[Rinne has always been scared of his own strength. People have tucked their tails and run at the sight of what he can do, never understanding why he does it. But even when Ai squirms at the sensation of his tongue on her skin, she lets herself stay in his hold. Her hands grasp his shoulders as her voice pours out, and heat spreads across his chest and down his body like wildfire. Ai wants him here. It only makes sense to reward her.
As Rinne holds Ai close, his mouth moves down the dewy column of her neck, leaving red blooms of heat in its wake.]
I toldja not to kiss me, didn't I? You're just getting what you asked for.
[Rinne leans his back against a smooth rock for a better view. He wants Ai to be everything in his sight. His hands follow the curve of her waist as he kisses the jut of her collarbone, then her bare chest...
He makes it so that his body doesn't touch her anywhere else. He's hot under his skin, face flushed and muscles tight, but he's not about to let Ai notice that. This isn't about him.]
[ Rinne's mouth is so warm. She hadn't let herself think about what it'd be like to have him kiss her anywhere else but now that she knows, she feels so greedy and impatient for more that her chest draws tight. Rinne had always been the first person in so miserably long to reach out and touch her at all and now that it's like this... she hadn't considered for a second exactly how it might end up making her feel.
Another of those heated, approving noises rises up from her throat. She wants to be held so tight she can't breathe. She wants to be pressed up against him so close that she stops remembering what it was like to be without him. She wants...
Oh.
She wants Rinne. Really, really wants him.
Maybe she has for a while now, but she's never been so sharply or strongly aware of it. It's not just a question of sex, of being riled up and needing to be satisfied, either; she's been wanting and hungry before. She's not clean and pure. But she's never wanted it so strongly and warmly and tenderly. She's never wanted to touch someone and connect herself with them so badly before and never in quite this same way.
No - not just someone. Right now, she wants it so badly because it's Rinne. It's him or nothing. And it has been for longer than she's wanted to admit. ]
Wait... wait just a second. [ Her trembling hands curl into loose fists at his shoulders. Her voice is warm, and breathy and - needy, for him. ] You're right. This is what I was asking for. And I don't want you to stop.
[ Is that okay? Is it really alright for her to be greedy enough to ask for that? ]
But I really... I really want to do this properly. I want to be able to touch you too.
[The first time he saw Ai was behind a screen, bathed in light. At the time, he never thought he could close that distance with her, especially in the shade and under the rainy sky. Now that he can finally make her happy, he's not sure if he can bring himself to stop. Yet when Ai calls his attention, his tongue stops just short of the peak of her breast, stemming his hunger just before he lets it loose. The heat in his ears burns bright.
Ai wants to touch him?
She mentioned it earlier, but it didn't feel like it was possible. Becoming an idol was a dream he thought he could reach, but loving Ai like this? No. He never thought it was something that could ever happen to him. He's an outsider, a coward, he never gets things right...]
Are you sure?
[...so he might not fit her, especially in ways he's too ashamed to imagine.
But Ai wants this.]
I don't mind.
[And if Rinne could be honest, he might want this more than he lets on.]
[ They're not close enough in the way she wants them to be and closing the rest of that distance right here and now might be too much for her rapidly fraying restraint to handle. Instead, Ai cups his face in her hands again like she's cradling something precious, and tips her head forward to press her forehead to his.
This close, she can't see anything else but Rinne and that's enough to give her the courage to try. She can try right now because just for this trip, she's not Ai from B-Komachi. Because right now, Tokyo and Strawberry Productions and all the rest of it seems like a million miles away and the only thing that matters is here, now, right in front of her and so close that she doesn't have anywhere to run away and hide. ]
I know it's irresponsible. And I know it makes me the worst kind of idol. Nobody wants to support a girl who cheats on them, right?
[ She says it like it's a joke, but the smile on her face is just a little too sincerely guilty for it to be entirely for show. ]
But.. I don't want to worry about anything else right now. I don't even want to think about anything else. I just want you. ... Is that okay?
[There are so many things Ai should be thinking about—things that could have been avoided altogether, had she thought twice—but Rinne doesn't judge her for this. She's just following her heart, right? Something corny like that? Him, too. He tends to do that. He touches her face, closes his eyes, and as he leans in, his affection makes room for a gentler smile. The way he speaks is different. It has been for a while.]
The elders always told me I was wrong for wanting to see you, but there's nothing wrong with what we want. I've always wanted someone just for me.
[As Rinne strokes the soft curve of Ai's cheeks, he kisses her cherry lips. This is almost too easy now. He thinks he could make it a habit.]
'Course it's okay.
[Even when it isn't. Especially when it shouldn't. His people, the elders, and his father might not ever approve of a woman with children out of wedlock to be his bride, but when they are so far away, Rinne can't bring himself to care all that much. All his life, everything he's ever done has always been for love. Everything has always been for Ai.]
[ Someone just for me. When he puts it like that, something fizzes in her chest and her smile warms back into something more settled. She and Rinne really are the same, aren't they? That's what she's been looking for all along as well.
The rest they can figure out later. She'd told him, after all - if it's the two of them, they can handle it together. ]
Heehee. Rinne-kun's more pure hearted than he wants people to think, huh? [ She's teasing him but with nothing but warmth and affection. Once more, she presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. ] That's fine with me. I promise I'll take care of you.
[ ... Is it selfish if she's glad? Hypocritical, maybe? It's not that she'd be disappointed if he wasn't but... Rinne's an idol just like her. He has to serve so much of himself up to anyone who'll have him but if this can just be hers and nobody else's...
She's a greedy idol, after all. ]
Let's go back, then. [ Her sweet smile turns just a little feline. ] And I'll take care of you.
[Somehow Rinne feels hotter the moment Ai kisses his forehead again. Was he always this disgraceful? He doesn't want her to think he's only here for one thing, or worse, that he's here for nothing at all. He purses his lips into a line. It's best that he control himself now. She says she wants him, but does she know how much he wants to give her? She might not like it. On most days, he's afraid of his own strength. On the rest, he doesn't feel strong enough.
He wears the same shy frown all the way back to their room, holding her hand tightly all the while. If Ai ever says anything, he answers in nothing but curt, quiet hums of acknowledgement. The doors slides and swings shut behind them, and when they make it to their two spreads of futon on the floor, only then does he finally speak.]
I'll always love you.
[Has he ever said that before? Always? He feels like it should have been implied.]
[ Ten whole tatami mats had seemed like a lot of space before but now it feels like hardly anything at all. Barely even enough to breathe. But that's fine with Ai - breathing room would just be a waste with what she wants right now. Rinne's hand in hers is like an anchor, keeping her grounded even when she feels like she's on the verge of floating off into the stars and when he finally speaks up again, Ai squeezes it gently. Just once, as reassurance. ]
Mm. I know.
[ She thinks she does, anyway. Rinne's always been so persistent and so warm but... she still hasn't said it back. She still hasn't told him everything. Before they do this, she should give him a chance to back out, shouldn't she?
Ai turns to him, properly. Like before, her smile is just a little troubled. ]
... I've always really wished somebody would. Properly, I mean. Even all the parts that are dirty and wrong. ... Especially those parts. All I've ever wanted is for somebody to see all that and tell me it's okay. That they accept me.
[ She doesn't want him to tell her she's perfect. That she's untarnished and pretty and pure. Because what happens then when that inevitably changes? Where would she be then?
She knows Rinne doesn't need her to be flawless. It's okay for her to be weak and small and pathetic in front of him. But...
Just once, she wants to hear someone say it. ]
I really... really want that person to be you, Rinne-kun.
[Rinne's lips part, his shyness suddenly foolish in the face of her honesty. If Ai can finally tell Rinne what she needs, then there's no need to hold back now, is there? There's no need to pretend he isn't anything like her—just as weak, and just as small—so he pulls her close. He needs this just as much as she does.]
You're okay.
[He doesn't know everything about her, and what he does know, she can tell him in due time. It's only fair. After all, she hasn't asked him for anything, either — where he's from, what he is, or how much nothing he has to his name. For that, he holds her tighter.]
You can bleed on me all you want. You're okay.
[Because this isn't just what a monarch or an older brother has to do. How he feels about Ai exists beyond that.]
[ For just a second, it feels like her ears are ringing. Bundled up in Rinne's arms, pressed against him and knowing he's strong enough to prop her up if she falters, that he'll do it even if she doesn't ask him to — it should soften the blow. But it doesn't. Her heart suddenly picks up its pace and she recognizes that it's fear making her pulse thunder like that. Fear that it might not be real. How are you supposed to feel when the thing you've been looking for all your life gets shoved into your hands like this?
A shudder goes through her and she presses her face into his shoulder. All of a sudden, it feels like she has permission to— to laugh or cry. To breathe. It feels like for the first time in her life, she's been given permission to be here. ]
Rinne-kun. [ She says his name again to remind herself he's really here. Or maybe just to say it. And then without her even thinking about it at all, rising up and out of her like a breath— ] I love you.
Her breath catches. Stalls in her throat. The ringing in her ears is even louder this time and for a frightening moment, she waits for the oily guilt of a lie to seep into her belly... but it doesn't. All she feels is her heart still pounding and some sense of fear that makes her lightheaded and-
Lying is easy. It's telling the truth that's the scary part. So if her heart's racing, if it felt so different to say it this time, then that must mean she really- ]
I finally... [ Her voice breaks. Tears and laughter at the same time and her fingers curl into fists, bunching into the fabric of his yukata, clinging onto him like she's terrified of what might happen if she lets go. ] I finally said it...!
[ She pulls back, just barely enough to look up at him. With her eyes and her face both shining with tears, the smile she gives him can only be called radiant. ]
I'm sorry. You've been saying it to me all this time and I could never say it back. But I love you. I really, really do love you.
Rinne's chest grows tight. Suddenly, all those little worries and doubts he never thought he had are as light as a feather, swept away by the autumn breeze and rain. Loving someone was all he ever wanted to do—what he was born to do—but he couldn't just ask someone to love him back. Rulers don't do that. Weaklings do. Becoming an idol was his dream—he could love everyone and ask for their love, and everyone would return it wholeheartedly. Then he learned that his idol couldn't feel love at all.
What happened next was nothing special. It was the least he could do. Was this the result of all that?
Rinne rubs her eyes dry with his thumbs and cradles her face in his hands. They might be rougher than hers, but they're there. ]
What, were you scared of lying to me, too? [ He laughs. ] But I've been eating up your lies ever since your debut.
[ He presses his forehead against Ai's and whispers in a volume meant just for her: ]
You don't have to apologize for that, Ai. I already knew.
[ Ever since she showed him that picture of her with her children, he always knew. And now, with everything he's ever wanted smiling so beautifully in his arms, he can't help but pour his heart out. ]
I've always wanted someone to love a wreck like me, too.
[ Their next kiss is deep and hot. Rinne's heart hasn't stopped racing since, and he can only thank the rain for singing over the sound of it. ]
[ Rinne really is just like her, then. She's known it for a while and they've both let it slip in so many little ways but she'd been so hesitant to believe it for fear of being let down - not by Rinne but by her own expectations. Here and now, though, she can finally stop being scared.
And more importantly, she can finally kiss him the way she wanted to before. Knowing that she's loved and she loves him the same way and that they're away from any prying eyes, she can stop worrying about controlling herself.
So she won't.
Her arms wind around his neck so she can pull him in a little closer and step fully into his arms again. Like this, pressed up close together, she's made very, very aware of how hard and warm Rinne's body is and it sends a pleasant woosh of warmth up to her face like a kettle gushing steam. She nips at his mouth, teeth catching his bottom lip just barely enough to sting and be soothed by the sweep of her tongue.
She... really doesn't want to control herself when it comes to Rinne right now. ]
Mm- lay down, okay? [ Her voice comes out in a pleasant hum between their mouths, low and warm. ] I've been a good girl and waited this long but I want to touch you properly.
[ Ai's kiss catches him off guard and draws a soft sound out of him. He's never made a sound like that. At least, not when anyone could hear him. Again, his breath shudders at the thought of what they're about to do. The girl of his dreams, giving herself to him? The girl on that stage, reaching out to the boy watching her through that screen? Now that's not what he's here for. This trip is not just about that.
But it's not like he's never thought about it. ]
Okay.
[ There's no need to fight this anymore, so Rinne does as he's told. He's still not sure why Ai would truly want someone like him, but Ai deserves this, and he's selfish enough to accept it. It's just that old habits die hard, and when faced with something unfamiliar, he folds. ]
Sorry...
[ Because once Ai sees Rinne for what he is, she will find how quickly the desire she's given him has spread under his yukata—hot, thick and hard—and his body will hurt her when the time comes. He's not usually so undignified. He doesn't mean any disrespect. He's just never felt so vulnerable before, and it's taking every single bone in his body to keep himself still. He loves Ai. He's not stupid enough to screw this up.
[ He's all tense. She'd felt it a little back in the bath but she'd thought that being back here would ease it a little bit. If anything, it's worse - and maybe that makes sense. He's nervous, obviously. But it makes her a little sad to see him so totally unable to relax. ]
It's okay. [ She follows him down, her voice gentle and her touch equally so when her hand settles on his chest. Her heart's in her throat but it's not bad in the least. ] If it's too much or too fast, just tell me.
[ She wants this to feel good, after all. Even if she would be even more of a liar than usual to say that Rinne's sweetly overwhelmed expression wasn't something she wanted to see more of. She leans in to kiss him as her hand eases down his body, over his chest, tracing the lines of muscle on his stomach - Rinne must work hard to be this strong, huh...
She nips at his mouth again just as her hand slides under his yukata and- ]
... Ah. [ What can only be called a smug smile tugs up the corners of her mouth. Even more than before, she suddenly looks like a cat that's just getting ready to pounce. She slips her hand the rest of the way in and carefully curls her fingers around him. ] So it's like this already, huh?
[ Not that she's complaining in the least. ...Guys who talk the kind of talk Rinne does aren't supposed to be able to actually back it up like this, though?! ]
[ At least Ai likes what she sees. She seems to, anyway. Rinne, too. Although Ai's gaze locks with his blue eyes the moment they kiss, it can only hold his attention for so long when her hand touches where it does. His eyes wander from her cherry blossom lips to the manicured hand down his chest, then to her own chest, where he can see a peek of her cleavage behind her loose blue yukata. What is he supposed to do with his hands? He had been so certain before, but she has the upper hand now. She fills his senses with the sound of her voice and the scent of her shampoo and the smooth sliding of her milky skin—
He's not dreaming, is he? This should be the part where he wakes up and snaps back to reality. But there is no rude awakening, no sharp pain or loud sound that pulls him out of the moment. It's just Ai and the dip of her touch between his thighs. He gasps— ]
Fuck, [ he whispers behind his knuckles. Her hand is softer than he's used to. ] Shut up. I can't help it. You're so fucking hot.
[ Is that okay to say? He's said it about them, but never about her. ]
[ She never hears that kind of thing, does she? As an idol, she's pretty and cute and sweet and a whole bunch of other inoffensive adjectives. Hot isn't something she's allowed to be, especially not for B-Komachi. When Rinne says it so breathlessly and it's making him feel like this, though... she really likes it.
She kisses him again — his cheek this time and then the corner of his eye as she strokes him, slow and easy. Slow is better when it's someone's first time, right? Even if she's itching to make him feel all warm and melting just the way she had before.
Her lips find their way to his ear and she kisses him there, too. And just for a little extra payback, she blows a puff of air right into it as well. Not that her low, breathy voice is any better. ]
You're still too tense. [ Another kiss, her breath hot against his ear. ] It's okay. Just tell me what you want.
[ Rinne's ears burn with an intensely pleasant shame. He trembles again, and so does his breath on every stroke. Every twist of the sheets in his fist is a futile attempt at keeping himself in check. Ai knows what she's doing, but does she know what she's asking for? Only those with true strength know when to use it, and Rinne doesn't want to embarrass himself with his ignorance. It's bad enough that she's talked him into this. If he makes a mistake and she never wants to do this again, how is he supposed to live with that?
If she wants to know what he wants, then maybe he can start by letting go of the sheets. He reaches for her sash to tug it loose. The cloth unwinds and the layers unfurl, then as he slides his hand around her waist: ]
I want to touch you, too.
[ Slowly, shyly, his touch begins to follow her curves. When his thumb finds her breast, he fills the rest of his palm with the supple weight of it, and he muffles the voice she lets out with another kiss. ]
[ She'd been completely undressed in the bath — they both had been — and Rinne's technically already seen and touched her bare skin. Even so... something about having him pull the sash of her yukata loose, undress her enough to slide his hand under her clothes and stroke along her skin is so intimate it brings a sweet, warm flush to her face. The noise of approval she makes is a rough edged little sigh against his lips and her fingers close around him that bit tighter, her thumb dragging slow, teasing circles over the tip.
She's been touched like this before, but it's completely different coming from Rinne, nothing at all like being grabbed at half-heartedly for someone else's satisfaction. His hands are so strong and warm that just having them on her sends a pleasant shudder up her back. ]
Your hand feels really good. [ She murmurs that into his mouth, her voice warm and encouraging. ] So touch me anyplace you want to.
[ That moment in the bath felt like a dream, though. It's hard to believe he ever left it. The movement of her hand is nothing like he's ever let himself feel, when Ai sighs like she actually wants this too, Rinne clenches his jaw, stretches his neck and swallows hard. A more guttural moan leaves his throat. This is what he warned Ai about. This is what he wanted to wait for. Not because he doesn't want it, but because if he gets a taste of it now, he's certain he'll never be able to stop. And Rinne Amagi of the city was never one for stopping, was he?
So against his better judgement, his hand wanders. It glides down her hips, past her smooth belly, and dips into the space between her thighs. ]
You're not gonna tell me how?
[ A finger traces her folds, rubbing curiously at the hard pebble of her clit when he finds it. ]
[ The noise that rises out of her at his touch is breathy and honest, completely free of all of her usual practiced polish. It's the sort of sweet, eager noise she could only ever make for Rinne and though their bodies are already so close as it is, her hips instinctively twitch into his fingers, wanting more friction. It's a light enough touch to almost feel like a tease but it's making her feel all melty, the heat and desire he'd worked her up to in the bath melting and diffusing into her veins like honey. ]
Do I really need to? [ Her tone is sweetly plaintive but when she glances up at him, her gaze is a challenge. ] I already liked it before. I want to know how it feels when you touch me however you want.
[ A moment later, she tilts her head to nuzzle into the curve of Rinne's shoulder, nipping gently at the smooth line of his throat as the lazy, steady pace of her hand picks up just slightly. ]
You already like it when I do the same for you. Right?
Yes, he does. Rinne sighs and shakes and swears under his breath because he likes it when he lets Ai do whatever she wants. He doesn't tell her what to do. It feels better that way. It feels honest. It feels real. Ai nips at his neck and he can count on her to mean it. This isn't just a moment of weakness. It's a culmination of every glance and laugh and hope they've shared and haven't shared, all coming together to strip away what has been keeping them apart. And when Ai looks up at him from a distance he thought he could only witness in his dreams, it doesn't take long for Rinne to fall in.
He pins her shoulder to the futon and works his way down, making no effort to hide the wet sound of his hungry lips taking her breast in. He hums into her skin. His tongue swirls around the tender peak in warm loose circuits as he slides his digits between her wet folds, never quite letting her take him to the knuckle. Not yet. She's not ready yet. But if she can give her undivided attention to every part of him, then he should be able to do the same. It's only fair—
No. This was never about fairness.
When he sucks on her tit, he tugs with his sharp teeth. Then, the moment passes by so quickly she could almost miss it, but he meets her starry gaze with his blue eyes and flashes her a devilish smile.]
So fucking cute.
[For a minute, Rinne lets himself forget. He can't remember where they are. He can't remember if they were supposed to do something else after this. He doesn't even care if Ai is still touching him. All that matters now are how tight she is around his fingers and how much of her he can savor in his mouth.]
[ When Ai's voice comes rushing out this time, it's a moan - not quite a whine but close, a shameless noise she lets rise in a trembling little wave. The low, thrumming warmth between her thighs intensifies, heat and the most lovely sort of ache blooming between the smooth, firm slide of Rinne's fingers. It sends more trembles up the length of her spine and she doesn't even try not to rock her hips into his fingers or to press herself more firmly into the heat of his mouth. That this is Rinne touching her like this, making her feel this good... she almost can't catch her breath.
When his teeth scrape her skin, Ai's back arches and she curls around him. Another moan pours out of her but this time it takes the shape of words. ]
Rinne-kun... [ Voiced like that, his name takes on the tone of a plea. Or maybe another challenge. ] You're really not fair. I didn't tease you like that, did I?
[ That's what she says, but... as if to remind him, the fingers that had been stroking slow, firm circles suddenly sink lower to the base of his dick, tighten just enough to squeeze then stroke back up along the thick length of him. She does it again, each firm drag of her hand a drawn-out tease. See? She can be mean too. ]
Aah, but I almost forgot... Rinne-kun's pretty weak to teasing.
[Rinne lets go of her breast and hisses through his teeth. The growl low in his chest thins into a whine that breaks in his throat. Another slow stroke, and he rests his head on her pillow. He can't help it. This is new.]
Shut up. Serves you right. You're always teasing me...
[He swallows, but the rest of his saliva trickles down his chin if not onto Ai's skin, and he's not sure how he's supposed to come back from this. They've practically burnt this shameless scene into each other's minds: their bodies on top of one another, skin slick with sweat and spit. Ai's seen all of Rinne now. She'll be living with that forever. Rinne, too—after hearing her confession and listening to her moan, he doesn't think he can ever look at her the same way again. He has to make her his.
When Ai slides the ring of her fingers down his cock, Rinne pumps his fingers in deeper, drawing tighter circles and matching her careful pace. This way, they can at least close their eyes and pretend—if that's what Ai wants. Because now that Rinne's been caught off guard, he's also sobering up. And when Rinne sobers up, he starts thinking again.]
Besides, what if— [He bites his lip. He knows he shouldn't make her think about anything, but he has enough sense to be a little responsible.] You'd hate it if I came inside, wouldn't you? So...
[So if he can make her come with his fingers, that should be just as good. Right? She can be satisfied with that, right?
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no subject
As Rinne holds Ai close, his mouth moves down the dewy column of her neck, leaving red blooms of heat in its wake.]
I toldja not to kiss me, didn't I? You're just getting what you asked for.
[Rinne leans his back against a smooth rock for a better view. He wants Ai to be everything in his sight. His hands follow the curve of her waist as he kisses the jut of her collarbone, then her bare chest...
He makes it so that his body doesn't touch her anywhere else. He's hot under his skin, face flushed and muscles tight, but he's not about to let Ai notice that. This isn't about him.]
no subject
Another of those heated, approving noises rises up from her throat. She wants to be held so tight she can't breathe. She wants to be pressed up against him so close that she stops remembering what it was like to be without him. She wants...
Oh.
She wants Rinne. Really, really wants him.
Maybe she has for a while now, but she's never been so sharply or strongly aware of it. It's not just a question of sex, of being riled up and needing to be satisfied, either; she's been wanting and hungry before. She's not clean and pure. But she's never wanted it so strongly and warmly and tenderly. She's never wanted to touch someone and connect herself with them so badly before and never in quite this same way.
No - not just someone. Right now, she wants it so badly because it's Rinne. It's him or nothing. And it has been for longer than she's wanted to admit. ]
Wait... wait just a second. [ Her trembling hands curl into loose fists at his shoulders. Her voice is warm, and breathy and - needy, for him. ] You're right. This is what I was asking for. And I don't want you to stop.
[ Is that okay? Is it really alright for her to be greedy enough to ask for that? ]
But I really... I really want to do this properly. I want to be able to touch you too.
no subject
Ai wants to touch him?
She mentioned it earlier, but it didn't feel like it was possible. Becoming an idol was a dream he thought he could reach, but loving Ai like this? No. He never thought it was something that could ever happen to him. He's an outsider, a coward, he never gets things right...]
Are you sure?
[...so he might not fit her, especially in ways he's too ashamed to imagine.
But Ai wants this.]
I don't mind.
[And if Rinne could be honest, he might want this more than he lets on.]
no subject
[ They're not close enough in the way she wants them to be and closing the rest of that distance right here and now might be too much for her rapidly fraying restraint to handle. Instead, Ai cups his face in her hands again like she's cradling something precious, and tips her head forward to press her forehead to his.
This close, she can't see anything else but Rinne and that's enough to give her the courage to try. She can try right now because just for this trip, she's not Ai from B-Komachi. Because right now, Tokyo and Strawberry Productions and all the rest of it seems like a million miles away and the only thing that matters is here, now, right in front of her and so close that she doesn't have anywhere to run away and hide. ]
I know it's irresponsible. And I know it makes me the worst kind of idol. Nobody wants to support a girl who cheats on them, right?
[ She says it like it's a joke, but the smile on her face is just a little too sincerely guilty for it to be entirely for show. ]
But.. I don't want to worry about anything else right now. I don't even want to think about anything else. I just want you. ... Is that okay?
1/2
The elders always told me I was wrong for wanting to see you, but there's nothing wrong with what we want. I've always wanted someone just for me.
[As Rinne strokes the soft curve of Ai's cheeks, he kisses her cherry lips. This is almost too easy now. He thinks he could make it a habit.]
'Course it's okay.
[Even when it isn't. Especially when it shouldn't. His people, the elders, and his father might not ever approve of a woman with children out of wedlock to be his bride, but when they are so far away, Rinne can't bring himself to care all that much. All his life, everything he's ever done has always been for love. Everything has always been for Ai.]
no subject
It'll be my first time, though...
no subject
The rest they can figure out later. She'd told him, after all - if it's the two of them, they can handle it together. ]
Heehee. Rinne-kun's more pure hearted than he wants people to think, huh? [ She's teasing him but with nothing but warmth and affection. Once more, she presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. ] That's fine with me. I promise I'll take care of you.
[ ... Is it selfish if she's glad? Hypocritical, maybe? It's not that she'd be disappointed if he wasn't but... Rinne's an idol just like her. He has to serve so much of himself up to anyone who'll have him but if this can just be hers and nobody else's...
She's a greedy idol, after all. ]
Let's go back, then. [ Her sweet smile turns just a little feline. ] And I'll take care of you.
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He wears the same shy frown all the way back to their room, holding her hand tightly all the while. If Ai ever says anything, he answers in nothing but curt, quiet hums of acknowledgement. The doors slides and swings shut behind them, and when they make it to their two spreads of futon on the floor, only then does he finally speak.]
I'll always love you.
[Has he ever said that before? Always? He feels like it should have been implied.]
You know that, right?
[Mostly, though, he's just stalling.]
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Mm. I know.
[ She thinks she does, anyway. Rinne's always been so persistent and so warm but... she still hasn't said it back. She still hasn't told him everything. Before they do this, she should give him a chance to back out, shouldn't she?
Ai turns to him, properly. Like before, her smile is just a little troubled. ]
... I've always really wished somebody would. Properly, I mean. Even all the parts that are dirty and wrong. ... Especially those parts. All I've ever wanted is for somebody to see all that and tell me it's okay. That they accept me.
[ She doesn't want him to tell her she's perfect. That she's untarnished and pretty and pure. Because what happens then when that inevitably changes? Where would she be then?
She knows Rinne doesn't need her to be flawless. It's okay for her to be weak and small and pathetic in front of him. But...
Just once, she wants to hear someone say it. ]
I really... really want that person to be you, Rinne-kun.
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You're okay.
[He doesn't know everything about her, and what he does know, she can tell him in due time. It's only fair. After all, she hasn't asked him for anything, either — where he's from, what he is, or how much nothing he has to his name. For that, he holds her tighter.]
You can bleed on me all you want. You're okay.
[Because this isn't just what a monarch or an older brother has to do. How he feels about Ai exists beyond that.]
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A shudder goes through her and she presses her face into his shoulder. All of a sudden, it feels like she has permission to— to laugh or cry. To breathe. It feels like for the first time in her life, she's been given permission to be here. ]
Rinne-kun. [ She says his name again to remind herself he's really here. Or maybe just to say it. And then without her even thinking about it at all, rising up and out of her like a breath— ] I love you.
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Ah.
Her breath catches. Stalls in her throat. The ringing in her ears is even louder this time and for a frightening moment, she waits for the oily guilt of a lie to seep into her belly... but it doesn't. All she feels is her heart still pounding and some sense of fear that makes her lightheaded and-
Lying is easy. It's telling the truth that's the scary part. So if her heart's racing, if it felt so different to say it this time, then that must mean she really- ]
I finally... [ Her voice breaks. Tears and laughter at the same time and her fingers curl into fists, bunching into the fabric of his yukata, clinging onto him like she's terrified of what might happen if she lets go. ] I finally said it...!
[ She pulls back, just barely enough to look up at him. With her eyes and her face both shining with tears, the smile she gives him can only be called radiant. ]
I'm sorry. You've been saying it to me all this time and I could never say it back. But I love you. I really, really do love you.
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Oh.
Rinne's chest grows tight. Suddenly, all those little worries and doubts he never thought he had are as light as a feather, swept away by the autumn breeze and rain. Loving someone was all he ever wanted to do—what he was born to do—but he couldn't just ask someone to love him back. Rulers don't do that. Weaklings do. Becoming an idol was his dream—he could love everyone and ask for their love, and everyone would return it wholeheartedly. Then he learned that his idol couldn't feel love at all.
What happened next was nothing special. It was the least he could do. Was this the result of all that?
Rinne rubs her eyes dry with his thumbs and cradles her face in his hands. They might be rougher than hers, but they're there. ]
What, were you scared of lying to me, too? [ He laughs. ] But I've been eating up your lies ever since your debut.
[ He presses his forehead against Ai's and whispers in a volume meant just for her: ]
You don't have to apologize for that, Ai. I already knew.
[ Ever since she showed him that picture of her with her children, he always knew. And now, with everything he's ever wanted smiling so beautifully in his arms, he can't help but pour his heart out. ]
I've always wanted someone to love a wreck like me, too.
[ Their next kiss is deep and hot. Rinne's heart hasn't stopped racing since, and he can only thank the rain for singing over the sound of it. ]
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And more importantly, she can finally kiss him the way she wanted to before. Knowing that she's loved and she loves him the same way and that they're away from any prying eyes, she can stop worrying about controlling herself.
So she won't.
Her arms wind around his neck so she can pull him in a little closer and step fully into his arms again. Like this, pressed up close together, she's made very, very aware of how hard and warm Rinne's body is and it sends a pleasant woosh of warmth up to her face like a kettle gushing steam. She nips at his mouth, teeth catching his bottom lip just barely enough to sting and be soothed by the sweep of her tongue.
She... really doesn't want to control herself when it comes to Rinne right now. ]
Mm- lay down, okay? [ Her voice comes out in a pleasant hum between their mouths, low and warm. ] I've been a good girl and waited this long but I want to touch you properly.
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But it's not like he's never thought about it. ]
Okay.
[ There's no need to fight this anymore, so Rinne does as he's told. He's still not sure why Ai would truly want someone like him, but Ai deserves this, and he's selfish enough to accept it. It's just that old habits die hard, and when faced with something unfamiliar, he folds. ]
Sorry...
[ Because once Ai sees Rinne for what he is, she will find how quickly the desire she's given him has spread under his yukata—hot, thick and hard—and his body will hurt her when the time comes. He's not usually so undignified. He doesn't mean any disrespect. He's just never felt so vulnerable before, and it's taking every single bone in his body to keep himself still. He loves Ai. He's not stupid enough to screw this up.
But God, how he wants to. ]
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It's okay. [ She follows him down, her voice gentle and her touch equally so when her hand settles on his chest. Her heart's in her throat but it's not bad in the least. ] If it's too much or too fast, just tell me.
[ She wants this to feel good, after all. Even if she would be even more of a liar than usual to say that Rinne's sweetly overwhelmed expression wasn't something she wanted to see more of. She leans in to kiss him as her hand eases down his body, over his chest, tracing the lines of muscle on his stomach - Rinne must work hard to be this strong, huh...
She nips at his mouth again just as her hand slides under his yukata and- ]
... Ah. [ What can only be called a smug smile tugs up the corners of her mouth. Even more than before, she suddenly looks like a cat that's just getting ready to pounce. She slips her hand the rest of the way in and carefully curls her fingers around him. ] So it's like this already, huh?
[ Not that she's complaining in the least. ...Guys who talk the kind of talk Rinne does aren't supposed to be able to actually back it up like this, though?! ]
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He's not dreaming, is he? This should be the part where he wakes up and snaps back to reality. But there is no rude awakening, no sharp pain or loud sound that pulls him out of the moment. It's just Ai and the dip of her touch between his thighs. He gasps— ]
Fuck, [ he whispers behind his knuckles. Her hand is softer than he's used to. ] Shut up. I can't help it. You're so fucking hot.
[ Is that okay to say? He's said it about them, but never about her. ]
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[ She never hears that kind of thing, does she? As an idol, she's pretty and cute and sweet and a whole bunch of other inoffensive adjectives. Hot isn't something she's allowed to be, especially not for B-Komachi. When Rinne says it so breathlessly and it's making him feel like this, though... she really likes it.
She kisses him again — his cheek this time and then the corner of his eye as she strokes him, slow and easy. Slow is better when it's someone's first time, right? Even if she's itching to make him feel all warm and melting just the way she had before.
Her lips find their way to his ear and she kisses him there, too. And just for a little extra payback, she blows a puff of air right into it as well. Not that her low, breathy voice is any better. ]
You're still too tense. [ Another kiss, her breath hot against his ear. ] It's okay. Just tell me what you want.
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If she wants to know what he wants, then maybe he can start by letting go of the sheets. He reaches for her sash to tug it loose. The cloth unwinds and the layers unfurl, then as he slides his hand around her waist: ]
I want to touch you, too.
[ Slowly, shyly, his touch begins to follow her curves. When his thumb finds her breast, he fills the rest of his palm with the supple weight of it, and he muffles the voice she lets out with another kiss. ]
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She's been touched like this before, but it's completely different coming from Rinne, nothing at all like being grabbed at half-heartedly for someone else's satisfaction. His hands are so strong and warm that just having them on her sends a pleasant shudder up her back. ]
Your hand feels really good. [ She murmurs that into his mouth, her voice warm and encouraging. ] So touch me anyplace you want to.
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So against his better judgement, his hand wanders. It glides down her hips, past her smooth belly, and dips into the space between her thighs. ]
You're not gonna tell me how?
[ A finger traces her folds, rubbing curiously at the hard pebble of her clit when he finds it. ]
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[ The noise that rises out of her at his touch is breathy and honest, completely free of all of her usual practiced polish. It's the sort of sweet, eager noise she could only ever make for Rinne and though their bodies are already so close as it is, her hips instinctively twitch into his fingers, wanting more friction. It's a light enough touch to almost feel like a tease but it's making her feel all melty, the heat and desire he'd worked her up to in the bath melting and diffusing into her veins like honey. ]
Do I really need to? [ Her tone is sweetly plaintive but when she glances up at him, her gaze is a challenge. ] I already liked it before. I want to know how it feels when you touch me however you want.
[ A moment later, she tilts her head to nuzzle into the curve of Rinne's shoulder, nipping gently at the smooth line of his throat as the lazy, steady pace of her hand picks up just slightly. ]
You already like it when I do the same for you. Right?
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Yes, he does. Rinne sighs and shakes and swears under his breath because he likes it when he lets Ai do whatever she wants. He doesn't tell her what to do. It feels better that way. It feels honest. It feels real. Ai nips at his neck and he can count on her to mean it. This isn't just a moment of weakness. It's a culmination of every glance and laugh and hope they've shared and haven't shared, all coming together to strip away what has been keeping them apart. And when Ai looks up at him from a distance he thought he could only witness in his dreams, it doesn't take long for Rinne to fall in.
He pins her shoulder to the futon and works his way down, making no effort to hide the wet sound of his hungry lips taking her breast in. He hums into her skin. His tongue swirls around the tender peak in warm loose circuits as he slides his digits between her wet folds, never quite letting her take him to the knuckle. Not yet. She's not ready yet. But if she can give her undivided attention to every part of him, then he should be able to do the same. It's only fair—
No. This was never about fairness.
When he sucks on her tit, he tugs with his sharp teeth. Then, the moment passes by so quickly she could almost miss it, but he meets her starry gaze with his blue eyes and flashes her a devilish smile.]
So fucking cute.
[For a minute, Rinne lets himself forget. He can't remember where they are. He can't remember if they were supposed to do something else after this. He doesn't even care if Ai is still touching him. All that matters now are how tight she is around his fingers and how much of her he can savor in his mouth.]
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When his teeth scrape her skin, Ai's back arches and she curls around him. Another moan pours out of her but this time it takes the shape of words. ]
Rinne-kun... [ Voiced like that, his name takes on the tone of a plea. Or maybe another challenge. ] You're really not fair. I didn't tease you like that, did I?
[ That's what she says, but... as if to remind him, the fingers that had been stroking slow, firm circles suddenly sink lower to the base of his dick, tighten just enough to squeeze then stroke back up along the thick length of him. She does it again, each firm drag of her hand a drawn-out tease. See? She can be mean too. ]
Aah, but I almost forgot... Rinne-kun's pretty weak to teasing.
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Shut up. Serves you right. You're always teasing me...
[He swallows, but the rest of his saliva trickles down his chin if not onto Ai's skin, and he's not sure how he's supposed to come back from this. They've practically burnt this shameless scene into each other's minds: their bodies on top of one another, skin slick with sweat and spit. Ai's seen all of Rinne now. She'll be living with that forever. Rinne, too—after hearing her confession and listening to her moan, he doesn't think he can ever look at her the same way again. He has to make her his.
When Ai slides the ring of her fingers down his cock, Rinne pumps his fingers in deeper, drawing tighter circles and matching her careful pace. This way, they can at least close their eyes and pretend—if that's what Ai wants. Because now that Rinne's been caught off guard, he's also sobering up. And when Rinne sobers up, he starts thinking again.]
Besides, what if— [He bites his lip. He knows he shouldn't make her think about anything, but he has enough sense to be a little responsible.] You'd hate it if I came inside, wouldn't you? So...
[So if he can make her come with his fingers, that should be just as good. Right? She can be satisfied with that, right?
Right?]
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