[ Ai likes the ryokan more and more the more she sees of it. She'd been right in her initial feelings that it was kind of grand but it's cozy, too — not stuffy or formal at all. This is easily the kind of place she could spend a few days and feel just as comfortable as if she was at home. And even better that Rinne's here with her to enjoy it, too.
She doesn't seek out any of the baths - even if they're vacant, she'd like to enjoy the surprise of seeing them for the first time with Rinne — but she scopes out the souvenir shop, takes a few selfies in some pretty spots and snaps a few choice pictures. She can take more at dinner but for now, this should be enough. ]
Almost done! I asked if it was OK for me to see one of the smaller rooms and they showed me a single person one So I took a selfie in it like it was mine LOL And!! I grabbed some snacks for later from the gift shop. I'll just call the Prez to let him know I got here fine then come see you!
lmaooo u gotta show me later and yay❤ ok❤ don't take too long or i'm gonna zzz
[ What can he do in the meantime? He has everything ready for them, Ai just has to grab the stuff and go. Hmm...
Well, they do need to clean up before getting in the open-air bath, and while there's already a shower near the bath, he doesn't want Ai to wait on him or be self-conscious. Yes, that's it. That's why he's going to shower now. It's not because he's feeling hot. It's not because he's feeling nervous. It's all for Ai's sake!!! ]
[ True to her word, she's not too far behind him - she takes a few snaps of the view so she can gush about how picturesque it all is before she heads off to their room. It's easy enough to find and she's quick to make her way inside, step out of her shoes at the entrance and pull the inner door back. ]
Ooh...!
[ She'd seen one of the other rooms so she sort of has an idea of what to expect but... this is a little different. Maybe it's just because it's their room but it's so cute and cozy - it's all traditional so it feels fancier than it probably is to someone who's not a city mouse but she doesn't feel uncomfortable at all. And Rinne was right — the view is incredible.
No Rinne, though. It takes a second for her to pick up on the sounds of the shower running and she realizes where he must be. So she calls through, just loud enough to be heard over the water. ]
Rinne-kun, I'm here! I'll go ahead and get changed while you're in there!
[ Rinne jolts up when he hears Ai. He was spacing out just now; if he actively thinks about anything that could happen, he's not sure what might happen. But now Ai's here. There's no time to dwell on (or avoid!) hypotheticals.
He was done a while ago anyway, so he quickly shuts the shower off and dries himself off. The loud whirring of the hair dryer here distracts him from whatever sounds he might hear there. With the way he is now, even the slightest rustle of fabric might shake him up — if he can manage to hear it over the heartbeat in his ears. Fuck, where are his clothes? He probably forgot them in the bedroom. Oh well, he'll just grab a towel on his way out and wear some pants when he gets there—
Oh.
Rinne had gotten so used to living with other guys that he'd almost forgotten the most rudimentary of manners.
Knocking, for example.
Being decent in the presence of strangers, for example. ]
Um...
[ Maybe if he switches gears fast enough, he can at least pretend he's sleazy enough to not be awkward about it... ]
[ One of the things you have to get good at as an idol that nobody bothers to tell you about is a quick change - you can't dawdle around in the dressing room when there's a crowd waiting outside. So usually, getting changed while Rinne was in the other room wouldn't be a problem at all.
She ties up her hair no problem, but as it turns out, she'd forgotten to account for putting herself in a yukata for the first time. She's worn them before for shoots but she's always been dressed by someone else, so tying off the sash while holding it closed is a bit of a process. It's a little big on her, too, and it sags on her shoulder just enough to expose the slope of her neck and collarbone. And she's in the middle of trying to adjust that when Rinne walks in.
Ai freezes. Her head snaps around. She has a smile pasted onto her face to preemptively make a joke out of the whole thing but then it slowly slides off her face as she just... looks at him. Oh. she manages to think. Rinne really does look—
She manages, barely, to snap herself back to to reality and hastily pulls the sagging yukata up over her shoulder. Is it ruder to stare or to pretend she wasn't staring? Not that she can even try and pretend that she's not right now... ]
Ahah, sorry...! I thought I'd be done by now. [ She's... still looking. ] Um, if you want to get changed I can...
[ She can what? Give him some privacy? It's a little late for that, isn't it???? ]
[Would that be better or worse? He's asking because he has no idea. He's never been in this situation before. Forgive him for gawking at the smooth column of Ai's neck and the scandal of her collarbones. Where he's from, no one's supposed to see that but family. He plans on making her more than family, so maybe that's not a problem, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he's attracted to her. He's joked about it, teased her for it, but the reality is they were thinly-veiled truths. He would be lying if he said she didn't make him feel crazy. What would have happened if she kept fixing her yukata? Would she have failed? Would he have gotten to see more?
He should calm down. He should wear his yukata. He turns around, pulls off his towel, and gives the powers that be a glimpse of his ass before slipping the sleeves on.
...
Hmm. His servants back home usually fixed these things for him.
[ Rinne's gaze feels weighty. She feels the press of it even after he looks away and she's surprised to realise just how much she likes it. She's gotten more than used to having eyes on her at all times whether she likes it or not but that's different from the way Rinne really looks at her, even though she's not put together at all. For the first time, it really hits her that he's going to be seeing her without any of her usual embellishments today.
... Well, if Rinne's looking, it should be fine for her to do the same, right? If he didn't want her to see, he'd be be getting changed elsewhere, right? ]
Ah- oh, the sash is a little tricky to do by yourself, huh? Um, just a second...
[ That's what she says, but as she stands up, she finally manages to tug her yukata into place so it all sits neatly on her body before tying the sash off. Apparently, all she needed to kick her brain into gear was to inflict a moment of blind panic on it.
Now that she's decent, she stands and crosses the room... then pauses as she's stood just behind him. This is kind of a delicate situation, isn't it? She's been sort of blithe and clueless this whole time but... she wonders what Rinne's expecting of her. Or maybe what Rinne's thinking she expects from him. ]
[Ai's soft voice alone makes the hairs on Rinne's neck stand on end. The question is vague enough to lend to his imagination, which soon spreads shame across his shoulders like wildfire. Rinne isn't expecting anything. If Ai is comfortable to let him stand here, that would be enough. He is more concerned about what Ai wants him to do. If... If Ai wants to look— No, if Ai wants his presence and only that, then that's what he'll give her.
He's not nervous because she's pretty.
He's definitely not worried about how they're supposed to conduct themselves.]
N-nevermind. [God, he stuttered. Stupid.] I can do it.
[He speaks in an uncharacteristic near-whisper, turning away and keeping his distance as he fiddles with the obi. He... is honestly, absolutely clueless. He's been overlapping the two ends the same two ways for about a minute now. He'd ask for help like he often demands Niki to, but Niki likes being needed, and he can't just say, "Sorry, I don't know how to dress myself because I used to leave this sort of thing to my attendants. By the way, I'm technically a prince. I'm literally incapable of living alone." It's too much for him to reveal and far too much for Ai to unpack. It's better to just suck it up and put on his damn yukata.]
You can go ahead. Rinne-kun's just gotta figure this out.
[ This isn't like Rinne at all, huh. She'd expect him to cackle and make some joke about it and be the first one to break the tension — or to at least try — but he's the one fumbling and unsure of what to say here. A little pinprick of guilt pierces her stomach as it occurs to her that she's the reason they're both here. For all she teases Rinne about skipping steps and rushing ahead, isn't this a big move to make? And he's here with a girl who hasn't even kissed him or told him she loves him.
No wonder he doesn't know what to do.
Ai steps around him so they're face to face and before he can protest, she reaches and, gently but firmly, takes the ends of the obi from him. ]
Here. I'll do it.
[ Her voice is soft and she drops her gaze to keep it at the task at hand - this is probably embarrassing enough without her looking him in the face. She loops the tie around him again once, twice as she thinks that Rinne so rarely asks her to do things for him. Whenever he asks something of her, it's always for her benefit. Rinne's like her in a lot of ways, isn't he? Neither of them know how to ask for the things they need when they need them.
With the yukata neatly in place, she ties off the ends of the sash and at last, lifts her gaze back up to his face. This close up, she can really see how much softer his expression is than the ones she usually sees and all of a sudden, Ai really, really wants to kiss him. ]
There. ... when it's things like this, it's okay for us to figure it out together.
[Rinne freezes. It's so strange, having the girl of his dreams do things for him. Rinne's not the type to bend over and turn into her footstool if that's what she wanted, he's just used to taking care of his people and his family. It's what he's meant to do. He's always supposed to be thinking about that. Maybe that's why he likes being spoiled. Maybe that's why he likes spoiling people just like him.
Rinne never fails to tell her what she needs to hear. If that's the case, then this is Ai's way of giving it all back, isn't it? When Ai stands so close to him with her delicate hands and gentle voice, Rinne thinks he'd like to experience this all the time. He won't slack. He'll work hard if it means this will always be waiting for him at the end.]
Okay.
[Rinne meets her gaze and he balls his hands into fists. His lips are dry. His throat is dry, but he has to say this now before he loses his chance and loses control.]
Ai.
[Not Ai-chan, not Hoshigari-chan, not any other nickname he's ever placed between them to make her want to hate him for any reason at all.]
[ Ai blinks at him. It seems to take a second for his words to land but when they do... a laugh bubbles out of her and she covers her mouth like she can try and contain it. ]
You've been worrying about that this whole time?
[ She didn't think there was a person alive who still worried about things like that, much less a guy like Rinne. He's so brash and bold and ever since they met, he'd been reaching out to touch her and hold her, like that unbreechable barrier between her and everyone else hadn't existed at all. If Rinne had wanted to use this trip to close the rest of that distance, would she let him?
Even before she asks herself the question, she knows what the answer is: of course she would. She would say yes precisely because Rinne would never try.
Her gaze drifts down and away from his again. Her expression doesn't darken but it turns... sober, maybe. A little more open. ]
... You know, Rinne-kun... I'm not like you at all. I'm really bad at loving things. I always have been. But idols are supposed to love all their fans, right? Even idols who don't understand how to do it.
[ She adjusts the front of his yukata, just for something to do with her hands. Her heart is thudding in her throat so hard, it's a wonder that her voice comes out at all, let alone as soft and steady as it is. ]
I lie about it. All the time. I don't know how to say it and have it be true. And... I don't want to say it to you someday and leave you wondering if it's a lie.
[ Her fingers curl into the front of his yukata. She doesn't know what face Rinne is making but she manages to dare peek up and meet his eyes. ]
So even if it's just for this trip... or even just once... is it okay if I try and show you instead?
[Because he's thinking about him, her fans, and her kids. and he's thinking, how dare someone say that about her? How dare they decide how she should love someone? It's bad enough that she's not allowed to love anyone at all. Why can't she believe she's already doing that? She thinks about what could heal him and protects him from what could hurt him. What is that if it isn't what she doesn't want to say?
Tears stream down his face before he can stop them.]
I'm bad at it too, you know? I lied to you, too. I knew the way I acted made it feel like this wasn't real. That's why I said it. Shit like that can only fly when everyone knows it's a lie. Idols only lie 'cause they wanna make people happy...
But you believed me.
I tried to be the worst, and you still believed me.
[Ah, saying it like this makes it sound like he never loved her, doesn't it? Maybe to Ai, it felt like a lie. But Rinne meant every word. He loves her. He wants her to shine. He just didn't think he'd ever want her for himself.
... No, maybe he did. He remembers what Ai asked him that day on that balcony against the setting sun. He told her it was okay to be selfish. It was okay to be an idol like that. It made her so happy, the smile she wore that day made him want to be selfish, too. He wanted the freedom to do that, too.]
So you can be scared of saying it all you want, but you said it yourself, didn't you? It's obvious that you love me.
[But... it's true that he still wants to hear it. It's true that he wants proof. But is it okay for him to ask for something like that? Is it okay for him to want it all the time? His cheeks are still wet with his tears when he closes his eyes, leans in, and presses his forehead against her own.]
You can do whatever you want with me. As much as you want, as many times you want. I don't deserve it, but... For all the times you tried to love me, I don't want you to ever think I didn't feel it.
[ Ai of B-Komachi is pretty, perfect and invincible. She loves everyone with all her heart, without fear or restraint, she gives and gives and gives and doesn't ever think to ask for anything back. What does an invincible girl even want for, anyway?
Hoshino Ai is unforgivably dirty and hopelessly impure - in fact, just call her hopeless full stop. She has to lie to give people what they want because the real thing could never be good enough. It never will be. Maybe that's why she doesn't know how to do any of it for real.
Her heart is thudding so hard and so loud she can barely hear anything else. She feels warm. She feels a little dizzy. She feels more hopeless and helpless and inexcusably clumsy than she ever has before but for the first time... she thinks that might be okay.
She thinks that if it's Rinne... then it really might be okay.
Her mouth makes a shape, but the words won't come out. Even now, she's a coward. Even now, she's too scared to say it and find out that she could never say it for real. She doesn't know if the feeling churning her insides really is love, but whatever it is, she wants Rinne to know she feels it.
She rises up onto her toes so she can press a kiss to his forehead. Then her lips move to the corner of his eye and she presses another one there, like she could stem the flow of tears like that.
Then she pulls in a shaky breath. She sinks down onto the flat of her feet and now they're nose to nose. She's so close she can feel his breath on her mouth. ]
[So she doesn't care if his words used to be a lie? Rinne never cared if hers were. But right now, when he wants her love so selfishly, if she can't tell him how she feels, he thinks he'll go crazy.
First, she kisses his forehead. No one's done that since his youth, and his youth was cut short when Hiiro was born. It was a time when love never asked for anything else. He shouldn't, but he keeps coming back to that. Then Ai kisses the corner of his eye. Only two people have ever seen him cry, and he's already lost one. There's two again, and somehow that makes being stronger a little easier. Finally his gaze meets hers, and the air between them thins as they stand like this, her arms in his arms, closer than they have ever truly been.
When Ai takes Rinne's first kiss, he lets it happen. For once, he lets himself savor the feeling of someone who wants to have him, someone who is willing to take him into themselves and keep him there like he isn't something to be chewed and spat out. Ai's lips are gentle. Rinne thinks it's amazing how she can hear the embarrassing sound of his loud heart and still be here, kissing someone who's never been kissed, someone who knows what that means but is too scared to mean it. Not because he thinks he's incapable of it, no, but because when he isn't trying to fail, he loves much too deeply—so deeply that it could only be wrong. That's how everyone's ever seen him: wrong.
For a second, he thinks Ai is also wrong.
When Rinne breaks the kiss, he whispers as he insists,] I told you, we shouldn't...
[But he closes his eyes again and kisses her anyway.]
[ Of course they shouldn't. They shouldn't even be here to begin with — before and above everything else, she and Rinne are idols. Even if they're the selfish kind, the lying kind, there's only some much lying that fans can forgive. Nothing is worse than an idol who cheats on the fans that love her, after all. She's already done that once. There's no way she'd ever get away with a second betrayal.
It doesn't feel like a betrayal when Rinne kisses her, though. Far from it — it feels like everything else has been wrong all along. But this right here is the first time that it's ever been right.
Her arms curl around him. Tight. She's never let herself hold him or return any of the boundless affection he's tossed her way but now she can't help herself. ]
I really want to try. [ She barely breaks away to say that, breathing the words in between another kiss. ] I don't know how to say it for real but when it's you, I want to try.
[ She wants to do more than try. It's like some kind of dam has finally cracked and all her feelings have come spilling out. She wants to touch him. She wants Rinne to touch her. She wants him to hold her so tight that she feels his hands on her for hours after he lets her go.
It takes more of her self control than she'd like to admit for her to pull back from him again. Just enough space to breathe and to look up at him and take in the sweet, soft expression on his face. ]
So let's take a bath together and then... will you let me try?
[When Ai's words click, Rinne can barely look her in the eye.]
Mm.
[He can't say the thought hasn't crossed his mind. He wants to stop Ai, though. This is stupid. This is reckless. If anything else happens, how will she deal with the consequences that come after? But Ai is holding him so closely for the first time ever, he can't find it in him to say no. How is he supposed to keep it together until then, though?]
Ngh, I toldja not to kiss me...
Now I'll want to kiss you all the time.
[Seriously.
Later, as they make their way to the baths, Rinne watches his step the entire time. Will he get to kiss her there? That might be inappropriate, so probably not.]
[ For the rest of the day, Ai doesn't know what to do with herself. Everything feels a little hazy and dreamy and she keeps catching herself touching the sleeve of her yukata to her mouth like she's reminding herself that it did all really happen. She feels warm and a little unsteady but nothing about it is bad. Her feelings are firm. Her stomach is rolling but she thinks it's anticipation moreso than fear.
She really, truly wants to try for him. ]
We got lucky that it was the really fancy one that was free, huh? [ Even she's impressed with how steady her voice sounds. ] I've always wanted to try one of those old fashioned stone baths. That's what you imagine when you think of an onsen...
[ She pushes the door open and leads him outside. The misty drizzle from before has thickened into a steady drumbeat of rain hammering on the overhead roof and when she lets out a breath, it comes out in a mist. ]
[ Rinne follows Ai outside, the cool air not so much soothing his nerves as it is distracting him. Despite growing up in a snowy village, Rinne often stayed indoors until he grew sick of it. The heat was always just right. Safe. His body never quite got used to extremes, as much as he wanted to push himself.
He's never told Ai this. It's pathetic no matter how he explains it. In her interviews, she always speaks of a rougher childhood. Well, violence is something they're both accustomed to, but he's sure she was never pampered like he was. As long as his past is concerned, he should just keep quiet.
...
But if she's willing to give him all of her, shouldn't he start giving himself, too? ]
I grew up in the mountains, but I didn't use the stone baths near our village that much. If I used 'em, that meant everyone else had to leave.
[ Those were the rules. No one dared to be in the presence of the Amagi clan, especially not with their creepy, eccentric heir. ]
But it's whatever. Anyway, I was too busy—
[ Rinne pauses mid-step and gasps, waiting for his sneeze to follow through. He thanks the gods it doesn't. ]
—studying...
[ Good job, Rinne! You got too comfortable and ruined the mood!!!!! ]
Ah, so you grew up outside the city too, huh... that's funny. For some reason I always pictured you growing up there the whole time. But you're kind of a country mouse like me!
[ Not that anything about Ai looks or sounds like country mouse after almost ten years in Tokyo. She's acclimated and by the sounds of things, Rinne has too. ... well, mostly.
She glances back at him with a smile and before he can pull back or protest, she pauses long enough to catch his hand in hers and gently tug him along. She's definitely still not as good as reading people as she'd like to be, but even she can tell Rinne's nervous. If she acts like things are fine, will that make it okay? ]
... I want to hear about all these kinds of things. Where you came from and where you'd like to go.
[ Her hand squeezes his. ]
Like I said. When it's the two of us, we can figure things out together.
[ Yeah, I am, Rinne almost tells her. That's why you're my favorite. But Ai takes him by the hand and all he wanted to say scatters to the wind. In its place is a new word.
Together? ]
Yeah, together.
[ Ai said it before, but it takes another try before Rinne finally decides — he likes the sound of doing things together. He likes it so much, it makes him smile even warmer than ever.
Soon they reach the stone bath, and as Rinne holds onto Ai's hand, he is the first to enter. He helps her in right after. ]
Watch your step, alright? The water's hot enough to cook ya. Hehe, but that just means there's more food for me☆
[ She's seen photos of the outdoor bath on the ryokan's website but seeing it in person is something else. With the air so chilly and the rain still pounding outside the boundary of the roof and the fence, it feels a little otherworldly. The ryokan was already a whole world of its own away from Tokyo but this feels like a little world for just her and Rinne.
She follows him in tentatively, fingers curled tight around his hand the only betrayal of her worry she might slip and slowly eases into the water. It's definitely hot, hot enough to sting — but what comes out of Ai's mouth is a particularly undignified noise of appreciation. ]
Waah, this feels even better than I thought it would...! [ She immediately sinks all the way down to her neck, stray ends of her tied up hair trailing in the water. If she notices, she doesn't seem to mind at all. ] This is so, so, so much better than a regular bathtub...!
[ She has not, incidentally, let go of Rinne's hand yet. ]
[ Cute. Ai's never like this on camera. Looking at Ai alone makes Rinne forget he's even here. He could spend the whole three days just watching her enjoy herself like this, eyes sparkling with joy and childlike wonder, and he'd be thoroughly satisfied with just that. As for him, he's still standing, not quite ready to let go in every sense of the word.
But part of him wants to be selfish. ]
Right? But stay in here for too long, and you're gonna pass out. Be careful.
[ He sinks into the water up to his neck too, knees probably bending a little more than hers as he steadily grips her hand. He laughs when he meets her at eye level. That almost never happens. ]
Kyahaha! I gotta admit, I missed this. When we get married, we gotta find a tub that fits us both.
[ When, he says — like he always says. It occurs to Ai with another of those thunks down into her stomach that after all this, she might have to give him a proper answer instead of dancing around acknowledging the question altogether. And it wouldn't just be her and Rinne's feelings to think about if she did, would it? Putting aside whatever trouble it would or wouldn't cause for Strawberry Productions and B-Komachi, there's two little troublemakers she needs to tell Rinne about. Properly this time.
She looks up at him, laughing all over his face and makes herself a little promise: if she can say it tonight and she knows it's not a lie... she'll tell him.
Her fingers lace themselves through his under the water. ]
Did I ever tell you I almost got a sponsorship for one of those? [ She says it with a giggle, letting her head tip to rest on his shoulder. If they're sat this close then that's fine, right? ] Some company who does luxury baths made a big thing about wanting to install one for me, so long as I did a promotion for it. I remember watching the Prez nodding along while the guy was talking right up until he said something about a photoshoot... next thing I know, he's getting hauled out the office by his collar! I didn't even know President Saitou had that kind of arm strength!
[Rinne hears "sponsorship" and "luxury bath" and it doesn't take longer than a second for it to click. He clicks his tongue and scowls.]
Serves him right. What the hell was that perv tryna pull, talking you into a gig like that?
[Of course President Saitou wouldn't allow it. If he loved Ai like family, he'd never let her do anything like that! Rinne wouldn't have let her do that. Not unless she was ready. Not unless she wanted to. But she's here now, letting him see the parts of her no fan would ever get to see. The stray locks of hair that float in the water, her bare shoulders just below the surface, her stories and her thoughts that no one else ever bothered to ask her for — all of that is for him and him alone.
His heart beats faster than the rain's pitter-patter on the rooftop. Her head is touching his bare shoulder, and if this were his village, he's sure they'd punish him a little more than they'd punish her. He never did get what was so wrong about it, though. He liked the intimacy. No one, be it in the city or that village, had ever tried to be this close.]
It's the first time I heard about that. You're lucky you got someone lookin' out for ya. [Under the water, he balls his hands into nervous fists.] I bet Prez Saitou would be mad at me.
[The kids would be. Especially the kids.]
I gotta make a good impression when we get back...
[Rinne's the one who usually tells Ai to live in the moment, but right now, he's not sure if he can do that himself. There's a lot to think about before he can do what's been on his mind since her lips touched his.]
Heehee. If it makes you feel any better, he'd definitely lecture us both. When he's got something to give you an earful about, he really goes for it.
[ Ai would know. It's years later and she still remembers clear as day the look of ice cold dread and disappointment on his face when she'd admitted to him what had been going on under his nose and the absolutely wretched talk that had followed. She remembers how worried she'd been about whether she'd be forgiven or whether this would be the final straw — but then she'd seen his face when he held Aqua for the first time and some sense of security had settled in her heart.
She doesn't really know for sure what Saitou is to her. But what she does know is that she doesn't want to ever make him that disappointed in her again. ]
I think he'd like you, though. Once he was done lecturing us about all this sneaking around.
[ She says that with a little grin, but then her expression softens again. The water's warm. Rinne's hand is warm. ]
You said once he wants me to be happy, right? And being with you makes me happy. So I think things might be okay.
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no subject
She doesn't seek out any of the baths - even if they're vacant, she'd like to enjoy the surprise of seeing them for the first time with Rinne — but she scopes out the souvenir shop, takes a few selfies in some pretty spots and snaps a few choice pictures. She can take more at dinner but for now, this should be enough. ]
Almost done!
I asked if it was OK for me to see one of the smaller rooms and they showed me a single person one
So I took a selfie in it like it was mine LOL
And!! I grabbed some snacks for later from the gift shop.
I'll just call the Prez to let him know I got here fine then come see you!
no subject
and yay❤ ok❤
don't take too long or i'm gonna zzz
[ What can he do in the meantime? He has everything ready for them, Ai just has to grab the stuff and go. Hmm...
Well, they do need to clean up before getting in the open-air bath, and while there's already a shower near the bath, he doesn't want Ai to wait on him or be self-conscious. Yes, that's it. That's why he's going to shower now. It's not because he's feeling hot. It's not because he's feeling nervous. It's all for Ai's sake!!! ]
no subject
Ooh...!
[ She'd seen one of the other rooms so she sort of has an idea of what to expect but... this is a little different. Maybe it's just because it's their room but it's so cute and cozy - it's all traditional so it feels fancier than it probably is to someone who's not a city mouse but she doesn't feel uncomfortable at all. And Rinne was right — the view is incredible.
No Rinne, though. It takes a second for her to pick up on the sounds of the shower running and she realizes where he must be. So she calls through, just loud enough to be heard over the water. ]
Rinne-kun, I'm here! I'll go ahead and get changed while you're in there!
no subject
He was done a while ago anyway, so he quickly shuts the shower off and dries himself off. The loud whirring of the hair dryer here distracts him from whatever sounds he might hear there. With the way he is now, even the slightest rustle of fabric might shake him up — if he can manage to hear it over the heartbeat in his ears. Fuck, where are his clothes? He probably forgot them in the bedroom. Oh well, he'll just grab a towel on his way out and wear some pants when he gets there—
Oh.
Rinne had gotten so used to living with other guys that he'd almost forgotten the most rudimentary of manners.
Knocking, for example.
Being decent in the presence of strangers, for example. ]
Um...
[ Maybe if he switches gears fast enough, he can at least pretend he's sleazy enough to not be awkward about it... ]
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She ties up her hair no problem, but as it turns out, she'd forgotten to account for putting herself in a yukata for the first time. She's worn them before for shoots but she's always been dressed by someone else, so tying off the sash while holding it closed is a bit of a process. It's a little big on her, too, and it sags on her shoulder just enough to expose the slope of her neck and collarbone. And she's in the middle of trying to adjust that when Rinne walks in.
Ai freezes. Her head snaps around. She has a smile pasted onto her face to preemptively make a joke out of the whole thing but then it slowly slides off her face as she just... looks at him. Oh. she manages to think. Rinne really does look—
She manages, barely, to snap herself back to to reality and hastily pulls the sagging yukata up over her shoulder. Is it ruder to stare or to pretend she wasn't staring? Not that she can even try and pretend that she's not right now... ]
Ahah, sorry...! I thought I'd be done by now. [ She's... still looking. ] Um, if you want to get changed I can...
[ She can what? Give him some privacy? It's a little late for that, isn't it???? ]
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[Would that be better or worse? He's asking because he has no idea. He's never been in this situation before. Forgive him for gawking at the smooth column of Ai's neck and the scandal of her collarbones. Where he's from, no one's supposed to see that but family. He plans on making her more than family, so maybe that's not a problem, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he's attracted to her. He's joked about it, teased her for it, but the reality is they were thinly-veiled truths. He would be lying if he said she didn't make him feel crazy. What would have happened if she kept fixing her yukata? Would she have failed? Would he have gotten to see more?
He should calm down. He should wear his yukata. He turns around, pulls off his towel, and gives the powers that be a glimpse of his ass before slipping the sleeves on.
...
Hmm. His servants back home usually fixed these things for him.
And he's still thinking about Ai's shoulders.]
... Ai-chan.
[Help.]
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... Well, if Rinne's looking, it should be fine for her to do the same, right? If he didn't want her to see, he'd be be getting changed elsewhere, right? ]
Ah- oh, the sash is a little tricky to do by yourself, huh? Um, just a second...
[ That's what she says, but as she stands up, she finally manages to tug her yukata into place so it all sits neatly on her body before tying the sash off. Apparently, all she needed to kick her brain into gear was to inflict a moment of blind panic on it.
Now that she's decent, she stands and crosses the room... then pauses as she's stood just behind him. This is kind of a delicate situation, isn't it? She's been sort of blithe and clueless this whole time but... she wonders what Rinne's expecting of her. Or maybe what Rinne's thinking she expects from him. ]
... Do you want me to help?
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He's not nervous because she's pretty.
He's definitely not worried about how they're supposed to conduct themselves.]
N-nevermind. [God, he stuttered. Stupid.] I can do it.
[He speaks in an uncharacteristic near-whisper, turning away and keeping his distance as he fiddles with the obi. He... is honestly, absolutely clueless. He's been overlapping the two ends the same two ways for about a minute now. He'd ask for help like he often demands Niki to, but Niki likes being needed, and he can't just say, "Sorry, I don't know how to dress myself because I used to leave this sort of thing to my attendants. By the way, I'm technically a prince. I'm literally incapable of living alone." It's too much for him to reveal and far too much for Ai to unpack. It's better to just suck it up and put on his damn yukata.]
You can go ahead. Rinne-kun's just gotta figure this out.
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No wonder he doesn't know what to do.
Ai steps around him so they're face to face and before he can protest, she reaches and, gently but firmly, takes the ends of the obi from him. ]
Here. I'll do it.
[ Her voice is soft and she drops her gaze to keep it at the task at hand - this is probably embarrassing enough without her looking him in the face. She loops the tie around him again once, twice as she thinks that Rinne so rarely asks her to do things for him. Whenever he asks something of her, it's always for her benefit. Rinne's like her in a lot of ways, isn't he? Neither of them know how to ask for the things they need when they need them.
With the yukata neatly in place, she ties off the ends of the sash and at last, lifts her gaze back up to his face. This close up, she can really see how much softer his expression is than the ones she usually sees and all of a sudden, Ai really, really wants to kiss him. ]
There. ... when it's things like this, it's okay for us to figure it out together.
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Rinne never fails to tell her what she needs to hear. If that's the case, then this is Ai's way of giving it all back, isn't it? When Ai stands so close to him with her delicate hands and gentle voice, Rinne thinks he'd like to experience this all the time. He won't slack. He'll work hard if it means this will always be waiting for him at the end.]
Okay.
[Rinne meets her gaze and he balls his hands into fists. His lips are dry. His throat is dry, but he has to say this now before he loses his chance and loses control.]
Ai.
[Not Ai-chan, not Hoshigari-chan, not any other nickname he's ever placed between them to make her want to hate him for any reason at all.]
I think we shouldn't kiss until we get married.
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You've been worrying about that this whole time?
[ She didn't think there was a person alive who still worried about things like that, much less a guy like Rinne. He's so brash and bold and ever since they met, he'd been reaching out to touch her and hold her, like that unbreechable barrier between her and everyone else hadn't existed at all. If Rinne had wanted to use this trip to close the rest of that distance, would she let him?
Even before she asks herself the question, she knows what the answer is: of course she would. She would say yes precisely because Rinne would never try.
Her gaze drifts down and away from his again. Her expression doesn't darken but it turns... sober, maybe. A little more open. ]
... You know, Rinne-kun... I'm not like you at all. I'm really bad at loving things. I always have been. But idols are supposed to love all their fans, right? Even idols who don't understand how to do it.
[ She adjusts the front of his yukata, just for something to do with her hands. Her heart is thudding in her throat so hard, it's a wonder that her voice comes out at all, let alone as soft and steady as it is. ]
I lie about it. All the time. I don't know how to say it and have it be true. And... I don't want to say it to you someday and leave you wondering if it's a lie.
[ Her fingers curl into the front of his yukata. She doesn't know what face Rinne is making but she manages to dare peek up and meet his eyes. ]
So even if it's just for this trip... or even just once... is it okay if I try and show you instead?
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Who told you you were bad at loving things...?
[Because he's thinking about him, her fans, and her kids. and he's thinking, how dare someone say that about her? How dare they decide how she should love someone? It's bad enough that she's not allowed to love anyone at all. Why can't she believe she's already doing that? She thinks about what could heal him and protects him from what could hurt him. What is that if it isn't what she doesn't want to say?
Tears stream down his face before he can stop them.]
I'm bad at it too, you know? I lied to you, too. I knew the way I acted made it feel like this wasn't real. That's why I said it. Shit like that can only fly when everyone knows it's a lie. Idols only lie 'cause they wanna make people happy...
But you believed me.
I tried to be the worst, and you still believed me.
[Ah, saying it like this makes it sound like he never loved her, doesn't it? Maybe to Ai, it felt like a lie. But Rinne meant every word. He loves her. He wants her to shine. He just didn't think he'd ever want her for himself.
... No, maybe he did. He remembers what Ai asked him that day on that balcony against the setting sun. He told her it was okay to be selfish. It was okay to be an idol like that. It made her so happy, the smile she wore that day made him want to be selfish, too. He wanted the freedom to do that, too.]
So you can be scared of saying it all you want, but you said it yourself, didn't you? It's obvious that you love me.
[But... it's true that he still wants to hear it. It's true that he wants proof. But is it okay for him to ask for something like that? Is it okay for him to want it all the time? His cheeks are still wet with his tears when he closes his eyes, leans in, and presses his forehead against her own.]
You can do whatever you want with me. As much as you want, as many times you want. I don't deserve it, but... For all the times you tried to love me, I don't want you to ever think I didn't feel it.
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[ Ai of B-Komachi is pretty, perfect and invincible. She loves everyone with all her heart, without fear or restraint, she gives and gives and gives and doesn't ever think to ask for anything back. What does an invincible girl even want for, anyway?
Hoshino Ai is unforgivably dirty and hopelessly impure - in fact, just call her hopeless full stop. She has to lie to give people what they want because the real thing could never be good enough. It never will be. Maybe that's why she doesn't know how to do any of it for real.
Her heart is thudding so hard and so loud she can barely hear anything else. She feels warm. She feels a little dizzy. She feels more hopeless and helpless and inexcusably clumsy than she ever has before but for the first time... she thinks that might be okay.
She thinks that if it's Rinne... then it really might be okay.
Her mouth makes a shape, but the words won't come out. Even now, she's a coward. Even now, she's too scared to say it and find out that she could never say it for real. She doesn't know if the feeling churning her insides really is love, but whatever it is, she wants Rinne to know she feels it.
She rises up onto her toes so she can press a kiss to his forehead. Then her lips move to the corner of his eye and she presses another one there, like she could stem the flow of tears like that.
Then she pulls in a shaky breath. She sinks down onto the flat of her feet and now they're nose to nose. She's so close she can feel his breath on her mouth. ]
I'm really glad you're here.
[ And then she kisses him. Properly, at last. ]
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First, she kisses his forehead. No one's done that since his youth, and his youth was cut short when Hiiro was born. It was a time when love never asked for anything else. He shouldn't, but he keeps coming back to that. Then Ai kisses the corner of his eye. Only two people have ever seen him cry, and he's already lost one. There's two again, and somehow that makes being stronger a little easier. Finally his gaze meets hers, and the air between them thins as they stand like this, her arms in his arms, closer than they have ever truly been.
When Ai takes Rinne's first kiss, he lets it happen. For once, he lets himself savor the feeling of someone who wants to have him, someone who is willing to take him into themselves and keep him there like he isn't something to be chewed and spat out. Ai's lips are gentle. Rinne thinks it's amazing how she can hear the embarrassing sound of his loud heart and still be here, kissing someone who's never been kissed, someone who knows what that means but is too scared to mean it. Not because he thinks he's incapable of it, no, but because when he isn't trying to fail, he loves much too deeply—so deeply that it could only be wrong. That's how everyone's ever seen him: wrong.
For a second, he thinks Ai is also wrong.
When Rinne breaks the kiss, he whispers as he insists,] I told you, we shouldn't...
[But he closes his eyes again and kisses her anyway.]
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It doesn't feel like a betrayal when Rinne kisses her, though. Far from it — it feels like everything else has been wrong all along. But this right here is the first time that it's ever been right.
Her arms curl around him. Tight. She's never let herself hold him or return any of the boundless affection he's tossed her way but now she can't help herself. ]
I really want to try. [ She barely breaks away to say that, breathing the words in between another kiss. ] I don't know how to say it for real but when it's you, I want to try.
[ She wants to do more than try. It's like some kind of dam has finally cracked and all her feelings have come spilling out. She wants to touch him. She wants Rinne to touch her. She wants him to hold her so tight that she feels his hands on her for hours after he lets her go.
It takes more of her self control than she'd like to admit for her to pull back from him again. Just enough space to breathe and to look up at him and take in the sweet, soft expression on his face. ]
So let's take a bath together and then... will you let me try?
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Mm.
[He can't say the thought hasn't crossed his mind. He wants to stop Ai, though. This is stupid. This is reckless. If anything else happens, how will she deal with the consequences that come after? But Ai is holding him so closely for the first time ever, he can't find it in him to say no. How is he supposed to keep it together until then, though?]
Ngh, I toldja not to kiss me...
Now I'll want to kiss you all the time.
[Seriously.
Later, as they make their way to the baths, Rinne watches his step the entire time. Will he get to kiss her there? That might be inappropriate, so probably not.]
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She really, truly wants to try for him. ]
We got lucky that it was the really fancy one that was free, huh? [ Even she's impressed with how steady her voice sounds. ] I've always wanted to try one of those old fashioned stone baths. That's what you imagine when you think of an onsen...
[ She pushes the door open and leads him outside. The misty drizzle from before has thickened into a steady drumbeat of rain hammering on the overhead roof and when she lets out a breath, it comes out in a mist. ]
It's just down this way.
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He's never told Ai this. It's pathetic no matter how he explains it. In her interviews, she always speaks of a rougher childhood. Well, violence is something they're both accustomed to, but he's sure she was never pampered like he was. As long as his past is concerned, he should just keep quiet.
...
But if she's willing to give him all of her, shouldn't he start giving himself, too? ]
I grew up in the mountains, but I didn't use the stone baths near our village that much. If I used 'em, that meant everyone else had to leave.
[ Those were the rules. No one dared to be in the presence of the Amagi clan, especially not with their creepy, eccentric heir. ]
But it's whatever. Anyway, I was too busy—
[ Rinne pauses mid-step and gasps, waiting for his sneeze to follow through. He thanks the gods it doesn't. ]
—studying...
[ Good job, Rinne! You got too comfortable and ruined the mood!!!!! ]
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[ Not that anything about Ai looks or sounds like country mouse after almost ten years in Tokyo. She's acclimated and by the sounds of things, Rinne has too. ... well, mostly.
She glances back at him with a smile and before he can pull back or protest, she pauses long enough to catch his hand in hers and gently tug him along. She's definitely still not as good as reading people as she'd like to be, but even she can tell Rinne's nervous. If she acts like things are fine, will that make it okay? ]
... I want to hear about all these kinds of things. Where you came from and where you'd like to go.
[ Her hand squeezes his. ]
Like I said. When it's the two of us, we can figure things out together.
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Together? ]
Yeah, together.
[ Ai said it before, but it takes another try before Rinne finally decides — he likes the sound of doing things together. He likes it so much, it makes him smile even warmer than ever.
Soon they reach the stone bath, and as Rinne holds onto Ai's hand, he is the first to enter. He helps her in right after. ]
Watch your step, alright? The water's hot enough to cook ya. Hehe, but that just means there's more food for me☆
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She follows him in tentatively, fingers curled tight around his hand the only betrayal of her worry she might slip and slowly eases into the water. It's definitely hot, hot enough to sting — but what comes out of Ai's mouth is a particularly undignified noise of appreciation. ]
Waah, this feels even better than I thought it would...! [ She immediately sinks all the way down to her neck, stray ends of her tied up hair trailing in the water. If she notices, she doesn't seem to mind at all. ] This is so, so, so much better than a regular bathtub...!
[ She has not, incidentally, let go of Rinne's hand yet. ]
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But part of him wants to be selfish. ]
Right? But stay in here for too long, and you're gonna pass out. Be careful.
[ He sinks into the water up to his neck too, knees probably bending a little more than hers as he steadily grips her hand. He laughs when he meets her at eye level. That almost never happens. ]
Kyahaha! I gotta admit, I missed this. When we get married, we gotta find a tub that fits us both.
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She looks up at him, laughing all over his face and makes herself a little promise: if she can say it tonight and she knows it's not a lie... she'll tell him.
Her fingers lace themselves through his under the water. ]
Did I ever tell you I almost got a sponsorship for one of those? [ She says it with a giggle, letting her head tip to rest on his shoulder. If they're sat this close then that's fine, right? ] Some company who does luxury baths made a big thing about wanting to install one for me, so long as I did a promotion for it. I remember watching the Prez nodding along while the guy was talking right up until he said something about a photoshoot... next thing I know, he's getting hauled out the office by his collar! I didn't even know President Saitou had that kind of arm strength!
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Serves him right. What the hell was that perv tryna pull, talking you into a gig like that?
[Of course President Saitou wouldn't allow it. If he loved Ai like family, he'd never let her do anything like that! Rinne wouldn't have let her do that. Not unless she was ready. Not unless she wanted to. But she's here now, letting him see the parts of her no fan would ever get to see. The stray locks of hair that float in the water, her bare shoulders just below the surface, her stories and her thoughts that no one else ever bothered to ask her for — all of that is for him and him alone.
His heart beats faster than the rain's pitter-patter on the rooftop. Her head is touching his bare shoulder, and if this were his village, he's sure they'd punish him a little more than they'd punish her. He never did get what was so wrong about it, though. He liked the intimacy. No one, be it in the city or that village, had ever tried to be this close.]
It's the first time I heard about that. You're lucky you got someone lookin' out for ya. [Under the water, he balls his hands into nervous fists.] I bet Prez Saitou would be mad at me.
[The kids would be. Especially the kids.]
I gotta make a good impression when we get back...
[Rinne's the one who usually tells Ai to live in the moment, but right now, he's not sure if he can do that himself. There's a lot to think about before he can do what's been on his mind since her lips touched his.]
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[ Ai would know. It's years later and she still remembers clear as day the look of ice cold dread and disappointment on his face when she'd admitted to him what had been going on under his nose and the absolutely wretched talk that had followed. She remembers how worried she'd been about whether she'd be forgiven or whether this would be the final straw — but then she'd seen his face when he held Aqua for the first time and some sense of security had settled in her heart.
She doesn't really know for sure what Saitou is to her. But what she does know is that she doesn't want to ever make him that disappointed in her again. ]
I think he'd like you, though. Once he was done lecturing us about all this sneaking around.
[ She says that with a little grin, but then her expression softens again. The water's warm. Rinne's hand is warm. ]
You said once he wants me to be happy, right? And being with you makes me happy. So I think things might be okay.
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