[ She wonders just how transparently obvious it is that she's avoiding the apartment. She doesn't really have anywhere to go and it's not like she has a job in this place, but Ai's been slipping out of the door in the mornings and returning late in the evening for the last few days. She wears a mask to cover the still livid bite mark (she won't let herself think of it as a hickey even though that's so clearly what it is) and wanders the city, trying to pretend she feels like she belongs there.
It isn't as though she doesn't want to be at home. It's not like she doesn't want to be around him. It's just...
Well, it's just like she'd said. She doesn't know what to do about any of it. And when Ai doesn't know what to do about something, the only thing she can think to do is avoid it.
Of course, that's a whole lot easier when you don't have an interfering girl like Nagiko in your life. It's taken a little getting used to - she's never had a friend quite like Nagiko (or uh, a friend full stop) who's invested enough to get herself involved. Most times, Ai appreciates it. Today, after the talk she was cornered into having, she feels considerably... less so. Not that Nagiko had necessarily been wrong about any of it but... she kind of feels like a kid who's just gotten the mortifying birds and bees lecture from their parent.
She's still churning it over and over in her brain as she makes her way home for the day. It's just late enough that it's starting to get dark and chilly out and she thinks, not for the first time, just how cold it'd been that first night when those cracks had first started to show. She wonders if she could've avoided this all by being just a little less careless - or if it was just a matter of time before something else had come along.
Her heart's been splitting open for much too long, after all. Bleeding out over whoever gets close enough was an inevitability. ]
Oberon...? [ She says his name in a way that sounds both like hesitation and an apology as she steps in through the door. ] I'm home...
[ She hangs up her coat, toes off her shoes - and then off comes the mask. That mark left behind by their kiss somehow seems even darker and more vivid than it did before it'd started to heal. ]
[ At the very least, he responds, even if it's so dismissive it barely counts as one. Then again, that's generally how he always responds, so it'd be foolish to expect anything else at this point.
If there's one thing that's different, though, it's that the room is remarkably cleaner than it usually is. Well, not completely clean... but all of the usual mess is confined to a single area around Oberon, a mess only recently made in the wake of the original mess being cleaned up.
Maybe he'll take credit for it... he is a liar, after all.
In any case, he glances up from his usual spot on the sofa, lazily laying about like always. He can clearly see the mark on her lip, the mark that he left on her, his own personal scuff on the pretty and polished idol.
...
...stop thinking about it, idiot. ]
...don't stay out so late anymore.
[ He'll protect you. No matter what. But he can't succeed at it, not like this. ]
Ah, I guess it is getting a little too cold to be out this late... I guess maybe it's getting close to winter around here. It's stupid but I really wasn't expecting the seasons to work like normal...
[ She's doing her best to act casual, even as she casts her eyes around the unusually tidy front room. Usually this would be her own handiwork, but it's not and there's absolutely no way Oberon did it...
So Nagiko came over here too, huh. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised. At the same time, thinking about Nagiko and Oberon having a talk even a little bit like the one she and Nagiko had kind of makes her want to sink into the ground and never be seen again?!
Despite her better judgement, though, her gaze lingers on him when it finally settles on the couch. Her gaze isn't quite the same as being subjected to a fae's searing vision but... they're a little too bright and hard to meet, even so. Especially with that soft, uncertain look on her face.
It's hard to tell what's going on in her head. But then, in a motion that seems to surprise even her, Ai visibly steels herself and turns to him. ]
[ He stops in the middle of biting into the melon pan in his hand and glances up at her, his eyes briefly meeting hers before looking away again. It truly is something, isn't it? She can't stand his eyes because his tears down her walls, and he can't stand hers because of that damn light behind them.
Yet he keeps taking glances in her direction, unable to completely resist the pull that she has on him, whether she realizes it or not. ]
Tch... it's a small world, then. Damn author.
[ Authors have always been good at getting on his nerves, after all. ]
[ Pretty busy running back and forth between the two of them. Do they really need a mediator that badly?
... Who's she kidding. Of course they do. ]
She was asking how that fight went the other day. And I told her it was fine, but...
[ Even without being able to see the truth under her carefully chosen words, it's clear by the way her cheeks colour and her gaze slides away that she had more or less the same talk as he did. Presumably with less throwing things.
Ai swallows hard and forces herself to drag her gaze back to his. ]
[ That's all. He makes it sound so easy. And maybe it is, in some ways - so long as they don't pick any fights before he's back to full strength then everything should work out fine.
But that's not exactly what Ai's concerned about. Maybe she could spend another week wasting days out of the apartment just so she doesn't have to look him in the face and honestly, she's tempted. But even if she puts this off until the mark on her mouth fades, it's not like she can just erase what they did.
The hand bearing the final stroke of her Command Seal curls into a fist, clutching the front of her shirt. ]
... I don't want you to disappear. [ Truth. ] But I... I don't know what to do.
[ Lie.
... Almost a lie, anyway. She knows. The part she can't handle is everything else that comes with it. ]
[ ...god, it's like she was made to torment him. How the hell is he supposed to react to hearing that... or rather, seeing that. He already knew that she doesn't want him to disappear, that's why they ended up doing that just last night.
Now here she is, knowing what they have to do to really fix this, and bringing it up even though she can't even handle what will come with it. ]
...don't.
[ He sits up, resting his chin on his hands and looking away. ]
Don't even consider it, not for me. I'd rather just disappear.
[ Lie. Of course it's a lie. Everything he says is a lie. Yet despite that, in some... inexplicable way, he also means it. Of course he doesn't want to disappear, but to go that far...
She shouldn't. This is all just a mistake, a mistake that Oberon's allowed to spiral out of control. They're compatible, but that's the problem, isn't it? What more could you expect from two liars? ]
[ Her expression wavers for a moment before settling on - whatever it is, it's a little too complicated to pick any one thing out of it but the hurt is easy to see.
She knows it's not that straightforward, not when Oberon says it, but the words sting even so. The person who's supposed to be here protecting her would rather vanish.
It shouldn't be a surprise. She's a troublesome Master and an even worse person. And it's not like he chose to come here and save her.
A humourless laugh jitters out of her and even to the naked eye, you can't call the smile on her face anything but a lie. ]
Aah, I guess that makes sense. I'm an idol, after all. [ "I'm so much trouble, after all." ] And I'm already causing you enough trouble as it is.
[ "I'm already dirty as it is." ]
Maybe there's... something else we can figure out. I'm just not sure what.
[ His eyes go wide... with what, exactly, is unclear. Rage? Panic? Pain? ]
Shut up!! Stop saying that!!
[ He's suddenly on his feet, and in another instant, in front of her with his hands gripping her arms. ]
Only I get to say those things.
[ Because if it's him saying it, then it must be a lie. It couldn't be clearer by the way his eyes glare into hers, the way they yet again pierce through her every protection, that he's responding to the "truth" behind her words, rather than what she actually said.
The "truth", huh? Those words are even less deserving of the truth than his words are. ]
[ For a second, that prey animal panic returns to her eyes, the fear of a tiny, trembling creature of the verge of being eaten alive. She's tense under his touch and though she manages to hold his gaze for admirably long, her eyes finally drop from his and look down and away.
She really can't bear having him see her right now. ]
Sorry. [ Her smile turns thin and brittle. ] But it's all true, isn't it?
[ She's a handful. She's an idol. She's an underwhelming Master. She's an intolerably, unforgivably filthy human. ]
I know how things are supposed to go here. Somebody's supposed to win and get their wish, right? Anything they want. But I...
[ Her fragile smile cracks open and when she looks back up at him, her expression can really only be called wounded. ]
It's not like I was ever going to win. I just wanted to stay here a little longer. That's all.
[ God. He really is the worst Servant for her, isn't he? He can't tell her it's not true, that it's all a lie. All he can do is return her lies with more lies... and frighten her.
His hands continue to grip her tight. ]
Don't...
[ All he can do is tell her to stop saying those things. ]
Don't say...
[ He's gripping her tight, but... not enough to hurt anymore. In fact, his hands are trembling. ]
Don't you dare say that, damn it! You daft, greedy idol!
[ He knows what your wish is. How dare you give up on it. ]
[ Her smile wobbles and then pulls into a hard line. That's a new look for Ai's face, especially when looking at him. Resignation, the sting of a tender bruise and bitter, bitter frustration. ]
What good has being greedy ever done me?!
[ It's the only reason she's here, after all.
Her precious treasures, her beautiful children - Ai won't ever call them as mistake. For as many others as she's made in her life, having Aqua and Ruby might just be the one thing she can ever say she'd gotten right.
But she'd gotten too greedy. She'd wanted both when she didn't deserve to have either. Was it really such a shock that she'd ended up paying for it? ]
Of course I want to go back. Of course I want to fix things, but - is that ever really going to happen? Of course it isn't. So why should I keep pretending I can have it?
[ Her voice is shaking. Her eyes sting with the promise of tears and for a second, her inability to keep her composure makes her hate herself enough to be sick. ]
[ He yells it out, unable to contain it any longer. He saw the way she died, the way she thought only of her children in her final moments, the way she died with her son still in her eyes.
He pulls her in, closer than she already was, and glares at her with pained eyes. ]
You're human, so act like it...! Be greedy, be selfish, pursue your happiness above all else, and struggle on like the unsightly creatures you humans are!! Idol my ass! Tell all of them that it's your wish that should be granted!!
You think I haven't tried?! My whole life, I've done my best, I've worked hard, I've lied with everything I had and I've never ever gotten any of it right! So how-
[ Tears break from her eyes and stream down her cheeks, an overflowing of immense frustration with nowhere else to go. Even having felt them coming, they catch her off guard and she furiously scrubs her sleeve off her eyes to try and wipe them away.
When she lowers her arm, she seems... disarmed, somehow. As though that pause for breath had given her the time to regain some control over herself.
She doesn't meet his eyes. ]
. . . Right. It must sound easy to someone like you.
[ "- something like you."
It isn't cruel or dismissive - just an acknowledgement of the gulf of difference between them. It's just as he'd said - she's human. And Oberon is...
What is he? A Servant, sure. That's already one step removed. But he talks sometimes like something very old and very tired - much more so than most of the other Servants scattered around the city.
That screaming, howling void in the sky...
Of course she would seem so unimaginably small and simple to a creature like that. ]
[ His hands tremble again. She doesn't know. She doesn't understand. She can never understand. She must NEVER be allowed to understand what he is.
... ]
...do you want to understand?
[ There's a low growl to his voice this time, and if she bothers to glance up at him again, he'll see that his glare is far more fierce than it was before, yet... paradoxically enough, calm.
Out of everything he's ever said before, the question he asks her now is the most important so far. ]
[ It takes a second for her eyes to flit up to his face. She looks... worn out. Burned down, like a match that's been allowed to scorch itself black. She doesn't understand the intensity of his expression or his voice. She doesn't understand why he holds onto her tight enough to leave bruises.
Stupid girl. When has she ever understood anything?
Her gaze drops and her face tips forward - her forehead presses into his shoulder and the hand she'd been gripping onto her shirt with catches the hem of his. ]
... I'm tired.
[ Of everything. Of fearing everything, resenting everything. Of wanting distance and abhorring it all the same. Needing to be held while desperately wanting him not to be kind to her.
[ His grip on her arms loosens, and a single arm wraps around to pull her in... ]
Sleep.
[ ...while the other hand gently rests on the top of her head, and in that instant, everything will go dark.
Dark, dark, dark...
She'll find herself falling, falling, falling...
...but fortunately for her, she's not falling endlessly. There's a destination, a place where she'll land. The faint sound of voices passing her by as she falls.
"Think you can forgive me just this once, especially after all we've been through together? In fact, tell you what. I apologize for everything I just said. If you'd rather, we can just forget this whole thing happened."
"Huh? U-uh, okay. Wait... huh? I don't understand, Master. It... it seemed like Oberon was being commpletely sincere just now..."
"...Stop messing with Mash."
"Why, whatever do you mean?"
"I mean, you're Oberon the Liar."
"So you DO get it. I'm so glad to hear that, Fujimaru. You're right, I'm a liar. I never told you guys the truth. Not once!"
Falling... falling... falling... until she begins to approach her destination. ]
[ It's frightening at first. But then, of course it would be for a girl like her, frightened of just about everything. But the fear passes just as quick as it surfaces. It's dark, but a quiet, soothing sort of darkness. The sort that settles behind your eyes during a long, restful sleep. How long is it exactly since Ai's had one of those?
She doesn't know any of those voices - not the ones that aren't his, anyway. Even so, they sound familiar and she wonders if it's because the confusion, the disappointment and the frustration is just the same as what she's heard her whole life.
He's not the only one who lies, after all.
She's here to be shown something, right? She's here to understand, if she can. The prospect makes her skin prickle with anxiety. She can hardly understand other people at the best of times. How is a girl like her supposed to make any sense of him?
But she's here because she wanted to try. So she has to at least... try. ]
[ She continues falling, as if allowing her a few more moments in that peaceful darkness, broken only by the faint sounds of unfamiliar voices... until finally, abruptly, without even a landing... she's there.
Deep in within the woods, in a place far removed from anything she's seen in her life, even here in this strange Grail War... ]
When I was born, I couldn't even breathe.
Not so much as a single toe was truly alive.
[ For a second, what she sees can only be considered a beautiful sight. Laid on the ground amidst a beautiful forest was a pitiful, yet beautiful body. Basked in the morning sun's rays, surrounded by faeries. Faeries who had been bullied, persecuted, and had nowhere else to go. Faeries who believed, upon his appearance, to be that of their king. ]
KRSSTCH
[ An abrupt sound of static, and that image changed. ]
I was a rotten mass of fluid inside a chrysalis.
[ A body, thin and bony, more like a corpse than anything else... surrounded by insects that crawled and wriggled all over him. His body unmoving... no, incapable of movement. Incapable of breath. Incapable of even closing his eyes.
Information is given to her, as if it were being narrated to the audience of a play. He was born from Britain's death throes. A self-destruct device designed to destroy and take everything down with it. The embodiment of the island's own wishes... ]
KRSSTCH
[ ...taking the form of the perfect fairy-tale king, born in the perfect fairy-tale forest. The Fairy King as depicted by a famous, talented, mean-spirited author. For as long as they're born from people's desires, it doesn't matter whether the original is real or fake.
But in reality, this "Oberon" pretending to be a king was a creature composed entirely of lies.
Everything he says is untrue thanks to the underlying premise that it was all just part of a single night's revelry. A Midsummer Night's Dream, so to speak. ]
Wow, this is amazing. Everything I say or do ultimately becomes twisted.
[ "I love you" becomes "I don't love you". "I don't love you" becomes "I don't even care about you."
It's not so simple as everything becoming the opposite of what he says. No, it goes further than that. His words are simply undeserving of the truth... therefore, whatever he says must be a lie. A twisted existence, more trouble than it's worth. ]
[ The cool grass of the forest crunches softly under her bare feet. She knows without knowing, without even having to look, how she must be dressed; that white dress, that charcoal black sweater. Why would she look any other way in here? For all the time that has passed and all that's happened, Ai has never really left that hallway.
It's like being the unwilling participant of some miserable tragedy. A play nobody wants to perform in but find themselves trapped on stage anyway. Skittering bugs, the wet and rotting fluid of an insect's metamorphosis. Something moulded into the form of a human and forced to play pretend. A living corpse, fooling everyone into thinking its heart was ever even beating.
... Oh.
Oh, but of course- ]
Aah... Ahaha...!
[ She'd wondered from the start just what it had been that'd drawn them together. They were both liars, of course, but surely there was more to it than that. He was so powerful and so bitterly cold, unlike Ai in just about every way he could be... But she's been wrong all this time, hasn't she?
They're the same. Of course they're the same.
What is she herself if not a corpse pretending it's still living?
Something inside of her breaks. Laughter spills out of her mouth. But even as she raises her hands to her face, her voice shudders to pieces and the noise that had come out of her as laughing turns to horrible, heaving sobs instead.
She doesn't know how long it lasts. Standing in that nonexistent wood, she cries bitter, open mouthed tears for - she doesn't know what. An ancient creature born hating itself to death. A country screaming for mercy, for suicide. A priestess reduced to a slaughter animal, two girls hated and rejected by the land they were sent to grant salvation.
Maybe for the first time, she cries for herself. For the mother bleeding out in her own home and the two children whose lives will carry the reek of her corpse forever. ]
Oberon... Oberon, I...
[ Her voice comes out in gasping, desperate breaths. ]
Me too... ahaha... All this time... I've been dead all this time too.
[ There's a reason he didn't want to do this. Didn't want her to understand. Yet that irrational part in him that she dragged to the surface let her anyway.
As she says those words, that she's been dead all this time, he appears next to her with the sound of crunching leaves. ]
...
[ It's truly no wonder he was summoned by her. No wonder why he had no choice but to answer her call.
He puts his hand around Ai's shoulder and pulls her in, wordless for now. ]
[ And at last, Ai doesn't resist. Even if she'd wanted to, she doesn't have the strength. The least dregs of her restraint had flowed out with her tears and all she can do is throw her arms around him and let herself cry into his chest.
She's shocked to feel there are any tears still left in her. Surely they should have run dry but - now that she's started, she doesn't quite know how to stop. ]
Don't disappear. [ Now more than ever, through her tears, it's an utterly desperate plea. It's more true than it's ever been. ] Please, don't go. I'm- I'm irresponsible and I'm dirty, I'm hopeless as a Master. I'm no good as a person. I know all that, but I...
[ Her wish. Her precious treasures. The one thing a corpse like her can never get back. ]
[ Well, it's a dream, after all. Where else will Ai be able to cry as much as she needs to... then here? His arms wrap around her and hold her tight, letting her cry into his chest so that she can't see the pained expression on his face.
Yet again, he's allowed this to spiral out of control. He's forced her to see the gruesome parts of himself, his gruesome origins, the truth of why he—a Pretender—was summoned by her. Her tears... they are the product of her mask finally coming apart, yet... hurting her like this brings him no joy.
"This is the end, right? What's the harm in being honest with me about how you feel now?"
"Are you kidding me!? You really are an idiot, aren't you? Even I'm not this bad. I've met insects with better memories than you."
"Hey, you're the one who said you're a liar, right?"
"..."
Damn it, to be thinking of that at a time like this... he can already picture the infuriating smile that would be on that girl's face if she were to see him now. ]
...I won't.
[ He holds her tight, one hand on her back, the other on the back of her head. ]
I won't disappear... I...
[ His words catch in his throat, as if the feeling of the truth in his mouth feels wrong, but he presses on. ]
I won't let that be your truth... [ He won't let her be like him. ] I will grant your wish, no matter what...
[ He won't let anyone else do it. He will grant her wish, no matter what. He won't let her remain like him, he won't let that be true. ]
[ A huge shudder wracks her whole body. Impossibly, her arms draw even tighter around him. Her legs feel weak - if he wasn't holding her, she's certain she wouldn't still be standing.
She's selfish. She's greedy and shortsighted. She's always known that. But it's because she's all those things, desperately clawing to try and find some semblance of happiness, that she's wanted someone to say those words to her all this time. That it's okay. That her wish, the thing she wants more than anything - she can have it. They'll do it for her.
Her tears haven't stopped flowing, running rivers down her cheeks and flooding her throat. But instead of despair or sorrow, they've taken on the hue of something brighter and cleaner, different in tone but just as all-encompassing and intense.
When her voice finally surfaces again, it's with the gasping cadence of a drowning woman. ]
I don't need anything else. I don't. I just want to go back. I want to see them grow up and know who'll they'll be and I-
[ Another shudder. ]
I don't need you to say anything else but... will you promise me that I can? Even if it's not true? ... Can you promise that you won't hate me?
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no subject
It isn't as though she doesn't want to be at home. It's not like she doesn't want to be around him. It's just...
Well, it's just like she'd said. She doesn't know what to do about any of it. And when Ai doesn't know what to do about something, the only thing she can think to do is avoid it.
Of course, that's a whole lot easier when you don't have an interfering girl like Nagiko in your life. It's taken a little getting used to - she's never had a friend quite like Nagiko (or uh, a friend full stop) who's invested enough to get herself involved. Most times, Ai appreciates it. Today, after the talk she was cornered into having, she feels considerably... less so. Not that Nagiko had necessarily been wrong about any of it but... she kind of feels like a kid who's just gotten the mortifying birds and bees lecture from their parent.
She's still churning it over and over in her brain as she makes her way home for the day. It's just late enough that it's starting to get dark and chilly out and she thinks, not for the first time, just how cold it'd been that first night when those cracks had first started to show. She wonders if she could've avoided this all by being just a little less careless - or if it was just a matter of time before something else had come along.
Her heart's been splitting open for much too long, after all. Bleeding out over whoever gets close enough was an inevitability. ]
Oberon...? [ She says his name in a way that sounds both like hesitation and an apology as she steps in through the door. ] I'm home...
[ She hangs up her coat, toes off her shoes - and then off comes the mask. That mark left behind by their kiss somehow seems even darker and more vivid than it did before it'd started to heal. ]
no subject
[ At the very least, he responds, even if it's so dismissive it barely counts as one. Then again, that's generally how he always responds, so it'd be foolish to expect anything else at this point.
If there's one thing that's different, though, it's that the room is remarkably cleaner than it usually is. Well, not completely clean... but all of the usual mess is confined to a single area around Oberon, a mess only recently made in the wake of the original mess being cleaned up.
Maybe he'll take credit for it... he is a liar, after all.In any case, he glances up from his usual spot on the sofa, lazily laying about like always. He can clearly see the mark on her lip, the mark that he left on her, his own personal scuff on the pretty and polished idol.
...
...stop thinking about it, idiot. ]
...don't stay out so late anymore.
[
He'll protect you. No matter what. But he can't succeed at it, not like this.]no subject
[ She's doing her best to act casual, even as she casts her eyes around the unusually tidy front room. Usually this would be her own handiwork, but it's not and there's absolutely no way Oberon did it...
So Nagiko came over here too, huh. Maybe she shouldn't be surprised. At the same time, thinking about Nagiko and Oberon having a talk even a little bit like the one she and Nagiko had kind of makes her want to sink into the ground and never be seen again?!
Despite her better judgement, though, her gaze lingers on him when it finally settles on the couch. Her gaze isn't quite the same as being subjected to a fae's searing vision but... they're a little too bright and hard to meet, even so. Especially with that soft, uncertain look on her face.
It's hard to tell what's going on in her head. But then, in a motion that seems to surprise even her, Ai visibly steels herself and turns to him. ]
Um, I... I talked to Nagiko-chan today.
no subject
Yet he keeps taking glances in her direction, unable to completely resist the pull that she has on him, whether she realizes it or not. ]
Tch... it's a small world, then. Damn author.
[ Authors have always been good at getting on his nerves, after all. ]
no subject
[ Pretty busy running back and forth between the two of them. Do they really need a mediator that badly?
... Who's she kidding. Of course they do. ]
She was asking how that fight went the other day. And I told her it was fine, but...
[ Even without being able to see the truth under her carefully chosen words, it's clear by the way her cheeks colour and her gaze slides away that she had more or less the same talk as he did. Presumably with less throwing things.
Ai swallows hard and forces herself to drag her gaze back to his. ]
... Are things really fine like this?
no subject
...of course not. Look at me. Forget using my Noble Phantasm, I'm liable to just disappear in the middle of a fight.
[ Unfortunately, it's not like saying it out loud suddenly makes his mana completely refill. If only his curse were that simple. ]
...we'll just have to lay low for a while, that's all.
no subject
But that's not exactly what Ai's concerned about. Maybe she could spend another week wasting days out of the apartment just so she doesn't have to look him in the face and honestly, she's tempted. But even if she puts this off until the mark on her mouth fades, it's not like she can just erase what they did.
The hand bearing the final stroke of her Command Seal curls into a fist, clutching the front of her shirt. ]
... I don't want you to disappear. [ Truth. ] But I... I don't know what to do.
[ Lie.
... Almost a lie, anyway. She knows. The part she can't handle is everything else that comes with it. ]
Everything's turned into such a mess.
no subject
Now here she is, knowing what they have to do to really fix this, and bringing it up even though she can't even handle what will come with it. ]
...don't.
[ He sits up, resting his chin on his hands and looking away. ]
Don't even consider it, not for me. I'd rather just disappear.
[ Lie. Of course it's a lie. Everything he says is a lie. Yet despite that, in some... inexplicable way, he also means it. Of course he doesn't want to disappear, but to go that far...
She shouldn't. This is all just a mistake, a mistake that Oberon's allowed to spiral out of control. They're compatible, but that's the problem, isn't it? What more could you expect from two liars? ]
no subject
She knows it's not that straightforward, not when Oberon says it, but the words sting even so. The person who's supposed to be here protecting her would rather vanish.
It shouldn't be a surprise. She's a troublesome Master and an even worse person. And it's not like he chose to come here and save her.
A humourless laugh jitters out of her and even to the naked eye, you can't call the smile on her face anything but a lie. ]
Aah, I guess that makes sense. I'm an idol, after all. [ "I'm so much trouble, after all." ] And I'm already causing you enough trouble as it is.
[ "I'm already dirty as it is." ]
Maybe there's... something else we can figure out. I'm just not sure what.
no subject
Shut up!! Stop saying that!!
[ He's suddenly on his feet, and in another instant, in front of her with his hands gripping her arms. ]
Only I get to say those things.
[ Because if it's him saying it, then it must be a lie. It couldn't be clearer by the way his eyes glare into hers, the way they yet again pierce through her every protection, that he's responding to the "truth" behind her words, rather than what she actually said.
The "truth", huh? Those words are even less deserving of the truth than his words are. ]
no subject
[ For a second, that prey animal panic returns to her eyes, the fear of a tiny, trembling creature of the verge of being eaten alive. She's tense under his touch and though she manages to hold his gaze for admirably long, her eyes finally drop from his and look down and away.
She really can't bear having him see her right now. ]
Sorry. [ Her smile turns thin and brittle. ] But it's all true, isn't it?
[ She's a handful. She's an idol. She's an underwhelming Master. She's an intolerably, unforgivably filthy human. ]
I know how things are supposed to go here. Somebody's supposed to win and get their wish, right? Anything they want. But I...
[ Her fragile smile cracks open and when she looks back up at him, her expression can really only be called wounded. ]
It's not like I was ever going to win. I just wanted to stay here a little longer. That's all.
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His hands continue to grip her tight. ]
Don't...
[ All he can do is tell her to stop saying those things. ]
Don't say...
[ He's gripping her tight, but... not enough to hurt anymore. In fact, his hands are trembling. ]
Don't you dare say that, damn it! You daft, greedy idol!
[ He knows what your wish is. How dare you give up on it. ]
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What good has being greedy ever done me?!
[ It's the only reason she's here, after all.
Her precious treasures, her beautiful children - Ai won't ever call them as mistake. For as many others as she's made in her life, having Aqua and Ruby might just be the one thing she can ever say she'd gotten right.
But she'd gotten too greedy. She'd wanted both when she didn't deserve to have either. Was it really such a shock that she'd ended up paying for it? ]
Of course I want to go back. Of course I want to fix things, but - is that ever really going to happen? Of course it isn't. So why should I keep pretending I can have it?
[ Her voice is shaking. Her eyes sting with the promise of tears and for a second, her inability to keep her composure makes her hate herself enough to be sick. ]
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[ He yells it out, unable to contain it any longer. He saw the way she died, the way she thought only of her children in her final moments, the way she died with her son still in her eyes.
He pulls her in, closer than she already was, and glares at her with pained eyes. ]
You're human, so act like it...! Be greedy, be selfish, pursue your happiness above all else, and struggle on like the unsightly creatures you humans are!! Idol my ass! Tell all of them that it's your wish that should be granted!!
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[ Tears break from her eyes and stream down her cheeks, an overflowing of immense frustration with nowhere else to go. Even having felt them coming, they catch her off guard and she furiously scrubs her sleeve off her eyes to try and wipe them away.
When she lowers her arm, she seems... disarmed, somehow. As though that pause for breath had given her the time to regain some control over herself.
She doesn't meet his eyes. ]
. . . Right. It must sound easy to someone like you.
[ "- something like you."
It isn't cruel or dismissive - just an acknowledgement of the gulf of difference between them. It's just as he'd said - she's human. And Oberon is...
What is he? A Servant, sure. That's already one step removed. But he talks sometimes like something very old and very tired - much more so than most of the other Servants scattered around the city.
That screaming, howling void in the sky...
Of course she would seem so unimaginably small and simple to a creature like that. ]
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[ His hands tremble again. She doesn't know. She doesn't understand. She can never understand. She must NEVER be allowed to understand what he is.
... ]
...do you want to understand?
[ There's a low growl to his voice this time, and if she bothers to glance up at him again, he'll see that his glare is far more fierce than it was before, yet... paradoxically enough, calm.
Out of everything he's ever said before, the question he asks her now is the most important so far. ]
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Stupid girl. When has she ever understood anything?
Her gaze drops and her face tips forward - her forehead presses into his shoulder and the hand she'd been gripping onto her shirt with catches the hem of his. ]
... I'm tired.
[ Of everything. Of fearing everything, resenting everything. Of wanting distance and abhorring it all the same. Needing to be held while desperately wanting him not to be kind to her.
She's tired of not understanding anything. ]
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[ His grip on her arms loosens, and a single arm wraps around to pull her in... ]
Sleep.
[ ...while the other hand gently rests on the top of her head, and in that instant, everything will go dark.
Dark, dark, dark...
She'll find herself falling, falling, falling...
...but fortunately for her, she's not falling endlessly. There's a destination, a place where she'll land. The faint sound of voices passing her by as she falls.
"Think you can forgive me just this once, especially after all we've been through together? In fact, tell you what. I apologize for everything I just said. If you'd rather, we can just forget this whole thing happened."
"Huh? U-uh, okay. Wait... huh? I don't understand, Master. It... it seemed like Oberon was being commpletely sincere just now..."
"...Stop messing with Mash."
"Why, whatever do you mean?"
"I mean, you're Oberon the Liar."
"So you DO get it. I'm so glad to hear that, Fujimaru. You're right, I'm a liar. I never told you guys the truth. Not once!"
Falling... falling... falling... until she begins to approach her destination. ]
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She doesn't know any of those voices - not the ones that aren't his, anyway. Even so, they sound familiar and she wonders if it's because the confusion, the disappointment and the frustration is just the same as what she's heard her whole life.
He's not the only one who lies, after all.
She's here to be shown something, right? She's here to understand, if she can. The prospect makes her skin prickle with anxiety. She can hardly understand other people at the best of times. How is a girl like her supposed to make any sense of him?
But she's here because she wanted to try. So she has to at least... try. ]
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Deep in within the woods, in a place far removed from anything she's seen in her life, even here in this strange Grail War... ]
When I was born, I couldn't even breathe.
Not so much as a single toe was truly alive.
[ For a second, what she sees can only be considered a beautiful sight. Laid on the ground amidst a beautiful forest was a pitiful, yet beautiful body. Basked in the morning sun's rays, surrounded by faeries. Faeries who had been bullied, persecuted, and had nowhere else to go. Faeries who believed, upon his appearance, to be that of their king. ]
KRSSTCH
[ An abrupt sound of static, and that image changed. ]
I was a rotten mass of fluid inside a chrysalis.
[ A body, thin and bony, more like a corpse than anything else... surrounded by insects that crawled and wriggled all over him. His body unmoving... no, incapable of movement. Incapable of breath. Incapable of even closing his eyes.
Information is given to her, as if it were being narrated to the audience of a play. He was born from Britain's death throes. A self-destruct device designed to destroy and take everything down with it. The embodiment of the island's own wishes... ]
KRSSTCH
[ ...taking the form of the perfect fairy-tale king, born in the perfect fairy-tale forest. The Fairy King as depicted by a famous, talented, mean-spirited author. For as long as they're born from people's desires, it doesn't matter whether the original is real or fake.
But in reality, this "Oberon" pretending to be a king was a creature composed entirely of lies.
Everything he says is untrue thanks to the underlying premise that it was all just part of a single night's revelry. A Midsummer Night's Dream, so to speak. ]
Wow, this is amazing. Everything I say or do ultimately becomes twisted.
[ "I love you" becomes "I don't love you". "I don't love you" becomes "I don't even care about you."
It's not so simple as everything becoming the opposite of what he says. No, it goes further than that. His words are simply undeserving of the truth... therefore, whatever he says must be a lie. A twisted existence, more trouble than it's worth. ]
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It's like being the unwilling participant of some miserable tragedy. A play nobody wants to perform in but find themselves trapped on stage anyway. Skittering bugs, the wet and rotting fluid of an insect's metamorphosis. Something moulded into the form of a human and forced to play pretend. A living corpse, fooling everyone into thinking its heart was ever even beating.
... Oh.
Oh, but of course- ]
Aah... Ahaha...!
[ She'd wondered from the start just what it had been that'd drawn them together. They were both liars, of course, but surely there was more to it than that. He was so powerful and so bitterly cold, unlike Ai in just about every way he could be... But she's been wrong all this time, hasn't she?
They're the same. Of course they're the same.
What is she herself if not a corpse pretending it's still living?
Something inside of her breaks. Laughter spills out of her mouth. But even as she raises her hands to her face, her voice shudders to pieces and the noise that had come out of her as laughing turns to horrible, heaving sobs instead.
She doesn't know how long it lasts. Standing in that nonexistent wood, she cries bitter, open mouthed tears for - she doesn't know what. An ancient creature born hating itself to death. A country screaming for mercy, for suicide. A priestess reduced to a slaughter animal, two girls hated and rejected by the land they were sent to grant salvation.
Maybe for the first time, she cries for herself. For the mother bleeding out in her own home and the two children whose lives will carry the reek of her corpse forever. ]
Oberon... Oberon, I...
[ Her voice comes out in gasping, desperate breaths. ]
Me too... ahaha... All this time... I've been dead all this time too.
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As she says those words, that she's been dead all this time, he appears next to her with the sound of crunching leaves. ]
...
[ It's truly no wonder he was summoned by her. No wonder why he had no choice but to answer her call.
He puts his hand around Ai's shoulder and pulls her in, wordless for now. ]
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She's shocked to feel there are any tears still left in her. Surely they should have run dry but - now that she's started, she doesn't quite know how to stop. ]
Don't disappear. [ Now more than ever, through her tears, it's an utterly desperate plea. It's more true than it's ever been. ] Please, don't go. I'm- I'm irresponsible and I'm dirty, I'm hopeless as a Master. I'm no good as a person. I know all that, but I...
[ Her wish. Her precious treasures. The one thing a corpse like her can never get back. ]
Oberon... Please help me.
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Yet again, he's allowed this to spiral out of control. He's forced her to see the gruesome parts of himself, his gruesome origins, the truth of why he—a Pretender—was summoned by her. Her tears... they are the product of her mask finally coming apart, yet... hurting her like this brings him no joy.
"This is the end, right? What's the harm in being honest with me about how you feel now?"
"Are you kidding me!? You really are an idiot, aren't you? Even I'm not this bad. I've met insects with better memories than you."
"Hey, you're the one who said you're a liar, right?"
"..."
Damn it, to be thinking of that at a time like this... he can already picture the infuriating smile that would be on that girl's face if she were to see him now. ]
...I won't.
[ He holds her tight, one hand on her back, the other on the back of her head. ]
I won't disappear... I...
[ His words catch in his throat, as if the feeling of the truth in his mouth feels wrong, but he presses on. ]
I won't let that be your truth... [ He won't let her be like him. ] I will grant your wish, no matter what...
[ He won't let anyone else do it. He will grant her wish, no matter what. He won't let her remain like him, he won't let that be true. ]
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She's selfish. She's greedy and shortsighted. She's always known that. But it's because she's all those things, desperately clawing to try and find some semblance of happiness, that she's wanted someone to say those words to her all this time. That it's okay. That her wish, the thing she wants more than anything - she can have it. They'll do it for her.
Her tears haven't stopped flowing, running rivers down her cheeks and flooding her throat. But instead of despair or sorrow, they've taken on the hue of something brighter and cleaner, different in tone but just as all-encompassing and intense.
When her voice finally surfaces again, it's with the gasping cadence of a drowning woman. ]
I don't need anything else. I don't. I just want to go back. I want to see them grow up and know who'll they'll be and I-
[ Another shudder. ]
I don't need you to say anything else but... will you promise me that I can? Even if it's not true? ... Can you promise that you won't hate me?
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