiful woman he's ever met, a hundred times over. the scent of her hair, her flesh against his - how can he go back? ]
At least you know that much. Maybe you're smarter than you look.
[ idiot. idiot. who else could adore him, seeing him like this? little daggers, etching i love you with every word. he reaches down, forces his hand past the waistband of her leggings - strokes at her, shockingly delicate for such wicked claws. ]
No one wants a filthy idol. Nobody else will take you now. [ i'll be by your side as long as you'd have me. ] You know that, right?
[ Her breath hitches. He's touched her like this so many times before but never like this- not when she's this needy and warm and never when he's actually been looking at her. She'd felt how easily he could hurt her so that he's touching her so gently now, like she's something delicate and precious -
She makes a greedy little noise of approval and her hips lift into his touch. ]
I know. I've always known that.
[ That's why she lies. It's why she has to lie. But of course he understands that without her needing to say it. Maybe he has all along. ]
So it has to be you. If nobody else will, then it has to be you.
[ he shudders, overcome by arousalrevulsion, presses in just a bit more firmly - strokes small circles around her as he hisses into her ear. ]
Revolting. Disgusting. Die in a ditch. Carrion bugs like you make me sick. [ insects. family. we're two sides of a coin. ] You're lucky I'm willing to even look at you.
[ he reaches up, jerks at her hair - pulls her to look at him again before crushing his lips against hers. and the whole while, that gentle pace continues, stroking and circling and loving her. ]
[ Another of those high, needy noises rises out of her throat and she thinks — she's expected to believe all that when he's touching her this sweetly and this warmly? It doesn't make any sense at all. It makes perfect sense. Someone who's as much of a liar as she is could never talk about love and have it be true — and someone who's as much of a liar as he is could never talk about anything else and have it be true either. So if you can't speak words of love, what other choice do you have?
Her thighs pinch together again. Her whole body feels wound tight and warm and she can barely breathe. It's so good her head is spinning and the arms that'd been clinging onto his neck for purchase draw even tighter. ]
You're— the worst— [ She huffs that out as best she can between kisses, her voice ragged and uneven. ] Right here on the floor instead of taking me to bed— you couldn't wait...
[ He couldn't wait. He's so impatient to have her, they're doing this here. When has anyone ever wanted her like that? ]
[ it's incredible, how he keeps the same pace the whole while. even as ai's arms tighten around him. even as her tongue plays at his lips. even when she says that and he sees, understanding full well - the bed, not now but after, please, keep loving me-
the way his fingers stay gentle up until he tugs her leggings down - those wicked claws suddenly shredding through the same fabric he'd been so gentle with - it betrays something. the depths of his affection. the way he adores her. how much he loves her- ]
I told you already, didn't I? You mean nothing. This is just for my entertainment, by this point.
[ -even if he will never, ever be able to say it truthfully. ]
Well? Is this what you wanted?
[ because even now, even like this, he cannot possibly comprehend that being the truth. ]
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"reunion / sink"
[ it all has the ring of truth. it's something she could look up scholars and papers on, if she so chose. and yet, like this, each dream has made one thing clearer and clearer:
he lies-
and through it all, he reaches out, strokes at the place where her normally-hidden nape of her neck lays vulnerable- ]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept it from you.
no subject
The accusations tastes so bitter in her mouth that she can't bring herself to voice it. What place does she have to call anybody else a liar? Even so, some trembling indignation in her makes her take a sharp step back, out of his touch and away from his reach. Not that it means much of anything, of course. But the implied rejection is enough. ]
No. It isn't. [ Her voice is trembling a little too, but it's certain. Without even meaning to, she has one hand clasped in the other, pressed to her heart. Like she doesn't trust herself to stand straight without something to grip onto. ] Please, don't—
[ She stops herself for just a moment and the absurdity of what she's about to ask makes a laugh come tumbling out first. ]
Please don't lie to me.
no subject
...that's a laugh, coming from you. [ still pleasant. still teasing. and yet, there's something under it - a harsh desperation. not now. not like this. stop digging. ] Or do all idols practice that line? What was it- "I don't know what to do?"
[ he can't point to those other words, those convenient lies he'd provided for her. because if he does, if he acknowledges those-
then everything else will come crashing down with them. ]
no subject
That's not even close to being the same! [ Egged on by that same indignation, some urge to defend whatever tattered scrap of her pride is left over, she takes a step forward. The hand bearing that blue butterfly curls into a fist. ] I— I lie like that because I have to! Because I can't be an idol if I don't! I—
[ No. That's what he wants, isn't it? For her to be riled up, upset, defending herself. Distracted from the point. She swallows hard and takes another step forward. A challenge. She tries to keep her voice steady and fails. ]
I know I'm selfish. I know I'm... dirty and irresponsible and everything else that's bad. I know that and you don't need to tell me. But you said you were here to grant my wish — isn't that what this was all about to begin with? So the least you could do is tell me who you really are!
1/3
he's done that a hundred times and a hundred times more. he's oberon, after all. the faerie king. yearning after a midsummer night's dream, praying for the day he can find his beautiful titania.
but that's not true, is it?
tell me who you really are.
he could tell her he lied, of course. that there's no such thing as a midsummer night's dream. that stories aren't real, just beautiful dreams meant to be watched once, crushed, and tossed aside. of course he isn't real. of course titania isn't real. of course her wish isn't real. what does any of it matter-
but that's not true, is it?
tell me who you really are.
how can he do that? every word out of his mouth is a lie. he can never speak the truth, or it would become a lie in that very moment. if he tells her what he is, he will be lying. if he's lying, he can't fulfill her desires. he can't make her wish come true. and that, above all else, is one thing he knows he can never let be true.
tell me who you really are.
the laugh that escapes him is... different. wrong. oberon, with certainty - and yet not oberon, or anything like him. a different person, who has been the same person all this time. ]
2/3
[ the tone of his voice doesn't change the slightest. it's still him, even if it's not. or perhaps it's never been him, and he's speaking honestly like he always has. it's wrong, and it's right, and it's everything together at once. a beautiful lie. a horrid truth.
the sound of insects echoes throughout his ears. perhaps she can hear it, too. ]
"Here to grant your wish?" Of course not. You really think that sort of miracle could exist? You really are a stupid little girl, aren't you?
[ the words escape, one after the other. terrible barbs, clawing desperately out of his throat and tumbling from his lips. he can feel the bile, the cruelty, like ink drying on a page. a new truth being written, born of lies and love. and through it all, that terrible sound, that scream of cicadas and mosquitos and beetles and flies, radiates through the room. they gather around him, a dark cloud like a thunderstorm preparing to unleash.
he laughs, one last lie slipping out before he is covered completely- ]
I have no idea what I saw in a miserable urchin like you.
3/3
oberon-vortigern smiles at her. the hungry gaze of a predator, cold and cruel and sharp. black claws, extended and at the ready. a dread wyrm, abyssal and empty, ready to kill her at the slightest sign of resistance. ]
You wanted to know who I am? The lowliest of insects, a single worm gnawing at the roots of this whole war.
[ he doesn't bother to move quickly. he can kill her any moment he wishes, after all. why not take his time? why not play with her? he walks towards her, those black chitinous claws twitching at his side, and smiles. ]
My true name is Oberon Vortigern. And you've been here to help me reach my wish, all this time.
no subject
The feeling that locks Ai's spine isn't quite ice. It's something colder and older. Recognition. Warning sirens. The knowing that she can never, ever forget no matter how long it's been because nobody, not even a girl as stupid as Ai, ever forgets a lesson that was beaten into them. She made a mistake, didn't she? She pushed too hard. She asked too many questions. She demanded things that a girl like her has no right to demand. Having someone be here with her, being kind, holding her, even if it was a lie — couldn't she have accepted that? Couldn't she just have put up with it? Did she really have to get so greedy?
She hasn't moved an inch. Even though she's trembling like a rabbit that's just seen the first flash of a predator's eyes in the undergrowth. Mercifully, her legs don't give out. ]
I don't... understand. [ Stupid girl. Ignorant brat. When has she ever understood anything? ] I'm not... I'm barely even a mage. What could I even do?
no subject
she can't run, now. she has nowhere to go. why not let her know "the truth?" ]
Exactly what you needed to do. [ he leans in, bends forward - forces her face to face, where she can't hide her gaze. ] Be a pretty little face. Keep your mouth shut, and let me take care of it. But that wasn't enough for you, was it? You had to keep digging.
[ one clawed hand reaches down, grabs her - forces it open, enough to intertwine their two fingers. and he leans in, licking up and along the muscle of her neck. ]
You were never good enough to be her. [ and even if it's said to hurt, maybe it's okay if the implications there are left unsaid. maybe it's fine to say but i wanted you to be. ] You couldn't even supply mana at first. And pretending to be unsullied! What a laugh.
[ it's all the warning he gives before he bites down - harsh, cruel, sharp. not enough to draw blood, if only barely. but enough to bruise. enough to mark. pulling away, he hisses- ]
Maybe we should see if we can make you look as rotten as you really are. It's only fitting for my Master - right, Ai?
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She hadn't seen it before. Of course she hadn't. He'd never let her. But Oberon's eyes had been the same sort of blue as that boy's and it's only now she realizes just how terribly cold they were. A deceptively cold sunny day in the dead of winter. But looking now — Vortigern, as he'd said... his eyes are warm. Even when his voice is so dreadfully cold.
Her breath all comes rushing out. The noise is more heated than she'd like to admit because it's only now here in all this that she realizes what had been missing. Heat. Warmth. It's all here where he should be the coldest, the most bitter and frigid and yet even when his teeth sting—
There's no way. There's no way it could be this way around, could it? ]
That was your wish. That was what you wanted.
[ There's a horrible, dawning comprehension in her voice. The fear is there — the fear and the confusion and everything else to be expected — but it's too warm. Too breathy. It sounds so terribly, awfully like understanding.
The role she had played all those years ago. The name she'd forgotten until just this moment. ]
You wanted Titania.
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you wanted titania. his face drops. his sneer fades into a frown. and he just says- ]
Shut up. [ he sounds- irritated. actually irritated, for the very first time. a second time, louder, he says- ] Shut up- [ -and then, again- ] Shut up. Don't say her name. You have no right.
[ his free hand reaches up; black claws serpentine through her hair, grab tight. and he bites further down, where neck meets shoulder, and even in that a thrill of prana and something else make their way through that bond. fear? adoration? hatred? maybe all of it. who can say. but right now- ]
Never say that name again.
[ -right now, all that matters is that she doesn't say it. she can't say it. because if she does, that one last lie will come crashing down.
and if she does that, he can't handle what happens after. ]
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He's angry — but not at her. If he really, truly wanted to hurt her then it wouldn't take even the slightest bit of effort for him to do so. His grip on her hair and her hand stings, his teeth risk breaking skin. But it isn't anger or disgust that wrenches something like that out of you — it's fear. This is mine. Don't touch it. Don't dirty it. This is precious to me, so please— don't steal it.
If you hold onto something hard enough to leave bruises, it's because you don't want to lose it. If you leave marks, it's because you want people to know it belongs to you.
For a second, she can't breathe at all. ]
... Oberon. Ah, no... Vortigern.
[ Her fingers curl around his a little uncertainly. Could it really be that simple? Could it really be something this awful and lovely all at once? ]
It's okay. You don't have to hurt me.
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Haha! Do you really think begging will help?!
[ there's an almost desperate edge to his voice - a need for this to be cruel, a need to take this from her. if he can take it, he doesn't have to say he'll never give it. if he never says he wants to protect her, then it doesn't have to be a lie. he sucks at the newly-forming welt, harsh and fully intent on marking her; his leg slides between hers, pressing against her as he tries to make her understand just what it is he's
sharing withtaking from her. ]This will hurt, Ai. [ pulling away from the new hickey, leaning in to hiss into her ear- ] And that's how it'll always be, from now on.
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Her thighs pinch a little tighter around his leg and her throat hums with a warm noise. Still restrained. Still not quite trusting herself to let out the fullness of her voice. ]
Okay. I get it.
[ Her voice is so soft. She's been so angry before, so angry and afraid but... how could she be truly angry at someone just like her?
Her free hand steals up to bury itself in the heavy stole around his shoulders and she turns to look at him, properly. His expression is sharp and twisted but it means nothing at all. It's just as fake as every smile she's ever worn on stage. Does he really think she can't see it? ]
Hurt me, then.
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it's maddening, how much he despises this girl. ]
Fine, then. If you're so desperate for attention.
[ the hand in her hair lets go, drops down - grabs at ai's breast through her shirt. those touches of his, once so gentle, feel rough to the point of cruelty now: his fingers squeeze and pinch, just as hard as he nips and bites and bruises at her upper shoulder. his leg pushes in, trying to pin her to the wall just as much as he tries to give her sensation to ride out.
and the whole while, his clawed hand remains in hers - holding tight, tight enough to bruise her delicate skin. ]
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That was the thing she'd wanted, wasn't it? Her wish. The thing she thought she needed a miracle to grant. A person who'd know she was rotten and selfish and sullied and want her anyway.
Her weight sags into him, as best she can while she's pinned to the wall. Her face presses into his hair and when his teeth threaten to break her skin again, the noise that rises from her mouth finally resolves into a moan. She lifts her hips into his touch and though she knows that anyone else would think she's lost her mind, that when Saitou sees her covered in bruises and hickeys tomorrow he might just lose his too — but she doesn't care. ]
That hurts... [ No lie. Of course it does — but the plaintive note in her voice isn't a plea for him to stop, it's for more. ] I didn't know you were such a bully.
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the laugh that escapes him is nearly manic. she sees him, she sees him, she sees him. he feels faint. he feels terrified. he wants her, more hopelessly than anything. ]
Oh? I don't bully good little girls, though. [ no one else is worth my love. ] Only broken sluts like you. [ someone like you is the only one i could possibly adore.
his hand slips under her shirt, practically yanks her bra out of the way - grabs, pinches, pushes her against the wall with the force of his hatred (adoration). he rolls his hips against her, pressing his thigh in even as he grinds into her hip. and he leans in, until his lips almost brush against hers-
-freezes, his own motions flinching to a stop-
-pulls away, presses a kiss to her cheek. he can't handle the idea of refusal. he can't. ]
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Her breath is shallow, all huffed moans and sweet, impatient noises. She doesn't get a chance to pull in a proper gasp of air until he stops — and it all comes back out when she realizes why he'd stopped.
He's an excellent liar. Good enough that he tricked her, even if it was only for a while. But he's not quite so good as an actor. What a terrible recovery. Before he can pull back any further, the hand that had been clinging to the furs around his shoulders drifts upwards to comb through his hair and cradle the back of his head. She doesn't let him protest or twist it as she knows he surely would if given the chance — she just tips her head up and presses her lips against his.
Ah. That's right. This is the first time they've kissed for real, isn't it? And she didn't even warn him or ask if she could. She wonders if he'll bite out her tongue. But probably not. ]
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he almost freezes again, for a moment - and then he kisses back, hungry and needy and utterly, utterly terrified. always listen to me. never hear me. always see through me. never look at me. as your servant, i forbid you from leaving. a hundred little contradictions in one. fitting, for something like him.
he's not sure when he pulls her away from the wall, down onto the floor of the apartment. probably sometime after he bites her lower lip and she whimpers, teary and submissive and just as needy for him as he feels for her. he's not sure when his stole and shirt came undone - when his sunken, skinny chest finally became visible for the first time - or when hers came off either, come to think of it.
it doesn't matter. none of this matters. all that matters is that her lips are against his and her tongue brushes his and that he's finally, finally found her. ]
You stupid- stupid, stupid bitch, [ he whispers into the untouched part of her neck, his shoulders shuddering and his voice quaking beneath the weight. ] You can never go back from something like this. You'll be tainted. Defiled, even more than you already are.
[ she's so pure. so fragile. so beautiful, so perfect, so full of kindness and mischief and desire and lies. the thought of staining his titania's lily white dress - it hurts, even like this. ]
Beg if you have regrets. Maybe I'll listen.
[ even he's no longer sure where lie begins and ends. ]
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I know. [ How could she not know? Of course she can't go back from this. She's been so miserably lonely, so needy for anyone to see her and want has as she is with no compromises — now that she has him, of course she could never go back. ] But it's too late for me to try and have regrets, right?
[ Her arms wind around his neck and she hugs him, pressing her face into his hair. She wants to touch him and be touched properly so badly she could cry from needing it. ]
You can't stop here.
[ "So please don't stop." ]
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At least you know that much. Maybe you're smarter than you look.
[ idiot. idiot. who else could adore him, seeing him like this? little daggers, etching i love you with every word. he reaches down, forces his hand past the waistband of her leggings - strokes at her, shockingly delicate for such wicked claws. ]
No one wants a filthy idol. Nobody else will take you now. [ i'll be by your side as long as you'd have me. ] You know that, right?
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She makes a greedy little noise of approval and her hips lift into his touch. ]
I know. I've always known that.
[ That's why she lies. It's why she has to lie. But of course he understands that without her needing to say it. Maybe he has all along. ]
So it has to be you. If nobody else will, then it has to be you.
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arousalrevulsion, presses in just a bit more firmly - strokes small circles around her as he hisses into her ear. ]Revolting. Disgusting. Die in a ditch. Carrion bugs like you make me sick. [ insects. family. we're two sides of a coin. ] You're lucky I'm willing to even look at you.
[ he reaches up, jerks at her hair - pulls her to look at him again before crushing his lips against hers. and the whole while, that gentle pace continues, stroking and circling and loving her. ]
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Her thighs pinch together again. Her whole body feels wound tight and warm and she can barely breathe. It's so good her head is spinning and the arms that'd been clinging onto his neck for purchase draw even tighter. ]
You're— the worst— [ She huffs that out as best she can between kisses, her voice ragged and uneven. ] Right here on the floor instead of taking me to bed— you couldn't wait...
[ He couldn't wait. He's so impatient to have her, they're doing this here. When has anyone ever wanted her like that? ]
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[ it's incredible, how he keeps the same pace the whole while. even as ai's arms tighten around him. even as her tongue plays at his lips. even when she says that and he sees, understanding full well - the bed, not now but after, please, keep loving me-
the way his fingers stay gentle up until he tugs her leggings down - those wicked claws suddenly shredding through the same fabric he'd been so gentle with - it betrays something. the depths of his affection. the way he adores her. how much he loves her- ]
I told you already, didn't I? You mean nothing. This is just for my entertainment, by this point.
[ -even if he will never, ever be able to say it truthfully. ]
Well? Is this what you wanted?
[ because even now, even like this, he cannot possibly comprehend that being the truth. ]
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