[ Yeah, I am, Rinne almost tells her. That's why you're my favorite. But Ai takes him by the hand and all he wanted to say scatters to the wind. In its place is a new word.
Together? ]
Yeah, together.
[ Ai said it before, but it takes another try before Rinne finally decides — he likes the sound of doing things together. He likes it so much, it makes him smile even warmer than ever.
Soon they reach the stone bath, and as Rinne holds onto Ai's hand, he is the first to enter. He helps her in right after. ]
Watch your step, alright? The water's hot enough to cook ya. Hehe, but that just means there's more food for me☆
[ She's seen photos of the outdoor bath on the ryokan's website but seeing it in person is something else. With the air so chilly and the rain still pounding outside the boundary of the roof and the fence, it feels a little otherworldly. The ryokan was already a whole world of its own away from Tokyo but this feels like a little world for just her and Rinne.
She follows him in tentatively, fingers curled tight around his hand the only betrayal of her worry she might slip and slowly eases into the water. It's definitely hot, hot enough to sting — but what comes out of Ai's mouth is a particularly undignified noise of appreciation. ]
Waah, this feels even better than I thought it would...! [ She immediately sinks all the way down to her neck, stray ends of her tied up hair trailing in the water. If she notices, she doesn't seem to mind at all. ] This is so, so, so much better than a regular bathtub...!
[ She has not, incidentally, let go of Rinne's hand yet. ]
[ Cute. Ai's never like this on camera. Looking at Ai alone makes Rinne forget he's even here. He could spend the whole three days just watching her enjoy herself like this, eyes sparkling with joy and childlike wonder, and he'd be thoroughly satisfied with just that. As for him, he's still standing, not quite ready to let go in every sense of the word.
But part of him wants to be selfish. ]
Right? But stay in here for too long, and you're gonna pass out. Be careful.
[ He sinks into the water up to his neck too, knees probably bending a little more than hers as he steadily grips her hand. He laughs when he meets her at eye level. That almost never happens. ]
Kyahaha! I gotta admit, I missed this. When we get married, we gotta find a tub that fits us both.
[ When, he says — like he always says. It occurs to Ai with another of those thunks down into her stomach that after all this, she might have to give him a proper answer instead of dancing around acknowledging the question altogether. And it wouldn't just be her and Rinne's feelings to think about if she did, would it? Putting aside whatever trouble it would or wouldn't cause for Strawberry Productions and B-Komachi, there's two little troublemakers she needs to tell Rinne about. Properly this time.
She looks up at him, laughing all over his face and makes herself a little promise: if she can say it tonight and she knows it's not a lie... she'll tell him.
Her fingers lace themselves through his under the water. ]
Did I ever tell you I almost got a sponsorship for one of those? [ She says it with a giggle, letting her head tip to rest on his shoulder. If they're sat this close then that's fine, right? ] Some company who does luxury baths made a big thing about wanting to install one for me, so long as I did a promotion for it. I remember watching the Prez nodding along while the guy was talking right up until he said something about a photoshoot... next thing I know, he's getting hauled out the office by his collar! I didn't even know President Saitou had that kind of arm strength!
[Rinne hears "sponsorship" and "luxury bath" and it doesn't take longer than a second for it to click. He clicks his tongue and scowls.]
Serves him right. What the hell was that perv tryna pull, talking you into a gig like that?
[Of course President Saitou wouldn't allow it. If he loved Ai like family, he'd never let her do anything like that! Rinne wouldn't have let her do that. Not unless she was ready. Not unless she wanted to. But she's here now, letting him see the parts of her no fan would ever get to see. The stray locks of hair that float in the water, her bare shoulders just below the surface, her stories and her thoughts that no one else ever bothered to ask her for — all of that is for him and him alone.
His heart beats faster than the rain's pitter-patter on the rooftop. Her head is touching his bare shoulder, and if this were his village, he's sure they'd punish him a little more than they'd punish her. He never did get what was so wrong about it, though. He liked the intimacy. No one, be it in the city or that village, had ever tried to be this close.]
It's the first time I heard about that. You're lucky you got someone lookin' out for ya. [Under the water, he balls his hands into nervous fists.] I bet Prez Saitou would be mad at me.
[The kids would be. Especially the kids.]
I gotta make a good impression when we get back...
[Rinne's the one who usually tells Ai to live in the moment, but right now, he's not sure if he can do that himself. There's a lot to think about before he can do what's been on his mind since her lips touched his.]
Heehee. If it makes you feel any better, he'd definitely lecture us both. When he's got something to give you an earful about, he really goes for it.
[ Ai would know. It's years later and she still remembers clear as day the look of ice cold dread and disappointment on his face when she'd admitted to him what had been going on under his nose and the absolutely wretched talk that had followed. She remembers how worried she'd been about whether she'd be forgiven or whether this would be the final straw — but then she'd seen his face when he held Aqua for the first time and some sense of security had settled in her heart.
She doesn't really know for sure what Saitou is to her. But what she does know is that she doesn't want to ever make him that disappointed in her again. ]
I think he'd like you, though. Once he was done lecturing us about all this sneaking around.
[ She says that with a little grin, but then her expression softens again. The water's warm. Rinne's hand is warm. ]
You said once he wants me to be happy, right? And being with you makes me happy. So I think things might be okay.
[It's still dangerous. It's still wrong. Ai belongs to her children and her fans. It's not fair of him to suddenly appear out of the blue and take Ai away from them. But Ai looked happy whenever Rinne did, and Rinne was never the type to follow the rules. He was never allowed to keep anything for himself, either.
His face feels hot, but he turns toward Ai anyway and nudges her to face him properly.]
Can we do it again?
[His voice is low and quiet, ashamed of what he's asking for, yet thick with desire for it.]
[ When Ai turns her gaze up towards him, her eyes are warm and bright. Locks of loose, damp hair stick to her cheek but she doesn't bother to smooth it back or to try and make herself any more presentable. The weight of Rinne's gaze has been settled on her since they first got her and she's finding she likes it more and more.
She wonders if he can tell as well. Her eyes follow the slope of his neck, his hair sticking to his skin and his flushed face and she feels suddenly, greedily glad that this is a sight for nobody else but her. ]
Right here? Rinne-kun, you're greedy. [ Her voice is low and a little teasing, but before he can take it as a rejection, she turns a little more — so she can lift her hands from the water and reach to cradle his face in her hands. He's so cute it's not fair. ] But that makes two of us.
[ And she kisses him again. Just like he asked for. Somehow, it's even lovelier this time around. ]
[ Rinne’s thought this ever since he first laid his eyes on her, singing and dancing a song foreign to him on a screen bigger than anything he’s ever seen, but Ai is pretty. He’s the heir of his father’s title and his hometown’s guiding light, but his heart is simple, and Ai is really pretty. She shines so brightly, he used to wonder if anyone had ever tried to reach out and touch her. If she’s anything like him—and he knows she is—Rinne hopes she knows she’s free to look and free to touch, from his hands to his very bones. After all, he made this body so someone could love it.
But when Rinne feels the weight of Ai’s stare, he swallows thickly. No one has ever paid him so much attention before. He loves her down to her collarbones and the stray wet strands of hair sticking to her cheeks—does she see him that way? He prays he’s not the only one.
When she speaks, a sudden pang of guilt aches in his chest. And then, fireworks.
This kiss is even longer than the last. This time, Rinne makes sure to commit the taste of Ai's soft lips to memory. He likes how they catch his bottom lip, so he clumsily copies her and hopes she feels the same. He doesn't rush. He hasn't gotten the hang of this yet. As the rain drowns out their kiss, he tucks a lock of hair tickling his face behind her ear. It's in the way. ]
[ She really doesn't mean for it to be anything more than a perfectly chaste, perfectly innocent kiss. Really, she doesn't! She's definitely not thinking about the strong, solid jut of Rinne's shoulders, the muscles along his back and everywhere else she had been not-so subtly peeking at while he'd been getting changed. ... okay, she's definitely thinking about all that, but she's also thinking that even if this is a private bath, this is still a ryokan. It's still technically somewhere public, so she absolutely can't let either of them get carried away. She knows that. Of course she does. And yet, when Rinne's fingers brush her ear—
Ai squeaks.
It's a girlish noise, sweet and surprised, even though it's muffled against his mouth. She breaks away, just enough to catch her breath and — what? Make an excuse? Pretend it hadn't happened? ]
... Mm. [ Her expression settles into something sweet and surprised as well. An embarrassed little smile she could never, ever wear on stage. Her thumb brushes his bottom lip. ] I should've known you're the type who goes right for the weak spots. Meanie.
[Well, that's true, but in Rinne's defense, he didn't mean it. Maybe Ai wouldn't believe that now, though. Who would she like in this scenario, anyway? The Rinne who feels duty-bound to repay her for saving his life? The Rinne who's always brash and bold and doesn't give a damn about what anybody else thinks? Rinne doesn't know, but he watches as he lets Ai touch his raw lip, flesh still red from the friction and heat, and he is quiet. He didn't know Ai could make a sound like that. He didn't know hearing that from Ai could make him feel like that. Can he make her do it again? He wants to try. It didn't sound like she hated it.
His next kiss catches her earlobe between his lips. One hand reaches for her waist to keep her steady as the other holds her close enough for their knees to touch.]
You like it here, Ai?
[Rinne kisses her ear like it's candy, his warm tongue licking into the shell of it as his satisfied sighs tickle her skin. He wants to kiss her mouth more, but he just learned something new about her, and it's already almost more interesting than being kissed at all.]
Tell me how you like it.
[Rinne tries hard to hide his unspoken please. He doesn't know what he's doing, but maybe kissing Ai more will distract her from the warmth he's begun to feel in his core.]
[ Ah. She really should've known he'd go right on the attack the second she gave him an opening. It's still a surprise, though, enough that another noise rises up and out of her mouth — not a squeak, but lower, warmer and breathier. ]
R—Rinne-kun, wait, wait—
[ Even to her, it sounds like a halfhearted protest, not helped by the fact that even with his hands holding her steady, she squirms when his breath puffs into her ear. Her hands settle on his shoulders but even though she knows this absolutely isn't the place for this... she's not about to push him away. Or try to stop him at all, really.
Jeez. What happened to the guy who was just insisting they shouldn't kiss until they were married? ]
[Rinne has always been scared of his own strength. People have tucked their tails and run at the sight of what he can do, never understanding why he does it. But even when Ai squirms at the sensation of his tongue on her skin, she lets herself stay in his hold. Her hands grasp his shoulders as her voice pours out, and heat spreads across his chest and down his body like wildfire. Ai wants him here. It only makes sense to reward her.
As Rinne holds Ai close, his mouth moves down the dewy column of her neck, leaving red blooms of heat in its wake.]
I toldja not to kiss me, didn't I? You're just getting what you asked for.
[Rinne leans his back against a smooth rock for a better view. He wants Ai to be everything in his sight. His hands follow the curve of her waist as he kisses the jut of her collarbone, then her bare chest...
He makes it so that his body doesn't touch her anywhere else. He's hot under his skin, face flushed and muscles tight, but he's not about to let Ai notice that. This isn't about him.]
[ Rinne's mouth is so warm. She hadn't let herself think about what it'd be like to have him kiss her anywhere else but now that she knows, she feels so greedy and impatient for more that her chest draws tight. Rinne had always been the first person in so miserably long to reach out and touch her at all and now that it's like this... she hadn't considered for a second exactly how it might end up making her feel.
Another of those heated, approving noises rises up from her throat. She wants to be held so tight she can't breathe. She wants to be pressed up against him so close that she stops remembering what it was like to be without him. She wants...
Oh.
She wants Rinne. Really, really wants him.
Maybe she has for a while now, but she's never been so sharply or strongly aware of it. It's not just a question of sex, of being riled up and needing to be satisfied, either; she's been wanting and hungry before. She's not clean and pure. But she's never wanted it so strongly and warmly and tenderly. She's never wanted to touch someone and connect herself with them so badly before and never in quite this same way.
No - not just someone. Right now, she wants it so badly because it's Rinne. It's him or nothing. And it has been for longer than she's wanted to admit. ]
Wait... wait just a second. [ Her trembling hands curl into loose fists at his shoulders. Her voice is warm, and breathy and - needy, for him. ] You're right. This is what I was asking for. And I don't want you to stop.
[ Is that okay? Is it really alright for her to be greedy enough to ask for that? ]
But I really... I really want to do this properly. I want to be able to touch you too.
[The first time he saw Ai was behind a screen, bathed in light. At the time, he never thought he could close that distance with her, especially in the shade and under the rainy sky. Now that he can finally make her happy, he's not sure if he can bring himself to stop. Yet when Ai calls his attention, his tongue stops just short of the peak of her breast, stemming his hunger just before he lets it loose. The heat in his ears burns bright.
Ai wants to touch him?
She mentioned it earlier, but it didn't feel like it was possible. Becoming an idol was a dream he thought he could reach, but loving Ai like this? No. He never thought it was something that could ever happen to him. He's an outsider, a coward, he never gets things right...]
Are you sure?
[...so he might not fit her, especially in ways he's too ashamed to imagine.
But Ai wants this.]
I don't mind.
[And if Rinne could be honest, he might want this more than he lets on.]
[ They're not close enough in the way she wants them to be and closing the rest of that distance right here and now might be too much for her rapidly fraying restraint to handle. Instead, Ai cups his face in her hands again like she's cradling something precious, and tips her head forward to press her forehead to his.
This close, she can't see anything else but Rinne and that's enough to give her the courage to try. She can try right now because just for this trip, she's not Ai from B-Komachi. Because right now, Tokyo and Strawberry Productions and all the rest of it seems like a million miles away and the only thing that matters is here, now, right in front of her and so close that she doesn't have anywhere to run away and hide. ]
I know it's irresponsible. And I know it makes me the worst kind of idol. Nobody wants to support a girl who cheats on them, right?
[ She says it like it's a joke, but the smile on her face is just a little too sincerely guilty for it to be entirely for show. ]
But.. I don't want to worry about anything else right now. I don't even want to think about anything else. I just want you. ... Is that okay?
[There are so many things Ai should be thinking about—things that could have been avoided altogether, had she thought twice—but Rinne doesn't judge her for this. She's just following her heart, right? Something corny like that? Him, too. He tends to do that. He touches her face, closes his eyes, and as he leans in, his affection makes room for a gentler smile. The way he speaks is different. It has been for a while.]
The elders always told me I was wrong for wanting to see you, but there's nothing wrong with what we want. I've always wanted someone just for me.
[As Rinne strokes the soft curve of Ai's cheeks, he kisses her cherry lips. This is almost too easy now. He thinks he could make it a habit.]
'Course it's okay.
[Even when it isn't. Especially when it shouldn't. His people, the elders, and his father might not ever approve of a woman with children out of wedlock to be his bride, but when they are so far away, Rinne can't bring himself to care all that much. All his life, everything he's ever done has always been for love. Everything has always been for Ai.]
[ Someone just for me. When he puts it like that, something fizzes in her chest and her smile warms back into something more settled. She and Rinne really are the same, aren't they? That's what she's been looking for all along as well.
The rest they can figure out later. She'd told him, after all - if it's the two of them, they can handle it together. ]
Heehee. Rinne-kun's more pure hearted than he wants people to think, huh? [ She's teasing him but with nothing but warmth and affection. Once more, she presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. ] That's fine with me. I promise I'll take care of you.
[ ... Is it selfish if she's glad? Hypocritical, maybe? It's not that she'd be disappointed if he wasn't but... Rinne's an idol just like her. He has to serve so much of himself up to anyone who'll have him but if this can just be hers and nobody else's...
She's a greedy idol, after all. ]
Let's go back, then. [ Her sweet smile turns just a little feline. ] And I'll take care of you.
[Somehow Rinne feels hotter the moment Ai kisses his forehead again. Was he always this disgraceful? He doesn't want her to think he's only here for one thing, or worse, that he's here for nothing at all. He purses his lips into a line. It's best that he control himself now. She says she wants him, but does she know how much he wants to give her? She might not like it. On most days, he's afraid of his own strength. On the rest, he doesn't feel strong enough.
He wears the same shy frown all the way back to their room, holding her hand tightly all the while. If Ai ever says anything, he answers in nothing but curt, quiet hums of acknowledgement. The doors slides and swings shut behind them, and when they make it to their two spreads of futon on the floor, only then does he finally speak.]
I'll always love you.
[Has he ever said that before? Always? He feels like it should have been implied.]
[ Ten whole tatami mats had seemed like a lot of space before but now it feels like hardly anything at all. Barely even enough to breathe. But that's fine with Ai - breathing room would just be a waste with what she wants right now. Rinne's hand in hers is like an anchor, keeping her grounded even when she feels like she's on the verge of floating off into the stars and when he finally speaks up again, Ai squeezes it gently. Just once, as reassurance. ]
Mm. I know.
[ She thinks she does, anyway. Rinne's always been so persistent and so warm but... she still hasn't said it back. She still hasn't told him everything. Before they do this, she should give him a chance to back out, shouldn't she?
Ai turns to him, properly. Like before, her smile is just a little troubled. ]
... I've always really wished somebody would. Properly, I mean. Even all the parts that are dirty and wrong. ... Especially those parts. All I've ever wanted is for somebody to see all that and tell me it's okay. That they accept me.
[ She doesn't want him to tell her she's perfect. That she's untarnished and pretty and pure. Because what happens then when that inevitably changes? Where would she be then?
She knows Rinne doesn't need her to be flawless. It's okay for her to be weak and small and pathetic in front of him. But...
Just once, she wants to hear someone say it. ]
I really... really want that person to be you, Rinne-kun.
[Rinne's lips part, his shyness suddenly foolish in the face of her honesty. If Ai can finally tell Rinne what she needs, then there's no need to hold back now, is there? There's no need to pretend he isn't anything like her—just as weak, and just as small—so he pulls her close. He needs this just as much as she does.]
You're okay.
[He doesn't know everything about her, and what he does know, she can tell him in due time. It's only fair. After all, she hasn't asked him for anything, either — where he's from, what he is, or how much nothing he has to his name. For that, he holds her tighter.]
You can bleed on me all you want. You're okay.
[Because this isn't just what a monarch or an older brother has to do. How he feels about Ai exists beyond that.]
[ For just a second, it feels like her ears are ringing. Bundled up in Rinne's arms, pressed against him and knowing he's strong enough to prop her up if she falters, that he'll do it even if she doesn't ask him to — it should soften the blow. But it doesn't. Her heart suddenly picks up its pace and she recognizes that it's fear making her pulse thunder like that. Fear that it might not be real. How are you supposed to feel when the thing you've been looking for all your life gets shoved into your hands like this?
A shudder goes through her and she presses her face into his shoulder. All of a sudden, it feels like she has permission to— to laugh or cry. To breathe. It feels like for the first time in her life, she's been given permission to be here. ]
Rinne-kun. [ She says his name again to remind herself he's really here. Or maybe just to say it. And then without her even thinking about it at all, rising up and out of her like a breath— ] I love you.
Her breath catches. Stalls in her throat. The ringing in her ears is even louder this time and for a frightening moment, she waits for the oily guilt of a lie to seep into her belly... but it doesn't. All she feels is her heart still pounding and some sense of fear that makes her lightheaded and-
Lying is easy. It's telling the truth that's the scary part. So if her heart's racing, if it felt so different to say it this time, then that must mean she really- ]
I finally... [ Her voice breaks. Tears and laughter at the same time and her fingers curl into fists, bunching into the fabric of his yukata, clinging onto him like she's terrified of what might happen if she lets go. ] I finally said it...!
[ She pulls back, just barely enough to look up at him. With her eyes and her face both shining with tears, the smile she gives him can only be called radiant. ]
I'm sorry. You've been saying it to me all this time and I could never say it back. But I love you. I really, really do love you.
Rinne's chest grows tight. Suddenly, all those little worries and doubts he never thought he had are as light as a feather, swept away by the autumn breeze and rain. Loving someone was all he ever wanted to do—what he was born to do—but he couldn't just ask someone to love him back. Rulers don't do that. Weaklings do. Becoming an idol was his dream—he could love everyone and ask for their love, and everyone would return it wholeheartedly. Then he learned that his idol couldn't feel love at all.
What happened next was nothing special. It was the least he could do. Was this the result of all that?
Rinne rubs her eyes dry with his thumbs and cradles her face in his hands. They might be rougher than hers, but they're there. ]
What, were you scared of lying to me, too? [ He laughs. ] But I've been eating up your lies ever since your debut.
[ He presses his forehead against Ai's and whispers in a volume meant just for her: ]
You don't have to apologize for that, Ai. I already knew.
[ Ever since she showed him that picture of her with her children, he always knew. And now, with everything he's ever wanted smiling so beautifully in his arms, he can't help but pour his heart out. ]
I've always wanted someone to love a wreck like me, too.
[ Their next kiss is deep and hot. Rinne's heart hasn't stopped racing since, and he can only thank the rain for singing over the sound of it. ]
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Together? ]
Yeah, together.
[ Ai said it before, but it takes another try before Rinne finally decides — he likes the sound of doing things together. He likes it so much, it makes him smile even warmer than ever.
Soon they reach the stone bath, and as Rinne holds onto Ai's hand, he is the first to enter. He helps her in right after. ]
Watch your step, alright? The water's hot enough to cook ya. Hehe, but that just means there's more food for me☆
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She follows him in tentatively, fingers curled tight around his hand the only betrayal of her worry she might slip and slowly eases into the water. It's definitely hot, hot enough to sting — but what comes out of Ai's mouth is a particularly undignified noise of appreciation. ]
Waah, this feels even better than I thought it would...! [ She immediately sinks all the way down to her neck, stray ends of her tied up hair trailing in the water. If she notices, she doesn't seem to mind at all. ] This is so, so, so much better than a regular bathtub...!
[ She has not, incidentally, let go of Rinne's hand yet. ]
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But part of him wants to be selfish. ]
Right? But stay in here for too long, and you're gonna pass out. Be careful.
[ He sinks into the water up to his neck too, knees probably bending a little more than hers as he steadily grips her hand. He laughs when he meets her at eye level. That almost never happens. ]
Kyahaha! I gotta admit, I missed this. When we get married, we gotta find a tub that fits us both.
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She looks up at him, laughing all over his face and makes herself a little promise: if she can say it tonight and she knows it's not a lie... she'll tell him.
Her fingers lace themselves through his under the water. ]
Did I ever tell you I almost got a sponsorship for one of those? [ She says it with a giggle, letting her head tip to rest on his shoulder. If they're sat this close then that's fine, right? ] Some company who does luxury baths made a big thing about wanting to install one for me, so long as I did a promotion for it. I remember watching the Prez nodding along while the guy was talking right up until he said something about a photoshoot... next thing I know, he's getting hauled out the office by his collar! I didn't even know President Saitou had that kind of arm strength!
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Serves him right. What the hell was that perv tryna pull, talking you into a gig like that?
[Of course President Saitou wouldn't allow it. If he loved Ai like family, he'd never let her do anything like that! Rinne wouldn't have let her do that. Not unless she was ready. Not unless she wanted to. But she's here now, letting him see the parts of her no fan would ever get to see. The stray locks of hair that float in the water, her bare shoulders just below the surface, her stories and her thoughts that no one else ever bothered to ask her for — all of that is for him and him alone.
His heart beats faster than the rain's pitter-patter on the rooftop. Her head is touching his bare shoulder, and if this were his village, he's sure they'd punish him a little more than they'd punish her. He never did get what was so wrong about it, though. He liked the intimacy. No one, be it in the city or that village, had ever tried to be this close.]
It's the first time I heard about that. You're lucky you got someone lookin' out for ya. [Under the water, he balls his hands into nervous fists.] I bet Prez Saitou would be mad at me.
[The kids would be. Especially the kids.]
I gotta make a good impression when we get back...
[Rinne's the one who usually tells Ai to live in the moment, but right now, he's not sure if he can do that himself. There's a lot to think about before he can do what's been on his mind since her lips touched his.]
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[ Ai would know. It's years later and she still remembers clear as day the look of ice cold dread and disappointment on his face when she'd admitted to him what had been going on under his nose and the absolutely wretched talk that had followed. She remembers how worried she'd been about whether she'd be forgiven or whether this would be the final straw — but then she'd seen his face when he held Aqua for the first time and some sense of security had settled in her heart.
She doesn't really know for sure what Saitou is to her. But what she does know is that she doesn't want to ever make him that disappointed in her again. ]
I think he'd like you, though. Once he was done lecturing us about all this sneaking around.
[ She says that with a little grin, but then her expression softens again. The water's warm. Rinne's hand is warm. ]
You said once he wants me to be happy, right? And being with you makes me happy. So I think things might be okay.
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His face feels hot, but he turns toward Ai anyway and nudges her to face him properly.]
Can we do it again?
[His voice is low and quiet, ashamed of what he's asking for, yet thick with desire for it.]
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She wonders if he can tell as well. Her eyes follow the slope of his neck, his hair sticking to his skin and his flushed face and she feels suddenly, greedily glad that this is a sight for nobody else but her. ]
Right here? Rinne-kun, you're greedy. [ Her voice is low and a little teasing, but before he can take it as a rejection, she turns a little more — so she can lift her hands from the water and reach to cradle his face in her hands. He's so cute it's not fair. ] But that makes two of us.
[ And she kisses him again. Just like he asked for. Somehow, it's even lovelier this time around. ]
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But when Rinne feels the weight of Ai’s stare, he swallows thickly. No one has ever paid him so much attention before. He loves her down to her collarbones and the stray wet strands of hair sticking to her cheeks—does she see him that way? He prays he’s not the only one.
When she speaks, a sudden pang of guilt aches in his chest. And then, fireworks.
This kiss is even longer than the last. This time, Rinne makes sure to commit the taste of Ai's soft lips to memory. He likes how they catch his bottom lip, so he clumsily copies her and hopes she feels the same. He doesn't rush. He hasn't gotten the hang of this yet. As the rain drowns out their kiss, he tucks a lock of hair tickling his face behind her ear. It's in the way. ]
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Ai squeaks.
It's a girlish noise, sweet and surprised, even though it's muffled against his mouth. She breaks away, just enough to catch her breath and — what? Make an excuse? Pretend it hadn't happened? ]
... Mm. [ Her expression settles into something sweet and surprised as well. An embarrassed little smile she could never, ever wear on stage. Her thumb brushes his bottom lip. ] I should've known you're the type who goes right for the weak spots. Meanie.
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know hearing that from Ai could make him feel like that. Can he make her do it again? He wants to try. It didn't sound like she hated it.
His next kiss catches her earlobe between his lips. One hand reaches for her waist to keep her steady as the other holds her close enough for their knees to touch.]
You like it here, Ai?
[Rinne kisses her ear like it's candy, his warm tongue licking into the shell of it as his satisfied sighs tickle her skin. He wants to kiss her mouth more, but he just learned something new about her, and it's already almost more interesting than being kissed at all.]
Tell me how you like it.
[Rinne tries hard to hide his unspoken please. He doesn't know what he's doing, but maybe kissing Ai more will distract her from the warmth he's begun to feel in his core.]
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R—Rinne-kun, wait, wait—
[ Even to her, it sounds like a halfhearted protest, not helped by the fact that even with his hands holding her steady, she squirms when his breath puffs into her ear. Her hands settle on his shoulders but even though she knows this absolutely isn't the place for this... she's not about to push him away. Or try to stop him at all, really.
Jeez. What happened to the guy who was just insisting they shouldn't kiss until they were married? ]
I do but— doing that to me right here is...
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As Rinne holds Ai close, his mouth moves down the dewy column of her neck, leaving red blooms of heat in its wake.]
I toldja not to kiss me, didn't I? You're just getting what you asked for.
[Rinne leans his back against a smooth rock for a better view. He wants Ai to be everything in his sight. His hands follow the curve of her waist as he kisses the jut of her collarbone, then her bare chest...
He makes it so that his body doesn't touch her anywhere else. He's hot under his skin, face flushed and muscles tight, but he's not about to let Ai notice that. This isn't about him.]
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Another of those heated, approving noises rises up from her throat. She wants to be held so tight she can't breathe. She wants to be pressed up against him so close that she stops remembering what it was like to be without him. She wants...
Oh.
She wants Rinne. Really, really wants him.
Maybe she has for a while now, but she's never been so sharply or strongly aware of it. It's not just a question of sex, of being riled up and needing to be satisfied, either; she's been wanting and hungry before. She's not clean and pure. But she's never wanted it so strongly and warmly and tenderly. She's never wanted to touch someone and connect herself with them so badly before and never in quite this same way.
No - not just someone. Right now, she wants it so badly because it's Rinne. It's him or nothing. And it has been for longer than she's wanted to admit. ]
Wait... wait just a second. [ Her trembling hands curl into loose fists at his shoulders. Her voice is warm, and breathy and - needy, for him. ] You're right. This is what I was asking for. And I don't want you to stop.
[ Is that okay? Is it really alright for her to be greedy enough to ask for that? ]
But I really... I really want to do this properly. I want to be able to touch you too.
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Ai wants to touch him?
She mentioned it earlier, but it didn't feel like it was possible. Becoming an idol was a dream he thought he could reach, but loving Ai like this? No. He never thought it was something that could ever happen to him. He's an outsider, a coward, he never gets things right...]
Are you sure?
[...so he might not fit her, especially in ways he's too ashamed to imagine.
But Ai wants this.]
I don't mind.
[And if Rinne could be honest, he might want this more than he lets on.]
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[ They're not close enough in the way she wants them to be and closing the rest of that distance right here and now might be too much for her rapidly fraying restraint to handle. Instead, Ai cups his face in her hands again like she's cradling something precious, and tips her head forward to press her forehead to his.
This close, she can't see anything else but Rinne and that's enough to give her the courage to try. She can try right now because just for this trip, she's not Ai from B-Komachi. Because right now, Tokyo and Strawberry Productions and all the rest of it seems like a million miles away and the only thing that matters is here, now, right in front of her and so close that she doesn't have anywhere to run away and hide. ]
I know it's irresponsible. And I know it makes me the worst kind of idol. Nobody wants to support a girl who cheats on them, right?
[ She says it like it's a joke, but the smile on her face is just a little too sincerely guilty for it to be entirely for show. ]
But.. I don't want to worry about anything else right now. I don't even want to think about anything else. I just want you. ... Is that okay?
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The elders always told me I was wrong for wanting to see you, but there's nothing wrong with what we want. I've always wanted someone just for me.
[As Rinne strokes the soft curve of Ai's cheeks, he kisses her cherry lips. This is almost too easy now. He thinks he could make it a habit.]
'Course it's okay.
[Even when it isn't. Especially when it shouldn't. His people, the elders, and his father might not ever approve of a woman with children out of wedlock to be his bride, but when they are so far away, Rinne can't bring himself to care all that much. All his life, everything he's ever done has always been for love. Everything has always been for Ai.]
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It'll be my first time, though...
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The rest they can figure out later. She'd told him, after all - if it's the two of them, they can handle it together. ]
Heehee. Rinne-kun's more pure hearted than he wants people to think, huh? [ She's teasing him but with nothing but warmth and affection. Once more, she presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. ] That's fine with me. I promise I'll take care of you.
[ ... Is it selfish if she's glad? Hypocritical, maybe? It's not that she'd be disappointed if he wasn't but... Rinne's an idol just like her. He has to serve so much of himself up to anyone who'll have him but if this can just be hers and nobody else's...
She's a greedy idol, after all. ]
Let's go back, then. [ Her sweet smile turns just a little feline. ] And I'll take care of you.
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He wears the same shy frown all the way back to their room, holding her hand tightly all the while. If Ai ever says anything, he answers in nothing but curt, quiet hums of acknowledgement. The doors slides and swings shut behind them, and when they make it to their two spreads of futon on the floor, only then does he finally speak.]
I'll always love you.
[Has he ever said that before? Always? He feels like it should have been implied.]
You know that, right?
[Mostly, though, he's just stalling.]
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Mm. I know.
[ She thinks she does, anyway. Rinne's always been so persistent and so warm but... she still hasn't said it back. She still hasn't told him everything. Before they do this, she should give him a chance to back out, shouldn't she?
Ai turns to him, properly. Like before, her smile is just a little troubled. ]
... I've always really wished somebody would. Properly, I mean. Even all the parts that are dirty and wrong. ... Especially those parts. All I've ever wanted is for somebody to see all that and tell me it's okay. That they accept me.
[ She doesn't want him to tell her she's perfect. That she's untarnished and pretty and pure. Because what happens then when that inevitably changes? Where would she be then?
She knows Rinne doesn't need her to be flawless. It's okay for her to be weak and small and pathetic in front of him. But...
Just once, she wants to hear someone say it. ]
I really... really want that person to be you, Rinne-kun.
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You're okay.
[He doesn't know everything about her, and what he does know, she can tell him in due time. It's only fair. After all, she hasn't asked him for anything, either — where he's from, what he is, or how much nothing he has to his name. For that, he holds her tighter.]
You can bleed on me all you want. You're okay.
[Because this isn't just what a monarch or an older brother has to do. How he feels about Ai exists beyond that.]
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A shudder goes through her and she presses her face into his shoulder. All of a sudden, it feels like she has permission to— to laugh or cry. To breathe. It feels like for the first time in her life, she's been given permission to be here. ]
Rinne-kun. [ She says his name again to remind herself he's really here. Or maybe just to say it. And then without her even thinking about it at all, rising up and out of her like a breath— ] I love you.
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Ah.
Her breath catches. Stalls in her throat. The ringing in her ears is even louder this time and for a frightening moment, she waits for the oily guilt of a lie to seep into her belly... but it doesn't. All she feels is her heart still pounding and some sense of fear that makes her lightheaded and-
Lying is easy. It's telling the truth that's the scary part. So if her heart's racing, if it felt so different to say it this time, then that must mean she really- ]
I finally... [ Her voice breaks. Tears and laughter at the same time and her fingers curl into fists, bunching into the fabric of his yukata, clinging onto him like she's terrified of what might happen if she lets go. ] I finally said it...!
[ She pulls back, just barely enough to look up at him. With her eyes and her face both shining with tears, the smile she gives him can only be called radiant. ]
I'm sorry. You've been saying it to me all this time and I could never say it back. But I love you. I really, really do love you.
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Oh.
Rinne's chest grows tight. Suddenly, all those little worries and doubts he never thought he had are as light as a feather, swept away by the autumn breeze and rain. Loving someone was all he ever wanted to do—what he was born to do—but he couldn't just ask someone to love him back. Rulers don't do that. Weaklings do. Becoming an idol was his dream—he could love everyone and ask for their love, and everyone would return it wholeheartedly. Then he learned that his idol couldn't feel love at all.
What happened next was nothing special. It was the least he could do. Was this the result of all that?
Rinne rubs her eyes dry with his thumbs and cradles her face in his hands. They might be rougher than hers, but they're there. ]
What, were you scared of lying to me, too? [ He laughs. ] But I've been eating up your lies ever since your debut.
[ He presses his forehead against Ai's and whispers in a volume meant just for her: ]
You don't have to apologize for that, Ai. I already knew.
[ Ever since she showed him that picture of her with her children, he always knew. And now, with everything he's ever wanted smiling so beautifully in his arms, he can't help but pour his heart out. ]
I've always wanted someone to love a wreck like me, too.
[ Their next kiss is deep and hot. Rinne's heart hasn't stopped racing since, and he can only thank the rain for singing over the sound of it. ]
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slams into this
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